Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 4 Update!!

Survivor IV : Update

The "From Here To Eternity" Episode

Wherein a previously pedophiliac southern hang'en judge takes up a life of gay, inter-racial love and smuggl'en. A fishing boat captain grows horns, pointed teeth and a forked tongue. And we get to watch the ignoble fallen leaders roast on a spit like so many skinny pigs. Oh... and for those of you jones'ing for a little payback.. Sean had his nuts crushed over and over and over and over... bwaahahaha... :D

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less... or more.. or whatever!
Sean sings in the shower… yea, so it's a waterfall. A skinny little muppet (neleh) revels in new found power and Tammy feels the red hot poker slipping into place. Zoe totally goes wacko on her now-ex alliance buddies in time for a Reward Challenge (milking coconuts the fastest) to test peeps patience. Sean and Paschal practically go anal in the surf when they win a feast and Kath continues to demonstrate that she is a moron. Sean busts his balls trying to ride a horse (en route to the feast) then he and Paschal stuff their pants like a couple of Viny Bobarino wanna-be's with food. The ex-leader board crawls for salvation and is kicked by the new-kids-on-the-block and Zoe starts figuratively blowing EVERYONE. Immunity is a Walk-On-Stilts thing that only Tammy can actually do, so she nails it (again) and - no surprise - Zoe gets her rug-burned knees tossed back into the ocean like a baby tuna.
(wow… way over a hundred words… I suck)

The Darwin Moment! (really, it's just a big "Darwin" human thing)
K.. Rob (the one they call The General because of his big ass tattoo… although I call him Voodoo Rob 'cause his "luxury" item is a voodoo doll) is really a fucktard… he's just not that smart by any stretch. How do they screen these people for the show… ? He's making me think it's a odd-shaped-blocks fit-in-holes sorta test and failing the test gets you on the show.

Rob is all po'd about being on the losing side… Since Neleh and Paschal defected to the Sean camp and they ousted John the Evil-Male-Nurse, Tammy, Zoe and Rob have been hilarious… :D Well, Rob is just pushing everyone's button… and the only reason he's not off the show was that the gang recognizes his low mental capabilities and big brawny muscles… and figures he's no threat. At the Out House he actually calls the current alliance-in-control group a "bunch of nobodies"… wow. The game is not over yet dude… Why do these people quit before they're killed?

Best Quotes
The best quote of the night was actually rather silent…
Tammy: RAISING HER EYEBROWS in this amazing expression as The-Stick-Figure-Girl (Neleh) tells Zoe she has "the kindest heart ever…" (barf) when Zoe starts handing out hand made bracelets to everyone…

Zoe: "Since the moment I met you I didn't like you… The way your eyes sit, your whole presentation…" to Tammy… yikes… ya bitch.

Kathie: "Oh my god, I feel like they're going away…" Jesuz Murphy woman… she says this as Paschal and Sean get on a helicopter and GO AWAY. The "vacant space" to "brain matter" ratio in this girl is amazingly high.

Voodoo Rob: "I don't give a fuck'en fat ass what you think." And you cannot mistake a single syllable of this even though the cut the appropriate audio bits… (this was while he and Tammy were groveling before the alter of Paschal and Neleh).

Most Memorable Moment
(for me anyways…)
Tammy and Voodoo Rob are talking to Pasch and Neleh trying to get back in the game - they have no chance - and Rob starts to feel the burn setting in so he gets up… Tammy STRAIGHT ARMS HIS LEGS and says "SIT DOWN!" with kick'en authority… he complies like the lap dog he is.

Talk about yer polarized campers… we start with this scene of Tammy, Rob and Zoe off to one side… Well, Tammy and Rob (zoe is off on her own somewhere) watching the current holders-of-the-golden-orb-of-power (ZOLTAN!) all be smiley, shiny people… Stick-figure-girl comments "We beat 'em at their own game" (they did!) and then she scrunches up her face in a giggle, and holy crap… it's like her whole face save her nose manages to suck in and disappear - scary. Then they're going on about how 'honest' they want to be… what a crock! Paschal: "I just want to be truthful!" er… and this is going to be a challenge for you … Your Honor?

Tammy is patently aware of her status as girl-in-need-of-a-red-hot-poker applied with Chaucer like accuracy (have you read "The Millers Tail"??).

