Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
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Suvivor 3 Update!

Survivor III : Update

The Vulger Episode Review!

Wherein ...I swear a lot. Old people get crusty and young people act their age and Everybody gets to play Lego Creator... Africa Style.

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Wicked angry Lindsey diss'en... the kids are work'en it, hell hey got it. Linda, who does not get it, begs for a hug and Frank puts another notch in his lipstick case. The Wiz (Tom) has no grit… and Clarence calls an ass an ass… Boran Kim is what? 185 years old? At least she can play Lego. Samburu gets food toys and Boran gets immunity. Africa Earth Goddess Disciple? (Linda) You are the weakest link.

Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
Well seeing as he practically didn't get a word out this week, I got nothing here… 'cept "It's not over yet." Funny that… 'cause from where I'm sitting it is over for him. The kids need to knock him down before the merge. He is looking like a street person and is essentially watching the kids dig their own hole… please let him be next off that team. He's just useless like a bug bite during the competitions.

Best Quote
hahaha... the best!!! Clarence... after the reward challenge, um, after loosing the reward challenge, the Boran crew is way bummed - for good reason btw - and Clarence the cherry popping bean boy comments "Sometimes in competition it's not about doing the game best, it's about winning." OK... quick reminder, Clarence is the High School basketball coach. Oh yea.

Lost the reward challenge mostly because Kim was using a geriatric walker to cross the mesh rope platform… Look'ed to me like she just friggin gave up. The challenge was to run across the mesh thing and pluck an item from a display and bring it back to base… both teams run at this… and they were neck and neck until it took Kim FOR EVER to complete her run. They (Boran) got the water last week but missed out on all kinds of food yummies this week.
There was this great scene with The Wiz and Cherry Popper walking through the jungle and Tom (Wiz) decides he wants a coconut from the top of this 50 ft tree… so … he… starts… climbing… the tree… bwaaahahahaaa… coffee is practically streaming out my nose from laughing as Clarence yells up to Tom "You think you're taking that sorry country ass up a fifty foot tree??? Come down here…" Tom eventually gives up. They ultimately knock a coconut down … and hack into it … to find??? That they are not in the Caribbean after all… it's some disgusting piece of jungle fruit… yuck.
After the Boran crew cleans up in the Immunity challenge, they decide that they haven't worked hard enough so they climb a mountain. I can just see the cameramen egg'en 'em on with candy bars… "come on Tom… you can do it… just a few more feet." Great (no really GREAT!) camera shot from the top of the little rock pile they were perched like bait for some big-ass bird of prey…
Winning the Immunity challenge: there's this mini "camp" a hut, a roof on the "hut" a fence and some trinkets. The challenge is to take the camp apart and move it UP this hill to a designated spot and when all the parts are up the hill, rebuild the camp exactly like it was before… Basically, if you've ever played the Lego kids came called "Lego Creator" it's that game but, um… life sized and played by a bunch of people in need of a shower. Frank (Samburu) barks out orders to the kids - foolish man - and screws up the order in which things got done… leaving the Boran gang to win this one with style. (luckily for Kim… clearly very lucky for Kim).

Evil Do'er
Over to you Wiz. Tom can't eat grits. He's lay'en on the ground looking like a big beached whale and complaining about the food. Look, a wall… with writing on it… He's going waste away…

Eye Candy
Kelly … is a scream. She gets good camera time and is usually funny so… of course, I'm liking her. Make me laugh… win my heart.

Alliance? What alliance? They all agree… Kim is the weak one on the team but otherwise… they are a team.

Holy crap are these guys a big assed bunch of honk'en losers or what? Sure they won the reward challenge… but they can't even keep a cup of water at camp let alone cook something.

Lindsey goes to town with hard diss'en the older gang the night they get back from tossing dental-dam Carl to the lions and she's just making friends a mile a minute… not! The Kids sleep in the next morning so Linda the African Earth Mother fearing freak-on-a-leash gets all fuck'en snarky waking them up with the call to a reward challenge… "Wake up, we have a reward challenge in 30 minutes." And she's (Linda) just loving it. Then? The killer… Silas, totally upper middle class football girlfriend beating lettered-sweater wearing dick that he is assumes the cliché down-on-one-knee football coach deal and calls the gang together to go for a "I'm in charge now" pep talk. Linda - the girl that's been going on and on about the African Spirits for the last 10 days - calls this cheesy. He looked like a dick but I'm not really down with the pot calling the kettle a fish-tank or whatever. Dude… Silas, gives it his best shot. Frank, meanwhile is just watching and waiting for the kids to implode… carving his kids names into his torch standard (he looks a little maniacal actually).

Linda looses it. Bottom line. Team (and I use the term loosely) Samburu comes back from winning the reward challenge and they get into it about who's being nice to who… and Linda gets all wacky about telling Lindsey to hug her sorry spirit fearing ass. Why Lindsey didn't tell her to shut the fuck up and take a hike I cannot figure… unless that bit is on the cutting room floor. Lindsey opts to cry instead… after letting crazy spirit girl do a one sided hug. (very very pathetic)

Evil Do'er
Obviously the Africa Earth Spirits are the evil one's tonight. They have invaded Frank and he's basically morphed into Jack Nicholson reprising his Jack Torrance role from The Shining. Chipping away with his knife at whatever is in his hands… good thing he's not holding Silas.

Eye Candy
Kim… the girl that discovered Fire … she hit the nail on the head… "when are we gonna get this together?" She's emerging as the only sentient being on the team and is right up there with Kelly from the other team. Lindsey is looking tired but they (CBS) still manage to get her with a beam on in a bikini top at least twice per episode (every week… watch for it…)

bwaaahahaha… Teresa and Frank are basically fodder for the kids to play with. When the merge comes along the Four Pony's of the Apocalypse will meat a stronger foe and be totally fucked. Kim will jump ship first. Brandon - twink central - will stand around blinking into the sun and wondering what's going on while the rest of the alliance crumbles. He will go… he will go.

Two things
~ the teaser for next week was all about something major going down in the first 15 minutes… I'm hoping that either Brandon gets eaten by a lion or an Alien pops out of The Wiz's tummy.
~ the camera's have not played on any alliance action on team Boran lately so I'm expecting them to be all over Boran next week.

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