Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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BB Update:
Who's in a shitty phuking mood today? Well, for a change, me! Man, I've been on cloud nine for soo long, this feels like some kind of withdrawal issue... Screeeech... as I try to drag that monkey off my back. I'm going to try a BB Update here as a possible means of exorcising these demons... dissing others is such a nice way to relieve your own stress. As Calvin said "nuthen helps a bad mood like pass'en it on." (Calvin & Hobbes).

Its easy to see that being a pain in the ass is not the correct way to get booted off Big Bro. Elmer Fudd, between anthropological digs in the back yard looking for non-existent cash (dig dig dig), must call out the noise (I'd say 'word' but ...) 'Bawk Bawk Bawk' enuf times per hour to run anybodies blood pressure up to a 15 large-starbucks level each and every hour of the day.
The self proclaimed 'chicken man' is essentially the most annoying person on earth. Bawk bawk bawk "does anybody remember anything I said this morning so I can just start saying it again - and again - and again? The magic of miss information has resulted in the HWs (half wits - used to be HGs - house guests) thinking Elmers boss, oops I mean wife, oops I mean "The Sith Lordette" is the greatest thing since the flush toilette. "It must be nice to have such a caring wife..." They still have not glommed onto the idea that they're on a game show. Hell, they even discussed whether or not 'all' the cameras are 'internet cameras' the other day... I think that they actually think only a select few cameras are live feeds to the internet.
This morning presented us with a priceless moment: Jamie - TFMW (the former Miss Washinton) did her usual sun tan ritual. Reminding yours truly of the finesse with which many a woman can remove any article of 'inner' clothing at any given moment without actually removing any outter wear - you know the deal... the bra-out-through-the-arm-pit thingy. Well Lipgloss emerges from the the can with her 'big' white shirt on ... the one she wears to cover up the little white bikini, and heads out to the pool. Here she spreads out her towel and lies down on her back, gets comfy, then THEN takes off the shirt. She once quoted to Bratteny that the trick to wearing a bikini in public was to simply not move EVER therefore ensuring that nothing jiggles(?) - and her point is what? So anyways, this all happens with the appropriate amount of attention being paid by the Josh, Curtis, and Eddi team (I would think 'dream team' would work here, but in a previously unrelated way). Best of all is the action of the cameras. George could be plunging a butter knife into the dog, Josh stripping naked to the tune of "The Freaks that Funk" while Cassandra shaved her head in the living room and nobody would be the wiser... all electronic eyes are on Lipgloss in the misguided hope that her well practiced process of never revealing a jiggle will for once break down.... We could hear the other HWs cracking jokes as the whirr and buzz of the various Cams desperately tried to beat the angles and get a full-on shot of Lipgloss. The feed was switching between side and front views as a camera man (and I'm pretty confident of the gender hit there) switched back and forth trying for the money shot.
Does anybody in the real world actually get up in the middle of the night to have a beer? Josh does. I mean I can understand Eddi getting up for a 3:00am for a bowl of Rice Krispies (I luv that commercial... "what the heck 'dya think they were made of?") but to wake up, go have a beer and then go back to bed - ahhh the life of a male underwear model.
Curtis has managed to nab some serious "15 minute" related spotlight with the Emmy deal. I have to say I was excited to be watch'en 'live' on the internet feed when he came back ... the others were totally enthralled. Well, maybe not all...
Lets see:
Tux boy is back from a night at the Opera (ok it was only the Emmys) and he is full of tales to tell. So, Lipgloss sits stone solid plastic smile (hiding hitherto unrecorded depths of jealousy) while the story of 'interview after interview unravels - is "Melissa Rivers pregnant?.. yes, ok so that was her." and the bit about the 'gauntleted of photog's brought out a lovely shade of red all over lipgloss.
Then there was Eddi, who managed to hide is rapture by yawning repeatedly and then going to bed half way thru...
But Mr. I-had-a-secret-until-I-told-everyone Josh, Cass and Elmer were deeply into vicariously living the Emmy deal.
Anyways, that's it for now.
(ps. it worked!! I feel great again.)
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