Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 3 Update !

Survivor III : Update

Got a plan? Chuck it... My name is Jeff and you now Hate me!

Wherein The Samburu and Boran tribes essentially become the Boruru and Samban fry pans... On the menu? The testosterone petri dish and the rubber duck squeak toy; Silas and Lindsey...

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Gimmi three. Silas, Funk and Terresa trade places with Tattoo, the Wiz and Killa-Kelli. Watch a spring-boc take a shit and get a look at the Samburu crap-camp. Poor ex-pat Borans! and unimaginably lucky Frank! Herd goats for Live Chickens, pick a tic off Lindsey's' ass-cheek and watch Silas crumble into pop-rocks. Immunity is a puzzle game and the girl team has the spatial perception thing going on. Silas you are sooo outta here.

Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
His sphincter little wordless lips say almost nothing for fear of bursting out in laughter ... sorry, no good quote. :D

Best Quote
So many good ones tonight;
~ Tom (the Grand Wizard) on his new tribe: "We gotta queer and two girls as tight as a...."
~ Kelli (Killa-Kelli) on her new tribe: "The Red is a Red Herring, there is no Red."
~ the Wiz on Tic-Picken (hunched over Lindsey's bare ass cheek): "This is the nicest job I've had in days... a refreshing reward." Not sure if he meant the fun of pouring torturing her young ass with scalding hot water or simply enjoyed being three inches from her ass cheek.
~ the Twink (Tinkerbell… I mean Brandon) on the whiney-ass-good-for-nadda girls on his New and Improved Slam-boobies tribe; "It's such a great thing I'm gay… I just could not put with a cry'en woman after this!"


Well the new and improved Boran might as well change their name to American Gladiators… Frank and Silas-the-testosterone-junky show up with "gonna explode any second" Terresa replacing Tom, Lex and Kelli. They have the barrel of water to work from and a descent shelter… um, and a weeks worth of fire wood. Frank watches as the gang sits around the fire and talks to Terresa about what a bunch of dick heads the young-guns were being back at camp Sambubu… meanwhile Silas is doing his impersonation of the green witchi-poo from the Wizard Of Oz and melting away…

These guys, Teressa and granny Thong-ass kick serious Sambubu-butt in a competition to herd 20 goats from here to there… basically a Dr. Seuss book come to life. I mean, ya got Clarence-Clearwater-Cherri-Steal'er and Silas marching along frigg'en carrying two goats apiece … while the "girls team" tries to herd the bunch… The native goat herders watching the contest were just killing themselves laughing… They won no contest and for their trouble they get two live chickens in a coop and a cock! Yup… Jeff gave the boiz team a cock. Ok ok.. it's a rooster… I say Frank falls in love with a fellow early riser and Clarence bites it's head off on the third cockadoodle morning. Probst goes so far as to ponder out loud "You can eat well tomorrow or get fresh eggs every morning until the merge." Notable for other reasons. We'll get to that.

Evil Do'er
"Lets go for fire wood…" basically the last words anybody hears from Silas… his repeated refrain leading to time with Ethan trying to finagle a spot in the future of African White Folk Torture. It was just pathetic watching him dig himself a grave (by talking as if he was still in his alliance with the girls back at Sambubu) and then dive in (begging for Ethan to vote off his new buddy Frank). Silas is evil…

Eye Candy
Well lets see the New and Improved Boring… Boran tribe has granny-thong-ass Kim and androgynous-toothy-kinda-scary Terresa… nope, no candy there… but wait… theres chiseled and yummi Silas… but oops, the canned his sorry ass… Well there's always Ethan… 'course his head looks like an "Atlantic Bee Mop" so maybe Frank? Do you like the bad guys in X-Files Episodes? No, me either. So that leaves Clarence. Ok, so I guess you're gonna have to really dig the whole "Black is Beautiful" thing or the candy store is officially empty.

One big happy schmappy family.


Wow… it just doesn't get any better than this… Everywhere you look at this group there is fodder for a phreak'en diss extravaganza. Lets see, Lex and all his tattoos, Tom "the grand Wizard" and Kelly the most likeable person on all of Survivor 3 show up and the kids are just devastated. Lindsey starts to really squeak extra annoyingly and "Fire-Starter" Kim gets all whiney. Brandon? Well he hits the nail on the head a few times in a row with his complaints of their behaviour and seems to dig the idea that it's a new game and he needs a new alliance.

This is so sad… Old, slow and whale like Tom and wirey-Lex are on the girlz team. Kelly, Kim, Lindsey, Brandon-ette form the XY chromosome component. The total muscle mass on this whole team about equals the droppings of three east-african goats.

Kelly is way pissed at the raw deal… she comments at length about how there really is no Red team… just a bunch of slackers. She's right, of course. When the ex-pat Borans arrive they find a camp with no shelter, no wood, busted water boiling pots and a mount of ash indicative of an unmanaged firepit.

Lindsey gets bit by a tic… here's the deal; a tic bores a hole into you and stuffs it's head in the hole and gnaws away at ya. Now the tic is in the middle of her right butt cheek. Bwaaahahaha.. she needs help and of course, Lex and Tom are right there to help. Tom is ear-to-ear lips with a grin while he pours scalding hot water over her ass cheek.. Get the visual. She's bent over at 90 degrees and her shorts are pulled into her ass crack. Tom, the old fart, is in ass-loven, chick torturing heaven. And she's just a'screaming. Hahaha…

The girls team (Sambubu) easily wins the Immunity challenge.. putting together this oversized puzzle. The Borans said something about wanting to through the comp just to be rid of Silas but they looked like they were trying… well, Silas sure looked like he was trying… hahaha… But, bottom line, this was a spatial comprehension / pattern-colour matching challenge and the girls team just had that in spades… A life time of matching bra's and panties pays off… (grin) The "we just won something" dance included Lindsey jumping onto Tom, legs spread and wrapped around him. I'm just say'en…

Evil Do'er
Lindsey is officially in the dog house. Her squeaky little whiney voice is going to sink her. No question. Well she could blow Tom a few times and she might get his support… we'll see. (ok, that was nasty… LOL)

Eye Candy
Fill yer boots. Kim (cute), Lindsey (cuter), Kelly (cutest), Brandon (scruffy but if yer on his team… cute), Lex (freak), Tom (don't even go there feather butt boi) The whole gang has something to offer. Hahaha… Kelly's gonna win, kelly's gonna win, kelly's gonna win…

The kids were nicely pissed that Silas was such a player for the Boran tribe (like what was he supposed to do?) and they will be pleased to hear of his ouster… otherwise? It's the gang against Lindsey I think.

Two Things…
~ Jeff the crazed socio-path tells the Sambubu tribe, after they nail Silas to the African Cross (he was the weakest link), that they have made many assumptions thus far and "not the least of which is that there is a merge in three days…" Seeming to indicate that there may not be a merge as we expect. Interesting.
~ you gotta watch for the imagery that the scene editors set up … tonight's example was actual footage of a springbok taking a dump just as the camera was switching to Camp Sambubu looking like… well, crap.
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