Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Survivor 3 Update!


Survivor III : Update


Clot Day on the Savannah!




Wherein ...
... the producers of this show earn the title the "Oil Of Olay Torture Team" cause they sure keep us guessing right up to the last moment. The gang, well the two gangs... the Bloods and the Griffs... (hahahaha) are really loading up on new and improved ways to suffer. It's all about punishment and age. Take note… some of this will be freakishly gross…



Epi Quick Hit : The Show in 75 words or less...
Whine about water and walking... tormenting the Cherry-Boi, but thankful they didn't fry him when the challenge was serious physical... Samburu wins "stuff", Boran see's that elderly Kim really is a weak old bird. Jessy is sick and dumb (oh no!). Alliance land in full swing... old v. young, boys v. girls, strong v. weak. Paranoia lives! Frank is a wack job! Jeff Probst is a sadist. Blood everywhere... Reward blood chuggers, punish the sick. Jessie is toast.

Frank's I-Am-A-Freak Quote of the week!
"Lynda's so concrete she's buried in the bottom of the Hoover dam." (wtf?)

Best Quote
Kelly, on the dawn of the default sick-things-to-eat immunity challenge, is up for it... "the disgusting food challenge; beef brain, goat testicles... whatever! Sounds good... Breakfast!" This clearly falls into the category of things you just could never imagine yourself actually saying in life.

Boran
Man these guys are suffering. Cherry-Boi… Clarence, is in this group. It's all over for this guy… I mean in the life department. He will forever be the guy that double dipped the cherries and did the beans. He might as well become a porn star.
This tribe has major survival issues… they lost the first Loot challenge and missed out on getting their hands on blankies and other goodies… They're tired, hungry and generally displeased with each other… losers.

Eye Candy
We get to see Jessie… curvy deputy… missing the socialization boat huge and getting weak from lack of water… She was hurting, and the tribe punished her as the weakest link when they ended up at the council of crush - again. She (jess) was really looking like a strong personality… Cherry boi came a'calling looking for support - versus being nailed to a burning cross - and she called him on it. She called him on it hard and with style.
Sorry but the tribe is all out of candy…

Aliance
The tossing of Jessy leaves Kelly and Kim versus the boiz… lucky girlz. Tom, the grand wiz is seriously in cohoots with Lex (tattoo boi) and trying to keep Ethan on board. He (the wiz), is trying to be a ring master and - pathetically - is making the grade… yuck. The thing is, the challenges are only physical for so long… the agility and "bendy" stuff will surely come and the big guys will fry hard for that.

Samburu
So these guys are on top. They won the reward challenge by a pubic hair but, in the end, it only takes one pubic hair to sink ya… "honey? What's this?" The challenge was all about carrying these huge logs (various lengths) through an obstacle course and standing them in prefab holes making a sort-a ladder that one tribe member climbs to ring-the-bell so to speak… it was close but Kim (Boran Kim) falls at the last moment and Boran has to wait for her… loosing the challenge. The rewards were significant from a survival point of view.

Eye Candy
Lets just pass on the whole who's looking good part of eye candy for a sec and talk about the immunity challenge… OMG this is totally sick. The Dom *(Mistress Jeff - the dominatrix of S3) ushers in some really Africa'd out native dudes, looking for all the world like they just stepped away from the big boiling pot used for cook'en up the white folk and introduced the boss man as "Charles"… ok….
Charles and crew sustain themselves on cows' blood and milk - or so it was explained. They have this process they go through where the buds hold lil'skinny miss cow tight and nail her in the throat with an arrow shot from like three feet away to puncture an artery. Now this artery just starts a spewing blood… which they dutifully collect in a big ol'gourd. Getting the picture yet?
K, so The Dom mixes said artery extract with a jar of milk and invites the crew to have a lil'drinky - 2 oz shot glasses. This backfired on The Dom cause everybody was so frigging hungry that they'd have eaten … well,… goats testicles. Everybody drinks. Kelly (breakfast testicle girl) and Linda (black Africa chip on shoulder girl) face off for the sudden death drinking a big-assed beaker of straight blood. Kelly just could not chug it fast enough and once again Boran looses the challenge by a hair. Shudderingly gross - btw - to see each player in this challenge demonstrate and empty mouth following the drink…

Alliance
K so with all the comforts that early acquisition of fire and winning the reward challenge brought to them… Samburu is living the life of Reilly and what happens when you get comfy? Why you turn into Satan's minions of course. Frank is one totally whacked out psycho and now that he has Dentist Carl on his team - um… Joseph Mengela is coming to mind… These two are trying to get Silas (strong) to commit to joining them… saying they already have Linda. Well, Silas is the big loser because he's supposed to be in with the young team (Twinky Brandon, Lucky Lindsey and Fire Starter Kim)… So now he has both groups thinking he's faking them out. He seriously needs to put it all on the table over a meal when everyone is watching. Phuque'en eh… I'd be all about calling the alliances out in front of them and saying what's what.
It gets bad when idiot boi Frank is overheard talking Old/Strong alliance versus Young Guns by Lindsey… so she starts calling Silas on it.

While we get to watch Boran crumble in pain and suffering we will get some good entertainment out of Samburu going for the jugular… :D

Two Things…
~ the preview for next week includes something about Lindsey hurting herself… That would suck… I so seriously want the young guns to kick Frank out.
~ The next challenges have simply got to be less about physical strength… don't ya think?
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