Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 3 Update!

Survivor III : Update

The Idol Goddess is PISSED!

Wherein ... and I'm not kidding here, but a goofy old man shoves a feather in his ass and kindly older woman struts the Savannah in a thong. This was the best show yet... nothing but fun and lion food.

Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Ring that bell, Lions are stalking Boran. Linda's got African spirits stalking Samburu, the old'sters have pissing off the kids hard, spirits or no. Rolling a big-assed ball the Boran crew finally wins something - a really big drink, while Samburu realizes Frank's a useless turd. Both teams make a distress sign for a fly-by and Samburu continues to suck... Boran wins the day, and the idol. Carl, Doctor Porcha, gets bitten by a tic... he's toast.

Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
Lindsey, the young-gun on team Samburu with enough kahoona's to build an alliance not based on being old and nasty, overdoes it and gets dehydrated while working on the immunity challenge... she passes out and is sick for a bit. Frank? "Barbi went down in Africa." K, so as he said that, I kinda thought it sounded like wishful thinking on his part... 'course we have a new name for Lindsey now…

Best Quote
"The idol goddess will not live in a house of conflict, and that is why she left." Lynda is a total wack job... folks I'm not kidding here... her African folk lore gig is going to wear thin so fast... She says this after team Samburu fails to use anything colourfull to make a distress signal and looses the immunity challenge. So they lose the "immunity idol".

Finally! The show belonged to Boran tonight… they won the reward challenge… and it was a nice wet one. But lets get back to the start… The show opened with the kids worry'en about some lions circling the camp. Frank is saying "What do you do if it comes in? What do you do if starts scraping at the fence?" Well, gee Frank lets see… do you think horribly mauling and consuming one of the nice white folk is in the cards? I'm thinking the sound of thunder would come across quite nicely as the Rangers filled the lions with lead. And Lex was all "a cold chill cam over my body…" That's the wind pal. So they beef up the fence…

This is the older Kim, tattoo, grand wizard, cherry munching and mop head crew… a remarkably unlikely bunch. And they have lost everything they've been up against so far… They were the stars of the reward challenge… a contest based on rolling this big giant fake boulder through a course to win a 100 gallon drum of water delivered to their camp… oh, and some shampoo. They were all over it.

Eye Candy
The immunity contest was straight out of Survivor 1… build a distress signal that can be seen from a passing plane that is better than the other teams signal and yer in. It's all about eye candy baybee… Kim (57 year old gal) brought acrylic paints as a luxury item … mix that with some cruddy water and the mosquito netting and they had a total winner for the fly by…
Satisfied? Nope… they get Clarence - big, black, shiny and beautiful - in a pair of white underwear (that's all), and Kim in a black sport bra and thong set… jiggl'en those white butt cheeks… but best of all? And for sure the reason the plane dropped the idol on them (not!) was Tom - the grand wizard himself - making his family proud pancing around with his shorts pulled down to the point where the camera was blurring the image of his ass with a feather shoved in the crack!!! No really… hahaha… oh lord. Lil' Kelly looked good in her black bathing suit… but they won for the colours… just like the kids on Survivor 1.

Well this team is still fairly together… Lex and Tom and Kim are still hoping to form a power base but footage of that was decidedly less fun than the fun going down over at camp hate-cha… I mean Samburu. Besides, they have a gallon of water each per day!!! Loads.

Hahaha.. .oh spit out yer gum and laugh at these guys. It's just getting nasty in party town. The young guns just frick'en have a hate on for the older ones… Frank was falling all over the place trying to roll that ball around and the whole gang was out to lunch over making a big SOS for the fly-by immunity thing.
Evil Do'er
I'm voting for Silas as an evil cat for the show… he was wonderfully cold-like-gun-metal about being nasty to the oldsters… They - the older team; Frank, Carl and Linda, were definitely unsuccessful in gaining his support. The whole gang spent some quality time asking Carl about all his money… His porcha, his mercedes… he's a successful dentist… he has moola! This went over like a lead balloon for him with the four junior juices.
Linda, the nut job bringing the spirits of Africa into all their conversations… is on the older folks team… for no good reason what-so-ever!!! Frank is basically (as he explains) all about food, shelter and water and nothing else… great. Well the kids will have a blast with you.

Lord of the Flys
Lindsy - oops, I mean Barbi, and Kim kinda blew off Linda when she happened past the site of Barbi's unfortunate encounter with dehydration… Barbi passes out after working like a banshee on the immunity challenge. The team of oldsters unwaveringly voted against her for her weakness… but they (dumkoffs!) are still mistakenly judging strength as a physical measurement. In the game it's all about plot… and Lindsey has game.

So Frank, Carl, Teresa (enough teeth for an entire grade 2 classroom) and Linda were lock. Kim, Brandon, Silas and "Barbi" are also lock. Barbi breaks her bead necklace and instead of fixing it, or doing chores, she makes three more little one-bead necklaces and the kids-crew all wear'em.

Brandon goes so far as to feed his alliance mates extra breakfast and burn the oldsters food at one point… hahaha…

So they loose the immunity challenge and have to go to the council of crush for the first time… They vote as two complete blocks… 4 against Carl and 4 against "Barbi". So the two candidates for crush'en are excused and they vote again… 3 to 3… so it's sudden death at the council meeting… and they break out a trivia game of questions from the Survivor handbook… I was sure Lindsey was toast at that point. But a question about how to disengage a tic from biting you bit the good doctor and, well… the kids are going to have floss their own teeth for a while. And now? It's 4 to 3 against the oldsters… toast, toast, toast… har har har… (feeling like a pirate over here…)

Two things…
~ The kids on Samburu are gonna rawk and roll through the rest of this… and I'm betting that Linda tries to be a cross over gal. But when the merge comes… it'll be a gas to watch 'em turn on each other.
~ no question… Clarence (the bean stealing, double dipping cherry eater) is one lucky duck. It looks like he's cleared the fence.

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