Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Another Survivor 3 Update!

Survivor III : Update

Song of the Maji (the Moto Maji)

Wherein we learn - for some god forsaken reason - that Teresa is a member of the mile high club, Tom would do her, Franks' not the only total wack job, but he's clearly the biggest banana on the Savannah.

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Brandon back stabs and whines, and Frank never heard of brunch? They merge then self-inflict that bucket of water above the door gag while Jeff tortures 'em. Teresa wins immunity via 6 hours with her arm in the air and remembering that paper covers rock. Moto Maji is the tribe, Mountain Dew is the bribe. Frank is a punk ass loner freak! and Lex is jonesing to be a bigger one. Cherry Popper Clarence is toast!

Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
You know, for a minute there I thought Frank was gonna be normal... woah! big mistake. This guy is such a complete job!!! I am so glad he doesn't work for the US Postal Service.
After the merge: "Imagine getting an invitation in the mail to the Wagner family reunion and my last name is Smith." (suck!!)
Playing with an Elephant: "I'm just swaying back and forth over here, swinging my canteen behind me like a tail... I think I see him looking over with a little acknowledgment." Yea... Acknowledging that you, a skinny, sun dried, chapped, white guy are an elephant... more likely the elephant was wondering why your friends haven't eaten you yet.

Best Quote
Toss up between Clarence and Uncle Tom
Tom (talking about the young guns at samboobo after Lindsey took the long walk) "They're nervous as a whore in church."
Clarence (referring to his body's reaction to having eaten fresh-dead-chicken the night before) "I was thinking about that chicken this morning when my butt blew up." Lovely...

Last gasps of the individual tribe sections…

The "morning after" Lindsey got tossed the Boran crew are having a late breakfast… and they end up having to explain the entire concept of Brunch to Frank… He's never heard of brunch? Way way too much time on top of telephone poll for this guy. Clarence endears himself to the gang with his story of an explosive poop… during Brunch. (blech!)
They all laze about waiting for mail to call 'em to a challenge…

Morning after Lidsey zone is all about watching Brandon be a back stabbing whiner… He's say'en how happy he is that she is gone… on the heels of a screen moment being all misty as she is voted out… then he's all sad in his lil'tent about feeling on the outside as it sinks in that he and Kim are in the minority on their tribe now…
We are treated to some good scenes of Lex messing around with people looking for favour and getting us another moment with Kelly talking to the camera about what a dick he is… she goes so far as to say she wishes she could just vote him off!

The New Deal
…. Moto Maji

The Challenge
So the skinni-stupid people all decide to name their new tribe after the native words for Water and Fire. This, however, does not happen 'till the night after the immunity challenge.

The challenge was for the gang to line up under these water buckets, attach a strap to a raised arm… and stand there… Move? Water bucket flips on ya. Last dry body wins. Note: you only need to twitch to tip yer bucket.
Thong-Nana and Kelly are the first birds off the wire and when they sit down to watch the show they get to talking about strategy. See tonight's victim… the tosseee at the pending council of dump, is the last person voted out that will not be on the jury. The jury will decide between the final two. They don't want Frank on the jury… however their votes later don't reflect this… rather their votes remind us that they are just as much lemmings as the rest of the gang.

Meanwhile, Jeff Probst… Darth Vaders' boss, keeps showing up with distraction-action to get someone to twitch. First it's a cheeseburger… no takers, then a pizza… no takers… then the big gun comes out… A Mountain Dew (of course!) chicken salad and corn on the cob. Again… no takers. He's even teasing them with "So, do you like the way your arms starts to tingle?".

Ultimately it's Teresa and Clarence standing there… 6 hours later… and Clarence is pushing for her to cave and they finally decide to go Rock Paper Scissors. Loser bails on the challenge giving the other immunity. Total moronic move if you ask me… and Cherry Boi's rock falls pray to Miss Monster Teeth's paper.

Life at the camp…
So the gits go back to camp, Teresa all decked out in her goofy looking immunity necklace… and Freaky Franky dives into his role as camp psycho.

Everyone else is busy diving into a wine and cheese party left by the Gods to welcome them to their new tribal home and where's Frank? Why he's skulking around picking up fire wood… Kelly gets it right with a comment about how some people are just not very socially adept "Some people are anti social, but they make drugs to counter act that… and he should be on them!".

More happy times with the kids at camp as they all plot - or agree, whatever - to finally punish Clarence for being the bean stealing Cherry Popper and vote his EXPLODING ass outta there…

Then they (minus his freakiness - who's sitting off somewhere moping about not being a Wagner) start in on a game of "I never…" - kind of a truth or dare thing without the dare part… peeps are coughing up good stuff like Teresa with her show stopper "I had sex in an airplane"…
Scene Cut - Lone camera talking to the Grand Wizard Tom: "If she had one eye on her forehead… I'd still do her." (keeeeeriste gag.. ick, weeeze)
… and Ethan… "I've never been naked in a crowd."… Frank wanders back in and comes out with a real doozy… "I've never broken the trust of a handshake." Great! Like anyone is going to shake your hand now…

On the heels of that Frank-o-matic wanders off and encounters an elephant… Lord love a duck but this was classic… He goes totally Dr. Doolittle on everyone with a big dramatic deal about acting like an elephant. It starts with a camera close up of the elephant taking a dump and ends up with Frank "loping" around wagging his tail (canteen). Personally, I think he was trying to score but … they prol'y wouldn't show that on air. Wait for the big tell all book when the hush-money runs out.

The Council of Dump
Well, this meeting of the clan of the cave bears comes on the heels of a video segment of Lex being a man with Clarence talking all "we decided" and stuff… Clarence should have decked him right there on the spot… just dropped him. (that would have been perfect!!).
The CBS runs us around with the kids in various teasers talking about who each happy camper would like to see go…
Kelly wants Lex out,
Tom wants Twinki (Brandon) outta there (big surprise Tom - Yer neck could NOT be any more red.)
Thong-Nana wants Lex out…
Various peeps want Frank gone…

And then? And then they all vote for Clarence. Well, except Teresa - apparently when paper covers rock it also enjoys it.

Two things…
~ the teaser for next week shows Lexi going a little snakey… he's gonna give Frank a run for the Title.
~ How the Christ do these people all have such peeeeerfect fucking teeth. :D

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