Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
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Survivor 4 Update!


Survivor IV : Update


Now it gets messy.




Wherein... his lordship, psycho Bronx Rob begins his descent into darkness with gusto! Jeff comes along and shuffles the deck, putting the burn on Rob and Sean - the laziest almost-humans on the face of the planet. Gina is snatched back from the cliff's edge and we end up with a heavy girls against the boys weighting for new tribes. Beware! Testosterone tends to sink to very low levels... so the boiz will basically fight for the next 30 days... and the girls? well, in the words of ol'Flav, "chicks aint shit but bitches and trix" Lets watch 'em all play.



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less...
(Ok, so it's 120 words… sue me!)
Group hugs in Rotu-land… Get the lithium for Rob at Maraamu. Probst shuffles the deck and The MuMu-Crew and Goto-Roto get mixed. Gina, so happy, she keeps peeing her pants, gives Sarah some Please-Just-Die-Right-Now looks, and Kathy looks at all the fruit at Camp MuMu and screams "Get In Ma Belly". Lord Rob is so burnt. He pontificates on his new tribe mates to much slack jaw gagging by yours truly. He and Sean just cannot get the concept of not being lazy dips. Oh, Sarah gets lost, and her personal-floatation-devices don't help at all. Sean rants hard and then? Immunity. Rotu holds the cards again and when the new shuffle hits the Out House, well… life-preserver girl goes.

The Epi Review
We all saw it coming… With the good-for-nothing gang (Rob, Sarah and Sean) holding a knife to Cepia's neck and pouring Engine coolant down Gina's throat (sweet tasting but fatal if consumed) CBS had to mix things up a bit… Jeff paid lip service to saying "this was planned long before you ever got to French Polynesia" but it sure worked out well.

After a few minutes of showing us Camp X-Ray, er, I mean MuMu looking like a dive with Rob saying he was the grand Pooba, and the kids at Rotu filled the screen with words of love and family bonding… tree mail comes along and puts and end to all that.

The kids hike it out to this challenge… Jeff tells 'em it's not a reward or immunity challenge. That's yer first hint. On one side is this layout of little disks and behind Jeff-the-tormentor is a big blue and a big yellow floor patch. That's yer second hint.

The gang is told to pick - at random - a disk to perch on and when they do, they each find either a yellow or a blue bandana under their disk… effectively redistributing themselves into the two tribes. The new layout is like this; The "(N)" means that he/she changed tribes.
Rotu:
Zoe, Gabriel, John, Vecepia (N), Bronx-Rob (N), Sean (N), Robert and Tammy.
Maraamu:
Gina, Neleh (N), Kathy (N), Sarah, Paschal (N). (note: neleh and paschal are still together)

Lemmi tell ya, Gina is one lucky skinny chick…

The Darwin Moment!
Please lord, can someone grab the kids of Camp Rotu by their collective testicles (of which there are now a majority btw) and shake 'em for a bit… Hello? If you don't fucking lose a challenge soon you will end up with dip-weed Rob and Lazy-ass Sean on the frigging jury!!!!!! Lord love a duck. These guys attack the Immunity Challenge without a single thought to the big picture.

Oh, and seeing as we're handing out Darwin awards… Rob and Sean have got to be the most pathetic excuses for humans I have ever imagined. See "Best Quotes".

Guess Who Said...
"Yup... I think we got 8 guys and one girl... and her name is John." (The speaker got the math wrong...)

Best Quote
It's the Rob show tonight… with a little Sean for good measure;
~ Rob on his new tribe mates, starting with Male Nurse John;
"When I first met John I thought he was a big time queer… He seems all tough but he does all the cooking… Yea, I won't be sleeping next to him."
On Robert (Voodoo boy - who has this "The General" tattoo);
"The general thinks he's big and tough … he prol'y has a little sausage." (Please let there be footage of Robert seeing the tapes of this!!!)
On Tammy;
"Tammy's engaged, so there's not much hope there…" ???????????????
And (when she brings him a snack) he comments to Sean;
"She's ok, as long as she keeps serving!"
On Zoe;
"Zoe's the toughest guy in this tribe!"
This guy will be getting spit-burgers in restaurants across the US for life, man.

Now… Sean on the whole gang of new tribe mates… spoken directly to Gabriel;
"You people are all Clydesdales!!! I'm a grown man and I want to relax!".
Then to the Camera;
"Slavery's been dead for hundreds of years! [sic] and I hear the whole Roots thing here…" Folks, he's not talking about attractive Olympics Logo clothing. The boi is so freaking racist I can hear the sound of shotguns cocking across Tennessee and Alabama from my seat.

Maraamu
Pre shuffle… it's all about Gina fending off against the Lazy-gang over why they tossed Hunter. They don't give her an inch. Sarah stands there in her bikini (night vision cam recording her argument with gina) with her hands locked behind her back saying all sweet like "really?" when Gina suggests she thought she'd have been tossed instead of Hunter. Gina is dead-bang next.

After they get the tree-mail they sit down and comment that they always interpret these things wrong… so they agree to, um… do nothing (duh) and relax before the challenge.

Then they shuffle.

