Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XIX Update!!!

Survivor XIX: S’Moa

The Descent of Laura

Where in... Nathalie learns to bludgeon, and Russell pulls the biggest most wicked’est horse-shoe directly out of his angry little bad Buddha sphincter. And when I say horse-shoe, I mean to say enormous, sized on an intergalactic scale, horse-shoe.

Survivor 19... in 374 words...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Laying down a firm platform from which to launch the rest of the story about what happens after Erik is zapped with an idol in his pocket, and Bad Buddha Russell blows his idol wad in a fit of panic, we get to watch little bikini clad Nathalie bring the swift hand of a vengeful god down upon the insignificant life of some random rat... which is then skinned, skewered, bb-q’ed and consumed. Holy metaphor batman!! Her drawl’en "I killed something y’all" was a tad bit endearing but you lose that when the skewer comes out. Next? Reward and Jeff has ‘em in two random teams of five with Nat on the sidelines as a fluffer. In a game that seemed like an unfulfilled producers promise from the "two tribe" phase of the game, Team Purple wins this natural water-slide mini-day-vacay-with-food thing – that includes another clue to an idol - after another "run and carry, untie and solve" puzzle game that climaxed with blindfolds and a brail’ish combo-lock. Meanwhile, Buddha is back at camp with the other game-losers (including the fluffer that fluffed for the wrong side). And what is Buddha doing at camp? He’s on a mission and damn double damn if he doesn’t go and find his stumpy little self another freaking immunity idol. (loud round of "bwaahahaha" please). He tells his new fan club – Shambo – about it and she is right flipp’en happy, ‘cuz the plan is to nail Laura. He also tells the Foa’Foa remnants... and the plan is established to let everyone vote for Russell and let a few Laura votes fry her as he plays the idol. So – of course – we come to the immunity game, which was a two stage affair landing Shambo against Laura (and other meaningless participants). Laura – again, of course – comes from behind to solve this shape problem in a serious little frick’en rain-man moment. So the plan shifts over to Kelly. The blond you kept saying "who the hell is she?" about when the camera randomly panned across the Galu Girl Club. The plan worked phenomenally well and there was much hooting with pleasure in my living room. Kelly goes, and Mr. Bad Buddha’s stock just keeps going up in the likeability index. :D

Most Memorable Moment
Oh... had to be looks exchanged between Dave and Laura when Kelly was done-in ... with a quick roll back in time to Monica suggesting they plan to account for just such a sequence of events as had just taken place while Dave lays it back with "We don’t need to worry about all that..." bwahahahahaha

The winner...
Well it sure should be Buddha... just on "points for actually playing the game" level. But it could be anybody at this stage. Bad things can still happen to good people and there’s always Jeff’s more sadistic nature to worry about...

The Pitt
(aka "Tribal Council")
So what can I say... this went as smooth as silk. The Galu Girl Tribe tag team of bright teeth, perky tops and zero body fat were rather pleased with themselves after collectively pooping on Erik. When this all goes down... the camera and boom microphone remind us that Laura is wwwway over on the dark side of the Looney Tunes thing. She rasps under her spawn of satan breath, to her closest minions "He’s just unleashed a storm of trouble"... and all I can think about is mockingly suggesting that "he was super out of line for not rolling over and dying for you. Oh by the way, do you melt when splashed with water?"

Two Things...
~ "As soon as we take out Foa Foa... we kill a chicken." Hahaha!!!!
~ Monica was sure it was going to be her. They should recruit her.

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