Survivor IV : Update
Wherein ... we see the tribes in an Arms race, competitions heat up, candidates for the Survivor Darwin Awards line up and we are treated to the single most unbelievably disgusting moments the history of this show.
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 100 words or less...
A Rotu massage conga line versus the trophy for laziest ass in Maraamu? Each tribe has their El'Cid, Kathy and Patti (dumb ass or what?) but best of all is how people are their own worst enema's… The Black vote gets psychic, and the young lovers are just stoooopid. Competition reveals rocks for brains, and some cast iron tummies. Gina shines, while Maraamu carries the loosing streak to three… Neleh can swallow her own chunks faster than Rob… That's immunity for ya. Gotta lose someone… they Throw Mama From The Train.
The Darwin Moment!
See the idea here is survival of the fittest right? K so if you're on thin ice, it's prol'y not a great idea to JUMP UP AND DOWN AND STAMP YOUR FEET. Holy-moon-shot Mama… um,… the kids in Maraamu are calling Patricia Mama… Why? Is it cause she a little older and perhaps a little matronly? Or is it 'cause she's dragging them all back to their worst nightmares of Mom bitchen at 'em to clean up their rooms…
I wouldn't want to let it go unsaid that the two survivors of color, Sean and Vecepia are really earning their way into the Darwin club too… Talk about being your own worst enemies. Sean is so wrapped up in being pissed about not getting elected as god that he's closing down any effort to contribute. He's dragg'en Cepia with him as they make a big deal about their blackness… I can already hear him going off on someone about being racist… and there is just no chance at all that he is not the biggest racist to get on this show.
"I mean, I'm not so hard to get along with, am I?" (Kathy, Rotu)… honey buns? You are so going to shooting through the window of that train when Maraamu has to hold their hands over the fire… Could you maybe bitch and whine a little more? No? Already filling your days with that are ya? Ok…
See, this happens in every Survivor… one tribe basically embraces the concept of being in a good place and having some fun… while the other divides themselves along the line between fun and boot camp.
We'll get to Kathy in a bit…
Lil'Teddy-Bear Boy (Gabriel) put it nicely at the get go of tonight's epi as the cameras panned across a conga line of the kids giving each other shoulder rubs… "This is most definitely the love shack, in our own little love tribe… but Kathy isn't one of us…"
Poor Rob (voodoo boy) has been a bit under the weather… otherwise, the whole crew has been stuck in an arms race to make spears, fish hooks, pig-snares, and any other implements of destruction they can come up with… Food… specifically, protein, is turning into a priority for this gang.
Rotu may not actually have any leadership… and they the incredible suck (Mr. Mail Nurse - John) and Kathy to cope with, but they do have the smarts. The Reward Challenge was this deal with a row boat sunk in 15 feet of water … filled with rocks that they had to surface and row to shore. The Goto-Rotu kids were the first to realize that, um… tipping the thing over at the bottom would be somewhat more useful than diving down and taking out one rock at a time… This put them on the path to victory and the proud parents of a bouncing baby "Pair of Flippers and a Snorkel". Fish beware!
The competition (Maraamu) managed to polarize into Hunter getting plenty of rocks out, and the rest of them realizing they can't hold their breath… until - too late - they realized they could tip the boat… then it was a matter of playing catch up… which they did not play well 'nuf.
Nurse-boi is getting all bent out of shape over his own personal race to come up with a "reason etre"… some excuse for his continued existence… He wanted to be the goto-guy for food, and Kathy managed to bring home some shell fish… well, some disgusting muscles in shells… He (nursy) thinks he's playing the game but he's playing the whiney bitch. However, he's up against the queen of whiney bitches so, in reality, he has very little to worry about.
Needs a vacuum
Oh lord, Kathy… Shut up before they… never mind… too late. She is so seriously going to be the girl they fry the moment they end up at council. She has this terrifically nasty habbit of whistling for everyone every time she finds a bug that might be edible… it's making for good video footage of the rest of the crew rolling their eyes. The topper was her showing up at camp with a sacho stuffed with some clams… dumping them out with great fan fare and demanding that the rest of the kids appoint her queen of eats and build her a castle to sleep in. (no, really… she says "I did this (getting the clams) now I want you to get busy on the fire more and build a better shelter"… two or three "I just want a roof over my head"s thrown in for good measure… Oh, and then there were the tears when Teddy-bear calls her on it and say's "No… I don't think we want to be put in special rolls… you for food, him for shelter, etc." Then the rest of the gang chimes in with various ways of saying "bite me". Oh, she was laid low… hahahaha… Honey, get a vacuum and go home.
Now the surprising thing was how the gang knuckled under and rebuilt the shelter… she's going to bristle with that success but it will only (already is) build up greater and greater depths of resentment. Unless she starts blowing all the guys, she is going to get tossed off that island by the kids faster than a food inspector by the CBS crew. Oh, and about the food… we'll get there in a minute… but start practicing saying "yuck" now…
Watching Neleh swallow her own puke just did not get her into the spotlight… but Tammy is on deck for this tribe. I mean, I would have thought Johnboi (Nursy) would emerge but he's just too whiny… Paschal's whole body is suffering from old-man-ass (ala Sex In The City - Samantha), Zoe looks funny, Kathie? Gimmi a break, and Voodoo boy just looks like a serial killer. Oh, there's Teddy-Bear boi… Ok, so Tammy and and Gabriel… the Goto-Rotu Eye Candy zone… I haven't got a handle on Gabby yet but I've a feeling he'll stay the course on the "speaks his mind thing" and Tammy is a reporter… she can read people… Now if we could just get the two of them to get dressed in some palm leaves we'd be off to the races.
