Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Survivor 4 Update!!


Survivor IV : Update


The Visa Episode




Wherein we are treated to an old man kicken kid butt and a stick figure girl sews the seeds of her own downfall. Voodoo boy shows a few colors and unavoidably climbs out of his shell, and stuffs his face into the only clean hair - well, it was clean - for freak'en miles. Oh, and can you say "black power"?



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less. . . or more.. or whatever!
Camp hungry is almost immobilized with malnutrition, so Reward is all about food. . . and Old-Man-Ass gets to build on his lil'girl fantasies while making an advert for VISA. Neleh looks in a mirror, turns to the side and vanishes! Credit Card abuse is the lesson of the day, although the lesson of learning to shut-your-well-fed-mouth would be a close second. Puff-Daddy bitches about everything. . . and Immunity is all about lighting a fire or two. Teeth girl (Tammy) is not flick'en her bic fast 'nuf and it's a good thing 'cause she's looking like another day of this would kill her. No worries there, she's jury bound.


The Darwin Moment!
Lets see. . . Paschal wins the Reward challenge fair and square. . . hard work pays off, then he nabs Neleh as a tag-along and she gets a shower, and a big ass meal on a cruise ship. . . When her tribe mates ask her if she brought anything back for them, she offers them a half sucked hard candy DIRECTLY from her mouth. . . "do you all wanna little lick?" You could just see every one of them praying to find a set of thumb screws.

Best Quotes
Neleh on the Reward Challenge prize (cruise ship) comments "I don't feel like I'm in the game any more. . . " Well duh! You should feel like you're half naked in your grandfather's bedroom sugar. . .

Most Memorable Moment
K, Rob (aka Voodoo Rob, The General) is really one of god's children. . . you know, the ones that were not blessed with anything even remotely approximating intelligence. . . He spends a day building a PIG SNARE 'cause he expects to, well, snare a pig. . . of course, if this works out, he'll have to kill it.. that'll be fun. (yuck) When he's doing this, he comments to Tammy-Teeth that she should win immunity, and he'll build the snare. . . that way they'll both be safe, cause "I'll say 'You gotta keep me. . . I got pig!". Yea that'll play. . . they'll get rid of your immense frame and the pig will last longer. He's had so few lines in the series, and now I'm starting to see why.

Soliantu
Everybody is hugging one another in an all too transparent effort to look happy. . . it was kinda dumb!

The land of the starving survivor. . . Sean and Vecepia are the only remaining members of the Maraamu tribe and they have banded together as have the rest of the starving dolts, into little alliances of two. We see the tribe spending down time just lying against their hut looking like they could roll over and die any moment. They're all nasty, dirty and pushing bones out through their derms. . . really? Why do we watch this?? Because we like to watch people suffer. . . that's why. Oh they break out a feast of a banana to share in celebration of Vecepia's birthday.

Reward Challenge
While they're all busy looking dead, Puff Daddy walks with Birthday Girl. . . (Vecepia turned 6 today), to the mail tree. . . and they find the reward challenge. . . So, being the nice guy that he is, takes the time to get all smarmy and sing Happy Birthday to her in the woods and then THEN talk about how she must miss her kid and husband. . . (nice) thus reducing her underfed frame to tears. He gets a hug for his effort. . .

They bring the challenge back. It's a water diving deal. They are to dive down in Musical Chairs style to retrieve a marked shell. No shell for you? You're out! Vecepia bails before they even get started. . . and we watch Sean almost drown trying to find a shell. When V, Sean and Neleh are all out the race between those that still have some body mass begins in earnest and the final part of the challenge - getting a 40 lb rock from here to there (under water) - taps the last bits of strength from them. . . and BIG SURPRISE, Paschal wins it. . . What does he win?

