Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Survivor 4 Update!!


Survivor IV : Update


Were Farting Is A Sign Of Godhood




Wherein … bwaahahahahhhahahahaha.. snort…. cough… snort… aaaahahahahha ha ha ha … ohh… aaaaahhhhh hahahahaa… (wiping tears) bwaahahhhaa. Your mm.. mmo… mother can't retire?? Bwaahahahaha… ohh hah hah haha Your Abs? Haha .gag… snort… choke…. cough… ahahahaha… bwaahahah…
no… wait…no.. really… just gimmi a sec… ah … ha hah ahahah nope… can't do it… bwaahahaha COUGH SNORT choke.. bwaahhahaaa (more tears… )



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less more...
Sleep'en in the Marquises is all about putting up with the farts. A wind storm helps a bit, but the even the big trees fall over when you push 'em hard 'nuf. Kathy works on a Zoe head fuck and Male Nurse John works on himself. They fly kites for Snickers and deep sea dive'en, and do trivia for immunity. Neleh (Beaver Cleaver) and Paschel (Old Man Ass Mr. Cleaver) are basically fish food being passed back and forth between tanks of big dumb guppies… who ultimately eat their young anyways. They swing away from the Slime-Monster and conspire with the Shaggy. Male Nurse's cry on camera… :D

The Darwin Moment!
Lets see… where to start?
Paschel: Lovely… did they learn nothing from Survivor Australia? Old Man Ass goes to bed right fricken beside the raging fire in a wind storm… he's lucky he woke up with any body hair.
But the winner;
Male Nurse John: tosses Sean a kiss-oh-death salute as he knocks His Royal Laziness out of a competition… thus er… well certainly not endearing himself…

Best Quote
Male Nurse John (aka Slimy Smarm Monster): "I think me and Paschel are really pulling for me." What? What? You oozing mass of gelatinous self-importance…

Neleh: "I got a kite and a new outfit out of this competition." As she makes her kite for the reward challenge… this from the girl that gets a whole tube-top out of her Head Buff… Oh, and her kite sucked donkey butts.

Sean: (honesty…) "Look at my kite! Looks like the little rascals built it!!" (uh huh… and you are? Mm? Buckwheat?)

Male Nurse Looser: After Mrs. Cleaver (Kathy Clipboard) comes back with a snickers bar and shares it… "It was a nice gesture, but 1/8th of a snickers bar is not gonna change my vote…" Well duh… but you ate it. They all ate it… She should have eaten it by herself while telling them about the reward.

Soliantu
The merged tribe… a steaming cesspool of humanity if ever there was one. All they need is a compound in the Deep South or Texas and a charismatic cult leader…

The show starts off with a low light cam shot of night 21 with the crew trying to hit the hay in a windstorm. The editing of the show gives us segue and segue to daylight one-on-ones with the campers. Each segue is initialized by a delightful FART… yea, fart… pealing away in the tent and Sean sounding like Shaggy with his "wasn't me!", and everyone else riding him on is non-stop bodily functions. Zoe must have drawn the short straw and fed us the line about how lovely it was in camp x-ray now that Rob is gone… ha! Then we get a Sean moment, where he professes his comfort with the ways of the game and punctuates it, one-on-one with the camera, by zipping off another cracker. Rripppppfft!

Paschal pulls his "Sleep by the fire" darwin move in time to give us footage of two trees falling over from the wind. (fix!!!). Very symbolic, I'd say, of the whole nights episode. The only bad thing is the damn trees missed caving in their palm-frond tent!

In the morning Kathy puts the evil eye on Zoe trying to lay a guilt trip into place over the "were you gonna vote me out" thing… She goes to everyone with this… See I think she's in a rush to find out stuff 'cause she seems to have contracted some crazy disease and is now shrinking. She's lost not an ounce less than 20 lbs and her sleeves seem to be, like, 8 inches to long all the time…

Reward Challenge
As Rob tells Paschal… "go fly a kite". They get these kits and are told to make kites. The challenge is to get a kite up 300' first.

The reward is a big snickers bar and a deep sea diving expedition… and Jeff starts 'em all off with a slice of a big snickers bar… He hand feeds each of them, starting with Zoe. Now, no shit here… Zoe practically bites his frigging hand off… she makes this evil-mistress face, seems to growl and snaps at his fingers… Geezus… I bet she just beats the living hell out her lovers for kicks.

