(By the way ... this is a good tune... catches you)
So I got this problem with parenting... I am a BIG SUCKER. My kids are 3 and 5 and they have me wrapped around their little fingers. This really isn't so bad, I mean I just love them soooo much and blah blah blah. BUT:
It also pans out like this (something totally understood by most parents and greek to those that are yet to realize what it's all about...) - for example: once your kiddies get it in their heads that when you say "Stop" they can Not Stop and all that will happen is you'll say "STOP" again, then they basically stop giving a crap about you saying "stop" (or whatever). Now discipline is a great thing... I mean, kids need - thrive on - schedules, calm, and rules that are understood. Sure, from there you can break out of the mold and get silly, but you can't live silly... They (kiddies) need a little organization in their lives and you (mom&dad) need the relief from constantly trying to control crazy kiddies.
I may be rambling here, (but tough) So the idea is that Z is basically super mom... I know this completely. This is a compliment not sarcasm. The kids know when mom says "stop" she means it BIG TIME. I'm not a complete looser on that front - I've read the books (i.e. magic 1-2-3) etc. and they do listen and they totally love me... its just a discipline thing. They get away with more shit when I'm in charge than when Z is at the helm. While that's not such a horrid thing, it does create it's own "other" problems.
So, I GET THIS! and I'm trying.
I get up in the night (at least 60 % of the times that its required) to deal with crying baby. I get up at 6:30, shower and deal with who ever is up (kiddies) and make coffee, shave, dress, bring the coffee to Z and SPLIT for work. One hour commute on a bus. I work like crazy while she - no doubt works like crazy at home (*believe me, this is not a she does, he does thing... I know she works hard). I get off work and bus it home. When I get there, more often than not, I make dinner and goof with kids (no question that I am the cook type in our house). Then pack away dinner and get the kids ready for bed (into the bath and into pjs) while Z cleans up. We split the kids at bed time - reading, cuddling and "get to sleep"ing.
Other than the weekends, this is the extent of my time with the junior juices... I cherish it. Now totally ignoring the complete short fucking fuse I have visa vi my non-smoking deal, when Z lays into me with some sarcastic crack about how I'm letting them walk all over me I tend to let that PISS ME OFF. As it did last night. I refuse to turn on Z and give er what for... not my style... I want to "talk about it" later... but when I pop, I pop by walking out of the room and pacing a bit. (used to go for a smoke! but ...)
Any ways, it totally got the better of me when Z put me on the spot while we were dressing the little monsters for bed and when I tried to deal with it with Z later she basically just dragged me through the I suck at parenting thing and I got WAY more pissed off.
Zebra has a bad ass cold and is about 4 days from going totally pre-minstrel so I know I gotta cut slack but last night I was major aggravated. And wanting to chill with a little toot let alone a smoke did not, even a little, help. I may be milking the "I'm all sensitive cause I just quit smoking" thing a bit but that's going to have to be happy filed under TOUGH SHIT too - cause my option is to just cave. and I do not want to go there.
After some lj talk'ing and online stuff I finally crawled into the sack and even set the vcr to tape Z's fav show (she a Bewitched'a'holic) and we ended up super bodies entwined snuggling against the cold stuff till morning and I'm hoping the after work zone will start with a big mutual hug and mutually whispered "sorry"s and "I luv you"s. I let you know later if that worked out of if it just got shitty again... I'm banking on it getting good.