Survivor XIX: S’Moa
The Ballad of the Bad Buddha
Where in... we are immediately subjected to scary Bad Buddha boy and some black chick doing the poopy pants walk. Clearly the fun is not going to stop in S’moa! We get one guy almost dying (for reals) and Bad Buddha decides to a) pull a giant horse shoe out of his ass and b) kill some chick...
(Link Note): I link the Survivor updates back to my journal so any comments folks make appear in one journal. :D
Survivor 19... in 530 words...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
It’s all about Camp Little Bunny Foa Foa, Russell and his determination to be the nastiest douche to ever fight girls in his fruit-of-the-looms (FTLs) on national tv. He is a baaaaaad Buddha! We start with Angie Dickenson telling him she doesn’t trust him, because this helped Marissa soooo much. Jasmine puts her two cents in about something impossible to remember because all you could think about was why the heck she was walking like she had eighteen pounds of lumpy crap in her shorts? Back at camp dude has found some sorry reptile and made a fried lizard popsicle. Bad Buddha is on his game, preemptively searching the camp for a hidden idol... and the little shithead finds it!!!! He is now at planetary levels of bold, and I think he wants to give Jasooon a rimmer. It’s Immunity SLASH Reward time and the LBFF oldsters are unified in their decision to “show the youngsters how valuable they are.” (It’s nice to note at this point that BOTH OF THEM are gone before the end of this episode... LOL). Jeff gets his evil on and puts the kids into this Rollerball’esque game of quazi pyramids. Basically it’s “Fight in a pit for the gourd, pass it to your shooters, and hope they make a basket” with the focus on the “fight for the gourd” part as the pit becomes a steaming vortex of nasty. Winners get Immunity and fishing gear. Girls fight mean, but the real problem is Evil Ben, aka Poser Boy. Jeff actually kicks him out of the game for tripping. Meanwhile tube tops, fuzzy video and heads slamming into the ground is the order of the day. By the end of it, LBFF has lost again and Old Guy Mike has up and turned blue. Blue. Hi, yeah, I was say’en... BLUE. He’s a few minutes away from his heart turning into a paperweight and Jeff suggests he get checked by medical. He’s out, no question ... and they still have to go to Jeff’s fiery pit. Oh, Jeff has a twist – clearly also born from some idea he had when he was wearing his leather cop costume. The Losers pick a winner to come to their camp and hang out till Fiery Pit time. They pick Poopy Pants and she ... is a hard core nut job. As soon as she gets to Camp Loser she goes into this “I’m going to help you because I don’t want this to be a cake walk” speech. Everybody in LBFF hears “You’re such losers, let me patronize you a little.” So, of course, Bad Buddha decides he wants to kill her. Then ... AN DEN she goes for Poser Boy and makes like she has a valid bitch about him tackling her. “You’re a dude... and you tackled me?” Then she goes bat shit mental yelling her fool ass off at him. It was absolutely priceless. Dumb ass. Meanwhile, Mullet Girl (Shambo) goes spear fishing with the mask, snorkel and (d’uh) spear. She comes back with no fish and no mouth piece on the snorkel. More dumb ass. LBFF goes to see Jeff and Bad Buddha sends Officer Betsy home.
Most Memorable Moment
No question: Lizard On A Stick!
Did You Say Something?
Ben, after Poopy Pants balls him out about the tackle: “She can go back to eating ketchup sandwiches and drinking Kool-Aid or whatever they do.”
We didn’t see much of the Galu gang, what with Bad Buddha busy making history with his evil ways. So it’s hard to spot the winner... but I still like Turkish. (aka Jason Statum, aka Erik!)
(aka "Tribal Council")
So it’s a Ben versus Betsy cage match at Jeff’s Pit’o’flames. Jeff draws Ben out, getting him to continue acting like a psychotic megalomaniac poser. Does this make any difference? They vote Betsy out and presto... all the old folks are gone. Now they have to eat each other!! Er... wait... Russell will prol’y eat all of them.
~ Seriously? The hidden idol? Gah... he is going to be insufferable. Wohoo. :D
~ I’m sorta hoping that challenge was a clue about how the whole season will be. :D LOL.