The wind is perfect and they are on a clear beachhead… it couldn't be better. Job one in flying a kite is to not be a total and complete nimrod. Watching Big John, weenie John, Sean, Paschal, Vecepia, Tammy and Neleh (who. btw, made a postage-stamp size crappy kite that wouldn't fly - and clothes) all stumbling around tossing their kites in the air and running some more… Keystone…positively Keystone!! Now Zoe and Kath were right there… they got it in spades and immediately play out line… and … and Kathy takes the prize.

She goes on this big deal dive… it's really cool but if details are important turn on the "fish tank channel" and watch for a bit… that's basically what we put up with for 6 minutes. But!! But she comes back with the snickers bar and proceeds to share it evenly with the gang. What a load! She knows who's on what team… She should have eaten the thing in front of them… bah!

Evil Do'er
It's all about Male Nurse John tonight… the guy is totally gone over to the dark side… if he shows up in the papers next year with a big giant surgical scar across his forehead I wont be surprised. He flips Sean a kiss-of-death (which Sean catches and applies with compassion to his butt cheek), he acts all smarmy and self assured and keeps trying to "hold court" … ya know… be all "Well this is how it will go." Tammy is like his little Igor, padding around behind him doing his evil bidding…

Eye Candy
So did you go for that Pinocchio deal? Cause Neleh, who as I suspected, is just now coming into her airtime, has one hell of a knob at the end of her nose… she looks all cute and little (gaunt, emaciated, yikes!!) and stuff… but damn if she doesn't look like she just told a great big fat lie.

Yes, Tammy still holds the little tiara but they really don't get any money shots…

Is it the heat or do these guys (Male Nurse John, and Sean in particular) smear oil all over themselves before the daytime camera shots… The both always look like human suppositories ready for application.

Alliance
Well now… aren't we special. How great was that? Ol'Tamsters points her teeth at the camera and feeds us "Paschal, Neleh, me, Big Rob, John and Zoe have it worked out… Sean, Kathy and Vecepia… Sean is going next."

Now we've all been watching right? I mean… do they have to beat us with it like it was a big trout and we're fishmongers who can't make the weekly mob payment? If they point at something it's a misdirection… period.

Kath keeps trying to deal with pulling Beaver and her dad, Mr. Cleaver into her web with Vecepia and Sean. And right now, five is the magic number. They demure her advances but ultimately are pushed into knowing that they are locked in a pattern they don't like with Male Nurse John. So they bail and swing the precious "five".

Immunity Challenge
The immunity challenge was just whacked… On the surface, it was a trivia challenge about Survival skills appropriate to the Marquises. It included this player-elimination scheme that centered on each person having three lines that were cut by those getting the right answers in the quiz. Lose your lines, get out of the game… "last one standing" sorta thing.

Well… Peek under the hood of this game and it's a total manipulation by the dungeon masters back at CBS. It's easy to knock people out… several people get the right answer so someone goes pretty well every turn. And, of course, the order of line-cut-loser is Sean, Kathy, Vecepia, Paschal, Neleh, Rob and John, leaving Tammy as Immunity Girl.

Bottom line: Rob, John and Tammy were cocky as hell. The reveled in cutting Sean's lines, eliminating him from immunity contention… then came the kiss-of-death thing. Zap. Neleh and Paschal are turned… turned towards the dark side (pun alert!!!).

The Out House
So they go back to camp and we see the writing on the wall for some serious fun… Male Nurse John is all about being confident and Neleh and Paschal are grabbing airtime as lil'Neleh gets all the sound bites.

They sit down with Jeff and he immediately goes for the jugular… asking Vecepia about the order of Line-Cutting in the immunity challenge and she calls John out with a "they were a little too enthusiastic." Bing bing bing bing!!!

They vote and it's a resounding kick in the ass for Male Nurse John with a sprinkle of Sean for good measure. Goodbye… bwaahahahahaha…


Two things...
~ HE CRIES!!!! HE CRIES… oh lord it was priceless… His exit speech starts with "I have great abs… sniff… Mom, I guess you wont be able to retire now… and I had a lot of fun… (open sobbing, sniveling and wussyness!!! Hahahaha… loser!)
~ The preview for next week has dancing girls in grass skirts… gee did a new show start on the competitions network?

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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

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