Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Survivor 4 Update!!


Survivor IV : Update


The Seventh Inning Stretch




Wherein weary hearts are trotted out for our collective sighs and loved ones are plucked from their comfy lives and made to come to the heart of French Polynesia so Jeff can torture the kids in the game. . . Just way way too much hugging and crying going on tonight.



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less. . .
Rainy, crummy Soliantu with everyone in a "I want my mommy" mood. The reward is getting to torture a loved one by having them live in the camp for one night. . . but first, lets all cry a lot! Kathy's kid a bit dim. Immunity is all shooting a sling shot. . . boys suck, girls rule. . . especially V. It's not so much about alliances as it is about how to back-stab effectively. . . or so Rob finds out. . .

The Darwin Moment!
Kathy wins the reward challenge and gets to spend some time with her boy. . . more on that later, but for now. . . she asks him what to do about wining the game. This kid is a self confessed couch potato and really rather mindless. . . what the hell can he bring to the table?

Kathy goes on to stab Rob in the back via a bullshit alliance bid. . . if she doesn't win immunity next week she is officially toast. That's about as Darwin as you can get.

Best Quotes
"I'm really just a pretty boy."
"This food is nasty."
"This game is messed up."
"I didn't get a good sleep last night."
~ and there you have the exhaustive list of what Pat (Kathy's kid) had to say. . . a dustpan has more personality.

"I definitely fell through the cracks." This from Neleh. . . and you gotta believe her. . . She's almost invisible she's so thin.

"I'm just here to win the game." Poor poor pitiful mindless Rob.

Most Memorable Moment
Sean. . . remember Sean. . . the lazy fuck-nut from the first 6 episodes that somehow morphed into a combination Martin Luther King / Puff Daddy guy. . . He has lost all patience or respect for Neleh. He gets major camera time wandering through the bush towards the waterfall with Vecepia while he does an impersonation of Neleh blabbing on and on and on and on and on about painfully useless crap. He does a good job :D

Soliantu
So the kids are basically wasting away, grumpy, homesick and disheveled. Did I mention dirty? They're all into their routine of chopping up coconuts and shelling Harlem Sushi for sustenance and blabbing about how much they have "learned to appreciate the little things. . . " Like they're going to return to their homes and take up a life of frugal appreciation for the details. . . they'll all be mass consumers contributing non-stop to the national garbage crisis within two weeks.

Following up on the big set-up for this weeks episode. . . we were so totally taken in by their bull-cookies. . . I was expecting really tragic human suffering. . . and the closest they came was Sean almost losing his grip while laying palm fronds on the roof and slipping with like 4 people around him to make sure he doesn't fall and hurt his little self.

Every time you turned around in this epi someone is hugging someone else. Now considering how ratty the all look and probably smell, this is a big accomplishment. Paschal is getting all deep about the relationships and we are treated to this god awful moment of him saying "greatest nation on earth" while they show the kids folding an American flag. Yea, ok. . . Oh and he comments that he is only 57 years old. He's busy looking somewhere between 74 and 649 years old.

Reward Challenge
The kids gather on the beach for a challenge. . . and Jeff-the-torturer pulls out a cell phone and asks "wouldn't it be great to be able to call home?" While everybody is nodding and getting into it, he puts the phone away and say's "well we won't be doing that!" . . . so everybody is crestfallen. . . then he directs their collective attention to another part of the beach. . . and calls out - one at a time - a "loved one" for each tribe mate. Neleh's mom, Kathy's son, Paschal's wife, etc. . . oh and some boy from Sean's hood. . . hmmm, loved-one eh. . .

Then the game is explained. . . basically it's a board game that you turn over the squares until you're out of squares to turn over. . . 'cept their octagons. . . and the skinny bastards don't get to play. . . no. . . their "loved ones" play.

Ps. Every time I type "loved ones" I think I'm writing about a funeral.

Paschals wife is the first to bite the dust and we get that image of Paschal bawling. . . Oh sure, he gets to kiss and hug her. . . for the sound bite. Then Rob's sister? (whatever) goes. . . and he's bawling in Paschals lap. . . well, he's doing something in Paschals lap. In the end, it's down to Neleh's mom and Kathys kid. Neleh's mom loses and when Neleh floats over to give her a hug, she presents her with a dirty piece of material ripped from her shirt that is draped over her size -4 body (remember the kite making fabric) and tells her it's something to remember her with. . . yuck.

When Pat (Kathy's kid) wins, she bolts for him and jumps up huge into his arms. He's holding his head back as far as possible to avoid the smell. . . He is later shown (very clearly) walking with Mom and removes his arm from her waist and looks at his fingers as he rubs them together. . . trying to get the grime off them. . .

Her prize is to be able to spend the rest of the day and night with her kid. He leaves in the morning and gets a Soliantu Buff to wear while he is there.

Now, think about it. . . the kids are freaken starving. . . and now they get to bring a little fat kid back to their hovel. They all looked as though they were sizing up a live pig for slaughter. Alas, there was not blood letting. . . but they did put him to work.

Immunity Challenge
The immunity challenge was kinda cool. . . the deal was that they would each take a turn shooting a sling shot at this panel of clay covers keeping sand behind them. Break the clay cover, release the sand. They have these little Tiki status in front of the sand thing. So if your statue gets buried, you're out.
Well the girls eliminated the boys pronto. . . then it was down to Neleh and V. V emerged victorious and screamed about it for a good three minutes. Neleh managed to exhibit wonderful sportsmanship by wearing a scowl and giving everyone the look of death for 10 minutes.

Evil Do'er
Evil? How about the devil? Is she evil enough for you? Kathy. . . smelly, dirty, scary looking Kathy. . . with the 6's embedded in her skull? She's just thinking hard how she's gonna make it past the next round. . . and has no idea. She could have banded with Rob, Sean and V to blow away Neleh, but she was too busy BACKSTABBING Rob (he was voted out 5 votes to 1).

Eye Candy
er. . . um. . . well, Tammy has managed to have a meal since being tossed last week. She looked rather yummi a'sitten over there with Master John and the big big freak Zoe (at the jury).

Alliance
Yea, well Neleh and Paschal are happily living in bliss. . . I really hope they have reason to turn on one another. . . like if only she could taste victory but would have to sacrifice Paschal to get it. . . something. . . because their whole "leave it to beaver" gig is getting old!

Then there's the black delegates. . . Sean comes on in the previews for next week griping about how "Just because we're both African Americans . . . that doesn't mean we're an instant alliance." Yah huh. . . right. . . "what's a cubit?"

This leaves Kathy bouncing around looking for a perch. . . but alas, there is none. . . Only immunity will keep her past next week. . .

The Out House
Jeff, the smarmy monster that he is, calls Rob on what he thinks of Vecepia, then asks Sean what he things of Neleh and Paschal what he things of Neleh. Like it matters. . . Er. . . Where's Neleh? I think she fell through a crack!

The vote is decisive. . . with Rob getting 5 of the votes, and unless he voted for himself then Kathy stabbed him. :D (and he never once trotted out the voodoo doll.)

Two things. . .
~ I'm still thinking it's gonna be Sean with the big money prize.
~ I can hardly wait for Star Wars Episode II to come out. . . ar ar ar. . .

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