Lord Jeff hands over his visa card with much fan fare (several VISA on-camera moments here) and arrives on a launch to take Paschal back to a cruise ship that's putt'en around out in the bay of the island. Oops, no wait, Jeff gives him a last minute chance to bring another tribe member. . . who does he pick? The Birthday girl? Nope. . . His tribal feast bum buddy, Sean? Nope. . . who oh who can he pick. . . HA! It takes him all of a split second to start screaming for Neleh and her exoskeleton to join him. The get a to use the visa card a few times (photo ops galore) to buy a cabin, a meal and give a tip. . . a $200 tip on Jeff's card, which they find really hilarious. Neleh and Paschal shower and dress in new Survivor duds for a big honking meal. . . Neleh can't get past how it feels to be clean. In fact, she goes on and on about it to the dirty, nasty, smelly tribe mates when she returns. . . I surprised they didn't grind her hair into the dirt ten seconds into her lament for the shower and lotions. . .

Ok. . . let me make a point of this. . . Neleh incessantly repeats "Oh My Heck!" in a Herculean effort to not swear or take the lords name in vain. It was maddening. . . maddening!!!!!

They feed them a big ol'meal out on the deck of the ship. . . now I've been on a couple of cruises. . . and I know for a fact that ship that size has a really nice dining room. . . this just goes to show ya that Jeff's VISA card is prol'y on it's last legs. They made these guys eat out where you feed the seagulls or shoot skeet. Now, after four weeks of eating raw shell fish bits pulled from their beach head. . . the fancy restaurant deal serves them???? Why Escargot of course. . . Man!! If I was either of these dolts (that did not actually know - either of them - what escargot was) I would have chucked the serving dish over the railing nearest my shitty diner table and demanded red meat and fresh veggies on the spot. They got a delicious meal in the end. . . We know this because they could not shut up about it (and about how wonderfully clean Neleh was) after they returned to Camp Hungry.

Immunity Challenge
The old-man and stick figure came back from the reward feast . . . all clean and well fed and his-bulkiness, Voodoo Rob comes up to Neleh and wedges his face into her hair and takes a long sniff. . . very classy Rob. . . be that gets you lots of dates back home.

Well, after much pissing and moaning about the idea that Neleh can't shut up about her shower, and Rob building a Pig Snare. . . they get the Immunity Challenge. This one speaks of nighttime, and fire.

The actual deal is to gather sticks, light a fire (flint and steel), boil a wok of oil enough to pop a kernel of corn and then transport said fire to another pit and burn the top. . . this signified a winner. Rob was the winner. . . buy a mile.. Vecepia could have been a close second place but it was night and she's lost about 50% of her body mass so you couldn't see her. No one else got close. . . This basically seals it for Tammy and her improbably white teeth.

Evil Do'er
Tammy really emerged as the evil bitch tonight. . . even though Kathy remained as wigged out as usual. Her number's up and she knows it so she hasn't much patience for anything.

Eye Candy
Folks, the only candy tonight is the one Neleh tries to offer her tribe mates and they weren't having any of it. . . for good reason. Yuck.

Aliance
Well Sean and Vecepia are a team, as is Paschal and Neleh with Mrs. Beaver (Kathy) leaving Tammy and Rob to be a team of two. At one point, S & V talked of moving to Rob and Tammy's side and using their power of four to fry Neleh. Everyone had a hate on for her after watching her non-work ethic and her constant blab blab blabbing about the reward challenge prize. It was kinda ironic listening to Puff Daddy complain about her not doing much work. . . he, of course, being the lazy butt-plug that he is.

The Out House
Jeff asks the assembled starving campers what they are "sick of after four weeks". . . I'm surprised that not a one of them said "well, you actually".

He (Jeff) asks Paschal how much he liked the cruise. . . on a scale of 1 to 10. Mr. Beaver replies "seven million!!!"

Now the standard misdirection goes down as they (CBS) try to make us think that Neleh is going via the new alliance of Sean and V with Rob and Tammy. . . but it's not happening. . . the vote tosses Tammy cleanly through the grass shack doors and she's gone.

Two things. . .
~ next week's preview looked like something sick happens and everyone gets all broken up about it. . . so I'm guessing they all catch a glimpse of Kathy with her top off. . . ar ar ar. . . :D
~ At this stage, I want Sean to win. There really isn't anyone else on the show worth putting in front of the camera. :D

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