So now it's Bossy Kathy, Neleh (young, dumb and full of … er, never mind) and Paschal (old man ass!) teamed up with Back-from-the-dead Gina and PFD Sarah. Kathy's barking out orders left and right… that is after she gets over the shock of having a grapefruit tree in the camp.

Kathy manages to march the gang off in search of water and gets 'em totally lost. I mean, no matter what I still see her as a total nut case but she's definitely not lazy. This, of course, works great with Sarah… that is, if you like the WWF. Sarah eventually bails on the water marathon thinking she'd walk back to camp… it takes her and her boobs about 3 minutes to get lost and thanks to the ravages of a non-protein diet, is able to tuck 'em between her legs and wanders back to the Kathy party.

Immunity challenge? Kathy seems to carry a special "super power" wherever she goes… people just freeze to immobility when she starts yammering. The immunity challenge was this HUGE woven-strips-of-cloth thing that required manipulation to transform it into a particular design… first tribe to recreate the design wins. As I mentioned above, the trick would be for Rotu to lose this challenge and let MuMu win so Rotu could oust some dead wood. Now, in order to do that, Rotu would have had to all walk away and lie down for a nap. MuMu was taking for freaking ever just to decide who to listen to… by the time they had internalized the idea that Kathy was going to argue with anything anyone else said, Rotu was done!

Eye Candy
Skinny white women… nope. Nothing happening here… well maybe Neleh in time… when they start giving her air time.

Alliance
Um… k, you definitely do not need a degree in social sciences to see the writing on the wall here… Sarah is just reviled by the rest of her tribe. When they first got together Sarah went on a bit about how great Hunter was, but that they decided to toss him. Gina is standing there giving Sarah this look… Gina's kind of tall, and the whole "skinny chick, arms crossed over her chest, glaring down at Sarah" was positively X-Men like.

Rotu
Wow… where to start… Gabriel, he'll be the emerging gingerbread boy toy for sure… he had the first line for the Team-Rotu tonight "Because of the Unity and Love we all feel it truly is one big happy family." (gag!!!)

Then the shuffle.

BIG ROARING GUFFAW! They get Rob, Sean and Vecepia. Rob gets to sit and have his say about the new tribe but the order of day one with the new family is GET YER ASS TO WORK. We have these great moments of video showing Rob and Sean "slaving" away, carrying wood, toting that bail... picking cotton... an-den? Well they got tired. Yes sir...

Cepia gets a sound bite with "these people are like ants!" but she takes up the slack and realizes that she's in danger of getting painted with the same brush that is currently rendering a lovely picture of Rob and Sean reclining on the beach discussing how they're going to go on a hike tomorrow and sleep in the woods.

Tammy, ever the realist, brings the lazy-dips some coconut popcorn (burnt popcorn) and comments "yea, they're not doing any work... I'll bring them food, but when the vote comes? they're outta here." This, btw, is when Rob comes out with the amazing line "She's ok, so long as she keeps serving." I had to hold z back from strangling the tv for a bit there.

So Teddy-bear (Gabriel) gets the dubious distinction of being near Sean when he finally snaps... Someone must have asked him if he'd pass the salt or something... and BANG! Off he goes... ranting away about how "you guys are all Clydesdales.... work work work... always running around... working... I just want to relax.. I'm coming out of my shell [bwaahahaha] and saying if you want to vote me off then do it.. but I'm relaxing." All I can say is that I am praying with both hands for him to say the wrong thing to Robert (voodoo man)... Just imagine ol'Sean having to let Male Nurse John dig in his foot with a knife.

Evil Do'er
We've covered this haven't we?

Eye Candy
Yea... Gabriel is pretty well the only cute thing left on this crew... I mean, they got Tammy and she seems like a great girl but we have very little of her to work with... I'm guessing they're saving her for the second half of the series. Then there's Zoe... and Rob is not too far off the mark when he comments that she's the "toughest guy on this tribe." So what I'm getting at is this is one big crew of testosterone. There's just no way at all that this will not go badly any day now. And that will be fun!

Alliance
Yea... well, Cepia is going to definitely work at being accepted by the Club-Rotu. Sean and Rob are both just standing on the edge of the "walk the plank" plank. That leaves the rest of the happy family as a single entity. Now if they'd only hurry up and lose a competition or two and get rid of Rob and Sean before those two end up on the Jury!!!!

The Out House
Gina comments before they trudge to the out house that it looks like Sarah's number is up... but "the type of girl she is... she prol'y has no clue." (nail, head, hammer!)
The Maraamu gang get together with Dom-Jeff and casts their votes... There are five voters.. Sarah, Gina, Neleh, Kathy and Paschal... There was never any question... Sure, true to form, CBS tries to edit in a little Kathy issue to distract us but it's just no use... Sarah is just toast... When Jeff "tallys the vote" he comes rushing back and announces a mis-vote and reminds Sarah that she cannot vote for herself.... ok ok.. didn't happen but still... well, 4 to 1. they'reShe's gone!

Two things...
~ the preview for next week included a shot of Jeff telling the gangs that the "winner" gets to raid the losers camp... hmm....
~ historical considerations... I'd say we'll get a challenge with one of those "last man/woman standing wins immunity" deals...


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Brought to you by the DM fan club of me:

and dedicated to the happy lj'ers playing all over LA this weekend. :D
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