Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Spatula Time

So I'm in line at the return counter in Walmart. I'm minden my own business... it's a long line. The next addition to the line is this lady and her husband. We need to work on the concept of this ladies voice for a second... It's kind'of a "gravelly, prol'y a smoker, older lady voice with a touch of twang" (Without looking at her I figured the voice belonged to a lady thinning hair in a wearing-out perm, tanned scalp, perma dark circles around the eyes - and just for fun, a hairy mole on the tip of her nose. I turned around and, of course, I was wrong... the perm had worn out ages ago.)
Now the idea - as you prol'y already know - with the return line is that if your do'en an exchange your better of getting the 'Walmart Greeter' to tag your bag (get u'r mind out of the gutter) and go get the replacement item before you get in the return line... otherwise they just send you out to get the replacement item and get back in line...
So, everybody in line is treated to the sound of her complaining about the length of the line. "Hey! (her addressing her husband) Go and get another one of these... (whatever they're returning) and hurry back dammit." Then we see his back disappear into the crowd and WE HEAR this lady (loose interpretation of the word "lady") mutter - loud enough for all to hear - "Bastard" (you gotta try to get the 'gravelly - smoker' voice thing going here!). All these people pinch'en their noses to keep from laughing .... that poor phuk'en guy! I wanted to turn to her and say that I wouldn't be surprised to see a newspaper item about "Man Hacks Wife To Pieces With Face Cream Applicator Spatula".
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