Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 4 Update!!

Survivor IV : Update

Maraamu's Revenge

Wherein the Maraamu tribes tastes sweet revenge. There is blindness, piracy, crabs, rapping white people and an absolutely amazing yet complete lack of mental acuity amongst the gathered boneheads!!

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less...
The mini-tribe, Maraamu, group hugs / prays before everything... and Rotu is priming for internal dissent! (finally) For Reward the daft lead the blind. For immunity the dorks build a Save Me signal... unfortunately for Rotu, stupid is as stupid does. The Huggers get to go on an all out panty raid of Club Rotu and leave Rotu hugging their tiki torches at the Out House. Male-Nurse-John builds a coalition while Boston Rob maintains a tenuous grip on reality. Gabriel tips completely off the deep end and Poppa Paschal is gang'en with three wenches. Gabe's gone and Jeff is shocked into clarity of thought.

The Darwin Moment!
Above all else, this single aspect of the Survivor game - all of them - stands alone as the clearest example of how little "game" intelligence these people have... and it's Darwinian in the extreme. If someone says, and ultimately proves to you that, they are not here to play the game.... then great! That's basically an NPC - Non Player Character... screw 'em and keep 'em around. If you have to get rid of someone... get rid of an asshole or get rid of your competition. I am at a loss as to why they got rid of Teddy Bear Boy (Gabriel).

On a lighter note... Male-Nurse-John made a good show of his total lack of mental prowess when he walked up to Sean - SEAN the lazy ass moron - and tells him flat out about his strategy. After spending all his cycles on getting a coalition of Original Rotu on his ass, he goes and spills it to the biggest jerk in the crew. bleh!

Guess who said...?
"So what? Do you see Stoopid tattooed on my forehead?"
(no, but there's a giant "L" there...)

Best Quotes
Sean, talking to Gabriel; "That's the spirit boy!... yea Boy!" (and he said it with attitude on the word "boy").

Teddy Bear Boy (Gabe); "I came here to build a society with seven other people. I'm not here to play the game." WHAT??? You big big freak!! Where do you think you are?

Male-Nurse-John: "I've stepped up as the leader. I have leadership qualities." yahuh... mmmmk? and I know how to paint a target on my back too.

Jeff Probst, (in an astounding moment of clarity) addressing the gang at the Out House; "…by voting out Gabe you send away someone who's strong, who kept your spirits up and worked hard. We'll see how that plays out."

The land of the group hug... the winners of the night. Basically nothing happens in their camp except group hugs and prayer circles... oh, except at one point Neleh almost shot her eyes out of her head trying to be expressive about some wonderful thing going on. They live in the land of flowing citrus fruits, and Gina's hips. Have you seen this woman's hip-to-waist ratio? Look here. It's almost mannequin like. Oh and the knife is a good touch.

They could use an intensive course on crab shucking from a Denny's waitress (they caught a dozen crabs and pigged out) but besides that... it's all hugs and prayers.

All that pray'en paid off... lemmi tell ya. The reward challenge was this deal with three blind mice scurrying around a field littered rocks and logs looking for totem poll bits under the direction of an overseer that's barking out "right, left.... straight... stop" etc. Gabriel was all flustered on Rotu with idiots like John essentially messing up the whole left and right thing. Rotu had to sit four peeps out (to even up the teams) so they left Lazy-Ass Sean, Boston Rob, Sea Captain Zoe and Vecepia on the side lines... It is noteworthy to point out that this means they will have to rely on them for the next - er... immunity - challenge.

The challenge gets down to the wire with Rotu thinking they were on top but had actually missed a totem poll piece, so Maraamu pulls ahead and manages to grab their first taste of victory... While they're all a'jump'en around with glee, the camera gives us a moment or two on the Rotu Crew looking very seriously depressed... and rightly so. The winners get to raid the loser's camp... with the only rule that they must leave a knife, a water bottle and the players personal items behind. They used their three minute shopping spree to make off with all their blankets, pillows, implements of destruction and AND a big vat of hot peppers... you know, to spice up the disgusting shell fish sushi they were passing off as food.

Evil Do'er
Well... other than my desire to paint Paschal as an old perve... and Kathy as Nurse Ratchit, I really got nothing on these guys... They deserved to have Happy Gabriel on their team, but alas... he is stuck in hell er.. I mean Rotu.

Eye Candy
They (CBS) are not playing Neleh up much but we still have Gina. Such as she is... all hipbones and skeletal look'en.

One big happy family... what can I say.. they'll consume Kathy if they end up at the Out House again before the merge... but heck, who wouldn't?

Well now... the focus of the show seems to follow the most undesirable characters. Lord Rob (Boston Rob) and The-Boy-From-The-Hood Sean dominate the politics and aggravations of the Rotu Crew. However, the show starts with a little Male-Nurse-John time in a strategic face off with Captain Valium... Gabriel. Gabe is all about saying how he's not here to play the game... this is the same guy that was saying quite clearly that he wanted to be rid of Sean and Rob at the earliest convenience. John calls him on this and he balks... John immediately picks up the "get Gabe" torch and begins the process of Rotu's destruction...

