Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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back on merciless radio... :D

Got a strange oogy feeling in the pit of my soul today... sounds fun eh.

I have soo much to do today... it's hard to crack the seal and really dive in... but dive I must. The next two months of my life... honestly now... I'm going to turn 40 next month... so "my life" is a big ass bunch of time... The next two months are going to be seriously significant in the big picture...

Work stuff is really moving to the next level for me... leaving one five year plan behind, and starting the next one... the one that will define how I am able to learn and earn for the rest of my working life...

Inside stuff... not "family" personal, not "social" personal, but deep deep inside me stuff... seems to be all fuzzy and messed up... I'm blaming this on turning 40... I've always mentally painted a picture of my life with the number 40 representing the mid point. I've had my "mid life crisis" I think... that was more about recognizing that fun is where you make it... music made a big dif there... lj - not surprisingly - made a significant dif there as well... I've always been a bit of a wing nut... always been into things that my friends didn't understand.

I was reviled by so many people while I was growing up... but I mentally elected to ignore that hard and enjoyed the fact that I had enough great friends to fill my social time... but the things that made others dislike me... those were usually their inability to understand what drove me... they didn't "get" me... so I got the shit beat out of me on several occasions... I have a totally rebuilt face (plastic surg) after one such beating... lol they had to work from a picture to get the details... and the picture was printed reversed... so in the pictures of my life, my nose takes on a slight bend to the left versus the bend to the right that it originally was...

I always managed to be tight with girls... there was always a small group of good guy friends, and always a best friend... but the gang of friends was always girls... then I grew up. yikes... took me 15 years to realize that it was ok to have friends that were girlz as an adult... let alone as a married adult with kids... without looking like a cad. :D

Any ways... my goofy little life is coming to some kind of a cusp... some sort of a turning point... and it seems that no matter what I do, I end up being judged for things I've worked hard to earn the personal comfort in pursuing. (does that make sense?) No, I don't mean you guys... hahaha... the best part of Lj is the lack of judgment.

We'll see...

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