Survivor III : Update
To Live and Yawn in LA
Wherein we are treated to some torture for the alpha-males, a trip down memory lane, some eye candy (after all this time), a few surprises, and best of all... we get to see some natives spit on, smear shit on, and rub fat on our "last of the mohicans" clan members... and then they bake it on real-good in a hot hot sun. Everybody lives up to their potential tonight as Survivor Africa Style wraps up...
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in *cough* 110 words or less...
Teresa's mistrust Ol'Tom seed germinates, Lex gets his back up and "worry-ation" sets in. Nana wins the "did you pay attention" challenge and the gang tosses Tom. Lex gets cocky... big surprise huh! They go on the walk of remembering, and go through this Kenyan ritual involving vile stuff being slathered on only to find themselves in a "don't let go of the post" competition for the final immunity... covered in yucki stuff. Nana wins again and tosses Lex. (finally!) The jury casts their votes after they play the "Last chance to be in the spotlight game" and then CBS messes with time - and they give us the ONE. Ethan by a jungle mile.
Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
"I didn't dislike him." (bwaahahahaha - he was talking about Brandon... and yes, it was during the reunion show after S3...
Tom: commenting on Lex getting all puffed up about nothing... (he confronted Tom on the seeds that Teresa had planted) "It's all about paranoia and worryation." (see, when your a goat farmer you're allowed to invent words...)
Lex: on his effort to win the game "I am going to walk away with the prize. It's mine." best considered in the light of his NOT winning... he made the "final three" but that's as far as tatoo boi gets...
Notice it say's "Boran" there... Teresa was the last samboran tribe member... the final four were all Boranesse tribe mates...
Day 37 dawns after a night of the kids getting all bent out of shape over Teresa's Tom issues making everyone crazy... we get an almost never ending string of camera shots showing this "dust devil" (swirling dust thing).. usually foreshadowing an argument with the kids... this time, it's Caption Plot Man... Lex and his "worryation" about Tom's comments three weeks ago... (let it go!). Lex lets his ego lead his behavior (d'uh, big surprise there...) as he confronts Tom about shit. Lex gets all bent out of shape and makes an enemy out of ol'Tom.
Immunity number 1
So, Nana, Tom, Ethan and Lex go directly to tribal council... and the council meeting is used to stage an immunity challenge... this one is the "how well do you remember me" challenge. The Kids had to answer questions about other Tribe members...
Stuff like: what rank was Frank in the Army (staff sergeant)
and who has a tat of a black widow spider and where is it... (Brandon, on his back).
Any ways, long story short... Nana wins her first competition... and for this she gets to wear the big silly necklace (immunity) and the gang immediately goes to vote. Ethan was the wild card and he voted Tom... As he explains - albeit briefly - if he ends up in the final two, he had reservations about being able to win against Tom... hence!! If she hadn't won immunity... Nana Thong would have been toast. Toms number is up and it's his time to go.
The final three trudge back to camp and chill all proud of themselves... however, they are woken up by Jeff the Happy Host in the middle of the night (very early morning actually) to drag their tired asses off to the next challenge...
This one begins with Jeff getting all deep about a sacred ritual to be performed by the elder Samburu Tribesman. Basically this crazed bunch of natives wave some sticks around in the air and smear the gang with animal fat, and spray unknown liquids on them... this is being done at dawn... and personally? the stuff they were rubbing on Kims face looked a lot like dung. It was some kind of "ritual of rebirth". Okidoki.
Just as the sun is starting to warm up... and dry that crap they were smeared with... they arrive at the next challenge. It's the classic "hold this poll and don't let go" deal. Last one touching the "idol" is the winner. More CBS imagery as we get shots of vultures circling. Mop head slips... and boy is he bummed... The Painted Pony (lex) is all complaining about his dehydrated self (had the splats harsh last night....) and he caves... Nana Thong wins the necklace again. Oh, speaking of necklaces... she was gifted with this big honking necklace during the "ritual" that kinda looked like a loose cat-don't-lick-yourself collar... She had to wear this bad-boy during the competition... and still won.
At council, with the Jury there... she (nana) casts the only vote... and fries Lex (finally). Then they (the final two) are given a chance to speak directly to the jury with a "why should you vote for me" deal... they both suck. It's all "Vote your heart" stuff. I was hurting my cheeks yawning through this... can you tell?
Ethan and Kim return to camp for a final day on the Savannah... it's all kinda pathetic as they suck up to each other and we get these camera pan-pans of the camp as the two of them leave the next day... personally, the camp looks like a shit hole. :D
The Jury Speaks
We reassemble at the council for the jury to cast their votes. Well, it starts with the jury members each asking a silly question. Tom makes a serious dig at Kims cooking with his question: "If a hyena eats some of the slop we were eating and then licks it's ass... was it doing that because its in its nature or because it wanted to get the taste of the slop out of it's mouth?" (no, really... he asks this.)
(note: by popular demand... the following section has been edited)
Kimmi cuty-pie asks "who did you learn the most and who did you learn the least from?"... Kim basically gives head to Kim Powers with a bunch of compliments on the "learn the most from part" and then points out to Ol'Tom that he was poop to her...
Brandon asks "if not the other person now, who from the jury would you most like to be up there with? and least like to be up there with? - notably - Ethan says "you" on the "least" side of that... Brandon goes on to vote for Kim to win saying "I changed my mind when Ethan slams me on my own question."
Kelly had her moment getting all guns-a-blazing at Kim for being a "back stabber"... I guess she meant by not coming to her defense when Lex was busy frying her ass out of Africa.
The rest was kinda "yawn" and then the jury votes... we go for a commercial break and when we get back??? it's the exact same scene... except Kim looks a little chunky... and her eyebrows have been plucked? Ethan has had a hair cut.. yup, we're in a studio now and its a live show... with a very goofy Briant Gumble waiting in the wings to host a "reunion show". They (CBS) try to hold the illusion that we're still in Kenya right up until they announce the vote results...
Ethan by a five to two vote.
. . . .
And we're done.
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