Now John is such a panty wipe it's actually funny to watch him posture... "I'll deal with him as required..." he says of Gabe... yea well, he did - in the end - but still and all, he will fall to the wily ways of Lord Rob.

Gabriel, meanwhile is - regardless of his proclamations to the contrary - playing the game. He would basically blow Sean if he could get Sean to whip it out, but he can't so he settles for a little rap session... with Sean doing the vibrating lip/spit thing...

When they lose the Reward Challenge they are seriously laid low by the loss of supplies... They do this little "bounce back because we're a happy family" thing but it wears thin and, of course, there's Male-Nurse-John plotting and scheming. Tammy shows up at this point in one her rare appearances in the show to once again cut to the chase and point out that the happy family is a sham.

The Immunity Challenge is the ever-repeated "build a SOS signal" deal... this time they cannot use fire and have to signal a passing boat. In that they sat the ex-Maraamu's out of the Reward Challenge, they form the team for the signal deal. And they just suck... no really, they suck. They make this (no kidding here) big black sign and put a blob of sorta-red in the middle, and wave hand held flags the size of high school team pennants, and blow a whistle... oh and they yell a lot. In their defense, the Panty Raid reward deprived them of their white blankets. CBS only gave us "in process" footage of Rotu building their signal... this in itself is a bad sign for those of us getting used to the shows editing style. When the boat floats past and Captain New Guy looks through the binoculars at the beach, he sees the water, a thick stand of local vegetation and something kinda moving around the waters edge. He wasn't impressed.

Well then… we switch over to Maraamu. These guys have all the marbles. First of all their beach is backed by a low rise of grass and a horizon. They make this ginormous white sign with a huge red center and march that back and forth along the beach. A 25 foot tall pole sports a banner and have Paschel dances along the beach with the American Flag. Adding a bon-fire would have only added marginally to the impact of their SOS when the Captain dude checks 'em in his binoculars. He gives Maraamu the horn and Jeff gives 'em the immunity idol. And there was much group hugging.

It's off to the Out House for Rotu - finally!!!

Evil Do'er
Yea, look… Male-Nurse-John is all a'puffen with his new found delusions of grandeur, but it's Rob, Boston Rob, that really takes the cake. Of course it's in his interest to play along with John's TOTALLY REVEALED hand… A Rotu gets tossed!! But when the dealer gets high on his own supply, he ends up at his competition's door right quick. Putting the "gone" on Gabriel does nothing but put a smile on Lord Rob's face… as remarkably demonstrated in careful freeze frames of the group at Tribal Council - the Out House - when Jeff dismisses them… Rob is freak'en beaming!!!

Eye Candy
Nothing but Tammy and she's under exposed… but her time will come. Don't talk to me about Zoe. The face she pulled off when Maraamu won the Reward Challenge was worth rewinding and watching again just to see the transition from Sea Captain to a Dr. Seuss character.

John approaches Voodoo Rob - Tammy comes second to him for fewest actual sound bites - seeking alliance assurance and gets it like a sailor gets a blow job on a submarine... on the spot and with gusto. He then goes to Tammy and then to Zoe. This gets him a four-man crew on his little life raft... then he stencils Titanic across the stern by going to see Sean about the same deal... "let's oust Gabriel."

Like it or not, Boston Rob, Sean and Cepia, are no longer targets for no other reason than that Gabriel is actually a source of naturally occurring stupid. The whole deal gets refocused from the ex-Maraamu's to Gabriel with his insistence that he's "not here to play the game...", which of course makes everyone suspicious of him. Rob and Sean are suck'en this up with a straw.

The Out House
So…. Rotu's on the hot seat at last. Editing drives nail after nail into John's coffin, thereby assuring us that he, in fact, is not being voted off tonight. This is where he (John) talks about his leadership abilities… everyone else is audibly groaning… He - Jeff - ironically asks Zoe who she thinks the "tribe Card" is… the funny guy… It's ironic because when she pulls a full on smile she achieves a striking resemblance to Jack Nicholson's "The Joker" of Batman fame.

They vote… every last one of 'em votes for Gabriel. We see five before Jeff calls it and the rest during the credits.

Right after he dismisses Gabriel, he turns back to the assembled butt-heads and says; "by voting out Gabe you send away someone who's strong, who kept your spirits up and worked hard." As if to say he is completely bewildered. "We'll see how it plays out… You can head back to camp." Camera changes angles AND PAUSE! Look at the face on Boston Rob… His smile makes Zoes' look like a sphincter. He is just beside himself happy.

Two things...
~ Boston Rob and John are going to come to conflict… there's a clip from next week with Rob blowing steam and I mean, really… John is just playing into the little Hitler's hands.
~ Merge?

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