Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race XIV Update!!

Amazing Race – Finally! Hobbits

Mai Thai Trannies

And they're off... bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! To Bangkok, Thailand… which apparently translates into “Tranny’s a’plenty”. They’re getting down towards the end-game and Cap’t Giant-Mittens is having a little fun with our globe trotters. In fact… this could actually be called “The Amazing Hobbit Torture Race”.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
The gang heads over to the land of impure impulses and child abusers, aka Bangkok. The cultural tour includes finding a backwoods, ridiculously remote, broken down, unused pier, driving around the polluted canals, sticking your hands in the mouths of strangers or sitting in a cab while some young boys dressed as girls dream of sticking other things in their mouths. That their penis-equipped status remained lost on the Hobbits only adds to my overall enjoyment of the show this week. :) Ok… so backing up, they seriously have to find the impossible pier which leads to a Roadblock – putting a prop on a canal-boat (think several different james bond movies) – and then off to some far away part of town and a Detour. The Detour was (and I kid you not!) to shove some fifty random old-used-but-cleaned dentures into the gapping, toothless mouths of these little ancient Thai men and women, looking for a good match… OR (sigh) to sing karaoke in a “Party Cab” with four “fun girls”… which is operated by a company called Mai Thai Trannies. So many jokes… I actually started convulsing… lol. When it was all said and done, the real game came in the form of forgotten backpacks at the beginning of the Road Block. This required the black girls and the hobbits to go back - in cabs they couldn’t afford – and get their stuff. The girls sweet talked their way into free cab rides… (actually, they were smart enough to keep some cash in reserve to use for the “I only have…” conversation versus the “I have nothing” conversation that the hobbits ended up having. They went on to trade stuff from their packs (like a friggen carabineer!!) for cab fares and Mittens was none-too-pleased… giving them FOUR HOUR PENULTY… (Four hours!!! Hahahahahaha). The came in last but it was “non-elimination” day…

The Good
They way the game became a game about “who left their packs behind”.

The Bad
Phil… sitting in the production van… screaming at the video feed for one of the hobbits to put the moves on a Party Van party-girl. LOL….

The Ugly
All the party girls.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
The Reds doing the turkey neck dancing in the party cabs…

The Losers
The Hobbits have been getting picked on a lot by ol’Mittens. Last week (I think it was last week?) they were made to suffer a two hour penulty… this week? Four HOURS!!! Seriously. Hahahaha… but it was Non-Elim week so they get to speed bump and lose next week.

The Winners...
Deaf and his mom win the day. They are rocking hard core. :)

Big Winners...
I want the deaf kid and his SUPER-MOM to win. (she is quite clearly a “Super Mom”)

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