Survivor III : Update
Dr. Evil? Meet Saint Fucking Ethan
Wherein Terresa dresses up in a silver single suit, nibbles her baby finger and plots her way to a million dollars. Lovable, affable, mop-headed Ethan causes millions of viewers to projectile vomit at their televisions. Lex is fully possessed by the devil, all the evil hosts of hell and Fred Flintstone's mother in law. The legs-crossed-at-his-upper-thigh Brandon earns the title Rat Bastard and sneaky Kenyan con men rip off goofy goat bearing white folk.
Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Teressa is conflicted but elects to not mention her Lex vote while Lex goes ape shit and blames Kelly. Kelly thinks he's a dick and ends up on Kym and Twinky's team with Frank! Mop-Head goes on to win everything; gets to sell two goats in the village for greese and cookies. Then turns into saint-hacky-sac and has an epiphany-class nirvana moment, oh, and immunity. Even Saints get the splats! Dr.Evil plots all over the place and Kelly cant operate a teeter-totter. And finally, Rat Bastard shows his colours and Kelly is thrown to the Lions - but wait, the Lions elect her queen of the Jury. Revenge will be cold.
(ok, so it's a hundred plus words... bite me!)
Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
Nadda... nothing... Frank said three words tonight... hell Nana Thong-But didn't speak at all until the "after credits" film of the vote casting...
"I'm a little worried..." Oh wait, that was Edmundo from Temptation Island when he starts to realize his date proly saw him messing with the cuties...
back to S3!
Clearly Lex is the star maniac tonight... and possibly for a while... They rolled some great tape of him chatting with Kelly about his witch hunt - confirming in Kellys head that he is one scary painted man. "I'm gonna cut their fucking throat... the lying scheeming bastard." woah... nice.
Life at Moto Maji
Teressa ... holy conflicted! She looks like she's the type to go for guilt management classes after killing a bug... is struggling with the knowledge that Lex is hunting her. But she decides to not say a word "I won't be telling anyone, anytime soon." This turns out to be completely at the expense of Kelly... I'm just say'en... expect amazon style guilt from this woman next week.
Alas... Lex Luthor, the scourge of smallville, I mean Moto Maji, blasted Kelly, the last niggling piece of tail from the savanah... well, theirs still "Discovered Fire" Kim... but she's got that want's to work at the gap thing going on...
Honestly, I will really miss the sound/vid bites the editors would give us of Kelly... she was funny and a straight shooter.
The Rise of The Saint
So it's wondeur-kid time on Survivor. Ethan wins both the Reward Challenge and the Immunity. The reward deal was this teeter-totter launching thing the goobers had to use to launch objects into an overhead basket. Soccor boy nails the process... with wiley Lex coming in a close second. Jeff - continuing his goofy "Survivors Ready - Go!" hand-arm gesture thing watches them all struggle with this one... Kelly? Ethan is at 6 out of 9 items before she gets one up there... to which Jeff comments "Welcome to the game..." (snarky bastard... I thought she was gonna pick her plank up and smack him one.)
The reward was two goats... which they should have slaughtered on the spot for food. However the deal was to take them to town (itty bitty village) and barter. As a last minute head game, Jeff tells Ethan to pick a buddy to take with him. He picks second place boy Lex... and they're off. What do they do? Wander through the village calling out "albatros" ... well, no, but "Anybody wanna buy a goat?" They sell the goats for 1600 shillings (25$) and then blow 1000 shils on two bowls of greese with some potato bits in it... (french fries) and have a beer... no Mountain Dew today. But some cottonelle would have been nice. Ethan gets the serious tummy churning shits while Lex Luthor powers down the greese… Lovely, we get to see the outhouse hole-in-the-ground that Ethan runs to. The get taken to the cleaners by some locals but in the end Ethan manages to score a CASE of cookies to bring back to camp. This segment went on FOREVER… and ends with Ethan connecting with some local kids via his luxury item… a hacky sac. They all play… it's all cute… I wanna puke when he "gives them his hacky sac" and the camera goes all slow-mo on the smiling kids faces… Ethan is all talking about it as if it were a religious experience.
The immunity deal was all about memory. They had to find and arrange these "treasure hunt" items from memory… Ethan nails this too… It was kinda lame. But Jeff got to do the arm gesture thing over and over and over… oh, and one of the items in the treasure hunt was a piece of elephant poop. Lex grabs a ginormous piece for his hunt… Jeff takes one look and comments "Oh Lex!… I guess Size does matter."
Woah! Teressa decides to pull Kim (young kim), Kelly and Frank together… thinking that Brandon was on board. Lex, meanwhile, is just whacked. He's got it in his head that Kelly was his "other" vote so he gets Tom (The Wiz) on side, Nana Thong-But, Ethan and AND… pulls Brandon over. I guess it's not smart for a gay white boy in deep Africa to argue with a crazed tattoo covered snake. He (Rat Bastard Brandon) stays with Lex and Kelli gets burnt to a crisp at the council…
Revenge will be sweet and she knows it… and Jeff reminds everyone right after they nail her. She is the first to sit on the jury… Jeff: "Remember, the person you vote off tonight will be someone you have to convince to vote for you later to win the games." Kelly grins an evil grin on her way out of Dodge…
~ snap-back: when Teressa caves… and she will cave, have no doubt! The gang will snap-back on Lex hard. He's gonna be running scared next week.
~ Watch for camera action on Kim next week… CBS is stupid, sure, but not that stupid….