Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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this is hard... in so many ways...

So I saved somebody's ass today... but all I did was move the barrel of the gun over to another head... that head will pop off it's shoulders in about 2 hours...

I'm feeling large and powerful and resourceful...
for saving this guy and my team will prol'y never know what happened... or how hard it was to pull this off...

So I find out more about the problem client zone... and somebody is asking me to quietly sit down and slide the barrel of gun past my lips, press it against the roof of my mouth and wait for an undeserving manager to calmly sit down and haul that trigger back.... my head? is safe... gainfully and successfully employed... no worries...

I'm feeling small and angry and helpless...
as I find out that I am going to wear a bag of shit thrown at our company because some managers screwed up a financial negotiation after begging .... begging me to take over a fucked up project and rescue it. And I did... I took the solid approach that the client can focus their anger and energy on me letting the team get the work done without suffering the indignity of that clients stupidity. For this I expected to be backed up by my employer... and they are hangin me out to dry... bastards.

So I look around and see things that make me regret my anger. People do what they do for reasons often misunderstood and typically born and raised with emotion. For this we should feel patience and offer kindness.

I'm feeling sad and tearful and torn...
maybe it's just a hard day.
maybe my life is just too filled with painful decisions.
somewhere, in all of us, there is a place... a spot that makes it possible for us to be kind... to be patient and concerned... to embrace the remarkable ability to love... I know where my spot is. Do you?

I'm a wreck today. (and just say'en that is hard too... )

So have I told you I love you lately?

peace yo!

edit: yes the love thing is a html trick... but "it speaks for me in it's trickery" (that's supposed to ryhme)
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