Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 3 Update!


Survivor III : Update

The Mountain Dew Episode

Wherein the butt tic girl gets more shock therapy then Charles Manson, mountain dew expands in tiny tummies, Frank continues to be a dick head, Clarence sharpens a knife and Uncle Jeff gets to be bossy!!!

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Fifteen days into it, Clarence looks hungry and plots dead poultry, every body else plots strategy. Trivia reward is the Dew Baybee! and granny thong ass blows it. Boran rats out Lindseys vote history in sign lingo and the Twink feels vulnerable. Archery is the immunity test and Franks an Archer... couldnt hit a barn but Samboobo still looses. Tie vote, tie-breaker, Lindsey? Get yer tic ass outta here.

Frank's Weekly Moment!
Ok, Frank isn't talking much... but the show is really playing into his hands. He has an Archery hobby. The immunity challenge this week was a flaming arrow deal... so Frank gets to teach his fellow baronians how to shoot... When the challenge gets going... Frank? he misses three for three...

Best Quote
Jeff Probst is just having a blast... we saw him wanting to bitch slap the kids for being lazy fuckers while the older campers worked their collective asses off. Well, he's definitely getting his bitch slapping jollies... During the council of dump, while the Samboobo crew is tying votes between the Wiz (the kids vote as a block against Tom) tic bum (the ex boranians knew that Lindsey already has 4 votes against her so they vote as a block). After the first round of voting Brandon (Twink) leans over to Lindsey with all kinds of tears and she gets up to go... Jeff barks... "Lindsey? Where you go'en?!! Sit it!"

So the Boranees clan are the happy hungry campers... Frank, Nana-Thong (Kim), Teeth (Teresa), MopHead (Ethan), and Cherry Boi (Clarence). A crew for sure. They have the water and the stupid chickens. Clarence is living on the edge... he's a big hungry man and the others all look like they could handle 2 months adrift at sea on a raft.
They go into the reward challenge having no eggs and getting hungry, while Clarence sees only chicken nuggets being pampered by the others. The challenge is a bunch of Kenya based trivia and essentially would have tied except for Nana-thong-ass say'en "I know this one, I know this one..." and getting it wrong. The reward goes to the Samboobo butt heads... and the prize is a well stocked lunch buffet complete with an emblazoned Mountain Dew logo over a bucket of ice and cans of the Dew.
It was fun to see Lindsey all panicked when she realizes that Silas is GONE! (she calls it a shock on camera later… but manages to lie to Jeff saying it's no biggie…)
After agreeing that the idiot chickens have one more night to produce before they hold their own little council of chop to get southern-fried with one of the little cluckers.
An egg shows up and true to Mark Brunnet productions credo, they kill a chicken anyways.

Evil Do'er
When they held the reward challenge, Jeff starts with passing a gourd filled with Mountain Dew around... first up was Cherry boi... I was praying for him to down it! Didn't happen... Essentially the boranians remain one big happy family...

Eye Candy
Eye candy? Folks there is no eye candy... nothing... not a drip.

If the merge doesn't happen next week, then the happy schmappy campers of boran will prol'y a line around Frank, Ethan and nana-thong leaving Teresa and Clarence as possible targets...

The fun never stops here... Tom, Lex and Kelly continue to be amazed at how pathetic the Kim, Lindsey and Brandon crew are... When the kids are not busy having group hugs they're turning on each other... We've seen the Twink trash talking the girls and we see Lindsey talking to Tom about putting Brandon on the block to save her tic-butt... Kim (the girl with a brain) seems to have some moral composition but she's no less a lazy toad than the rest...
There was this deal with Kim noticing that Kelly (ex boran) seemed to be getting hand signals from her old team mates... a letter L and some fingers... now the editing left Kim and Kelly's interpretation of the signals ambiguous but it seems, in hind site, that they got the message loud and clear that Lindsey had 4 votes in the can...
After winning the reward challenge… the kids just feast. Kim ends up being practically carried back to camp from ever expanding Mountain Dew in her shrunken tummy. Lindsey - oh so helpfully - suggests… why don't you just throw up a little…
So the immunity challenge was fun... the kids got a bow and arrow set to play with ... er, practice with, for a day prior to the challenge. Frank (now Boraneese) apparently has archery skills and makes a big show of training the gang at Boran to shoot... CBS gives us nothing... not a single moment of the Samboobo kids practicing shooting… When the challenge went down, it was a real treat to watch Frank strike out at all three chances at bat with the bow. Better, however, was watching Brandon cock his flaming arrow and release: result? Total twang shot, arrow actually lands behind him and he *cough * gracefully dances out of the way… bwaahahaha… sorry sorry… ahhaha. The test was to set fire to these African Masks mounted at 30 - 70 feet away… Not too hard considering that if your arrow even bangs into the mask a pyrotechnic explosion pretty well ensures that it's going up in smoke. The Samboobo's fail to compete with Franks students and in the end the Samboobos are off to the council of dump.
At council we are lead to believe that Brandon's wick is about to be snuffed but noooo… it's a 3 / 3 vote tie between Tom and Lindsey… which puts Brandon in tears btw. So before the revote is even called Lindsey gets up to leave giving Jeff his chance to boss her around… I'll bet they (CBS) just think she's a twit. Any ways, the revote is predictable and it comes down to vote history… hence.. tic butt girl is toast.

Evil Do'er
Lindsey remains the one that Mark Brunnet and clan edit up as the evil idiot... Her Brittany Spears squeak is just about done...

Eye Candy
Again, let me say what eye candy??? When they let Jessie get sick and tossed for that they (CBS) lost the only real eye candy at play in Kenya.

So, the kids are living life in the backdraft. It's now Brandon and Kim against Tom, Lex and Kelly. Kelly continues to get edited as a nice girl.

Two things…
~ they better do something next week to pick things up … this was kinda predictable and boring tonight…
~ I really like Lex and Kelli… they'd make a good final two…
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