Tammy heads off to talk with Zoe and asks her if she's game to keep playing to win. Zoe morphs from Happy Zoe directly into evil bitch queen Zoe before our very eyes as she turns on Tammy and hits her with the quote from above… yikes!

Reward Challenge
The deal is to collect coconuts and fill this big tube with the coconut milk. First one to fill the tube wins… did I say "one"… ooops. I meant TEAM. The happy kids are divvied up into four teams of two. Sean and Paschal manage to win… but en route we get to see some good tantrum stuff a'brewing. Tammy: "You could check them every once in a while!" to Vecepia after opening yet another dry coconut and tossing it aside…

Now, seriously here… when Sean and Paschal win… the fricken dive on one another, hugging and rolling around in the surf… we're talking Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster in From Here To Eternity… I swear I heard Sean say "I never knew it could be like this!" Then before the commercial break they show the two of them sitting arm in arm and they have this awkward moment when they turn towards each other and in a kind of knee-jerk reaction Paschal loads his guns for a kiss… It was freaking priceless!!!!

The reward is a "full belly and a party"… this turns out to be a Helicopter ride to the top of a mountain and a horse back ride down the other side with some "native" guides… to a Native Feast. Now the native dudes are all painted up with fake tattoos (and I don't care if they're real, I'm having fun with this!) and wearing grass skirts, necklaces, wrist bands, and anklet's… That's fresh green looking grass… they look ridiculous. I was looking for muscle shirt tan lines and imagining these guys sitting around a bar laughing about this stuff later.

Sean does not do horses… "you know, horses are big animals." he observes… They mount the horses and Sean's horse starts biting another horse… After some goofing around, one of the natives mount's … er pulls Sean onto his horse and Sean sits there without stirrups rocking back and forth directly on his testicles… he's just moaning the phrase "WAIT my balls" over and over again… He's on his own horse for the arrival at the cook out.

They set up this hula show for them and a bunch of food… which Sean and Paschal immediately start stuffing down their pants. The two of them dance with the young, grass skirted native girls… but not the large one that hangs in the background???? This is where we hear Sean observe "who'd every guess we'd be here doing this… a black boy from Harlem and a white southern judge!"… yea, I was saying that when you were rolling around in the surf little man!

They head home to hand out the yummies. We had a nice clip of the gang back at camp eating ABOSLUTELY DISGUSTING sushi-from-the-hood like food.

Immunity Challenge
This is butt simple and hard coded for Tammy…. The kids are given a set of stilts and told to practice. A bigger group of total spastics has never been seen. Mostly, the problem is that none of them hold the things properly. None, that is until Tammy sneaks off to a secluded spot… you know, with a camera crew and footprints EVERYWHERE to practice. She knows how to hold 'em and - of course - keeps this info to herself. I wonder if her application to the show included a "stilt walking" reference.

Now I miss heard "Marquesian Stilt Fighting" and was really hoping for a stick fighting session… watching Zoe crack everyone's heads would have been kinda morbid but funny none the less. The result is a forgone conclusion with Tammy walking away with the Immunity Necklace again.

Evil Do'er
Old Rob gets air time whacking away at some logs with the machete. He's glaring at everyone that talks to him… basically morphing into Jack Nicholson in The Shining. He is the official Evil Man and he's gonna be a peach next week. :D

Eye Candy
Nope… Nothing… Nowhere… nadda… the boiz and the girlz are all way into the skin and bones zone and there is really nothing nice to look at anywhere.

It's two tribes yo! Sean leading Vecepia, Kathie, Paschal and Neleh. The other side is Tammy, Rob and Zoe… but Zoe goes nutz and gets whacked this week so it's Rob and Tammy on a spit for next week!

The Out House
Ok… not much to say here… Zoe gets tossed by a comprehensive killer vote. However, let me just say BARFFFF as Sean is asked about his experience with Paschal at the Native Feast and he gets so choked up he cannot continue to talk. This is looking a whole lot like how anything comes to this guy… He is a total faker.
Oh… John-Evil-Male-Nurse guy is the Jury tonight. He's all clean shaved, hair cut, and cutie pie like. I was surprised nobody just slapped him.

Two things...
~ we are treated to a delightful moment from next weeks epi with Vecepia bawling her eyes out … Finally! I mean, the point of this game is to mess with the players heads…
~ Paschal appears to be in a serious state of disrepair. I swear he looks like he's going to expire.

Brought to you by the DM fan club of me:

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