This is Zoe's game. The immunity challenge was all about eating disgusting fishy stuff… a no-brainer for the fishing boat captain. I'm still thinking she's the quiet riot that will rise like a phoenix after the party kids implode as they start losing challenges.
Everybody except Kathy on one side of the fire… and Kathy whimpering on the other. No question…
What a bunch of losers…
Geezus… They start off all cute and fun with a healthy "CBS Morning Show" skit with Hunter doing the weather report and Sean singing a little James Brown… and they sell it like it's how they start the day. This was morning number three kids… no way! This routine will get thin fast… and besides, they seem to have a ton more fun ragg'en on each other.
Watching Hunter apply sun block to Patricia was kinda funny… Bronks Boy (Rob) peanut galleries when Pat lifts her arms in a scary kinda Iron Cross pose. Bronks asks Hunter to rub the lotion "underneath"… pointing to her arm-jiggle zone… you know, Italian Matron Mama Arm Fat…
She (Mama) gets the humor, but she is also way WAY to busy going mental on everyone… She's appointed herself the job of den mother to the crew and there is no end of push back to be had.
Lets talk sushi… The resident Joseph Mengela of French Polynesia (Jeff Probst) took great delight in introducing the kids to the immunity challenge… "It's called Bofaru… start with some shell fish bits… make a marinade and let it rot for three days in sea water. Then pour it over some raw, rancid fish and let that stew in the sun for a bit… THEN BOB FOR IT." He described it as "worse than a public restroom on a hot day." The kids had to pit tribe mate to tribe mate in an "eat off"… quite literally bobbing for rancid sushi. I was about to freaking puke…
We got to see some really hungry people suck it up… but then the weak ones are revealed… and when the gang ties they have a tie breaker… each team picking a member from the opposition to chow down on a seriously large portion. K, as I type this I'm practically gagging. The two weakest tummy owners get to face off… Neleh versus Bronks boi (Rob). Well… just how sickening can you get. Neleh wins but only cause when she tips her head up to fend off her gag reflex, she managed to re-swallow the food she had just brought back up… When Rob tried the same thing … he blew chunks right out his freaking nose on national TV. This earned him a rather lowly position feeling like the "let down" boi… (lemmi tell ya right now… I'd have been talk'en to Huey the minute I smelled that crap.
Ok… so the gang is watching Rob and Sarah frolicking in the serf… we hear a chorus "frick and frack" and "Barbie and Ken"… personally, all I can see is Reggie and Betty (Archie comics). These two are like a car crash in slow motion. We're treated to some sound bite video of Rob saying "I have her for a reason… If I have one vote, well… I'll have two." Not sure what he thought he was saying, but the actual translation was "I'm really stuck on those boobs and I have no brain to start with." Hunter calls him on it and Rob has no answer. This boy clearly needs a brain.
Sean and Cepia spend some quality time on the beach while the rest of the Maraamu's play together. What do they do? Well they rag on the white man of course. and I quote "We [black players] don't even have to finish thoughts…" He thinks they have a racial psychic connection. Then he starts slammen on how they, as blacks, have to prove something… while whitey doesn't have this issue… Dooode… he is simply being his own worst enemy. Cepia is either "playing" to ride this slave-train with him or she is going to drag down with his lazy ass… He is so bent out of shape over Hunter being the default leader that he goes so far as to say out loud that he will not do anything… What he needs is a good kick in the ass.
Sarah… Sarah Sarah Sarah… can you dig a deeper hole before you throw yourself in it? She actually seems to be on the ball with some ideas, and being outspoken… but as to playing this game… nothing. Nadda. She's already showing signs of body fat depletion… which of course is adding strange definition to the store bought boobies… "Is no one in agreement with this?" (some idea she has about fixing the shelter - a good idea, mind you) but she sells it very badly and then the clincher "NO? well I'm gonna do this myself then…" Okidoki… yea… this is a good place to go-it-alone. Sheesh.
Seems to me it's all about Gina at this point. Sean is a dick, Cepia is still mostly invisible, and Hunter? Ok… fine… but Gina… she's hot. She looks good and damn if she didn't call out Sarah at every turn.
Again… Gina seems to be surfing the waves here… we'll see how she emerges as a little more time goes by.
It's all in the numbers… Rob, Sean, and Sarah are an easy block. Hunter, Gina and Patricia seem like another good block. So that leaves Cepia. Any body working her besides Sean? Nope…
The Out House (Tribal Council)
The votes split the tribe… Hunter calls Sarah a "distraction"… not lazy or useless… but a distraction… hmm… to what are you referring Hunter… (he's gay… come on…)
Sean got to Cepia and Patricia finds herself on the long walk. But not before Sarah gets to diss Patti hard with a [my paraphrase] "Hey my mom knows enough to not to boss me around… what the hell am I taking it from Pat for?"
~ I dunno what the hell they were showing us, but it looked like someone was cutting off Robert's (Voodoo) toes in the preview for next week… and a moment of joy seeing Sarah and Hunter square off… this will be fun to watch.
~ REMEMBER : the show is on on Wednesday next week… !!!!!
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