Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

The Amazing Race XIV Update!!

Amazing Race – Finally! Hobbits

Black is Sooo Slimming

And they're off... rushing around Russia (sorry) doing some character development (which is secret editor speak for "we got a mostly boring episode here... hey, why don’t we put Phil in his underpants?") which does, indeed, all lead to the gang freezing their snacks off with only underpants to layer against that Siberian chill.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
They’re kick’en it Siberia Style (which means, freezing your ass off, on a train). It’s trans-Siberian-rail-ways to Nova-something-ski with a giant "there’s only one train" bunch up, erasing all hint of a lead for the leaderboard. Cab time at the destination for a "where is this place?" adventure to a Detour involving lost Russian brides, and giant snow gobbling monster trucks. We go from the drunk happy mid-life-crisis-in-glass-of-vodka crowd at last weeks wood-stacking action to the drunk petulance of youth as our Russian backdrop. The gang is either finding a tall-and-gorgous-white-dress-and-everything bride in some low rent project and driving her to some hard-to-find church in what very well may have been a stolen Lada OR they’re making their way across town to vast parking lot with a bunch of pretty-cool-looking snow gobblers that they have to learn to drive through a wee course... This all leads to a re-jigging of the leaderboard putting big distances between first and last... The Road Block is basically... strip to your underpants and run through town with a few track-suited goons along to keep the frozen locals from stealing you away to their fruit cellars. This is as much fun as you might imagine with a black-fitted-brief-style-ginch-wearing Capt’n Flippers kicking things off (he was wearing mittens and boots too!). We had deaf-guy taking the lead and winning the leg, one of the flights in a thong, pulling-up-the-rear (pun intended) with butt-cheek-fuzzy-video and one of the reds one again showing us how many trips to KFC have come between now and the last time she was paid to be a cheerleader – although, I should shut up, because I do think they’re both very attractive (I’m a sucker for packaged hair colour and big smiles). It was the first non-elimination round... so the flights will have a "speed bump" to crawl over next week.

The Good
Ok... at some point I actually scribbled down a note that the reds were showing actual "niceness".

The Bad
All the jokes I was making when the Hobbits got in the Lada and had to figure out if the seat pushed forward enough... lol.

The Ugly
Yeah... Tammy and Victor will have curried no favour from the collected racers and I’m kinda hoping that it comes back to bite them... but you know what they say... all’s fair in love and RACING FOR MONEY. They were figuratively biting the hands that were trying to feed them with team play during the "where the heck are we?" stages of today’s race leg.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Christie, the less face-lifted of the two flight attendants, was all indignant after some drunk Russian boys they attempted to get info from touched her ass and asked her for her name... Geez... she should have pepper sprayed him. Because, you know, that never happens to blond American woman lost on the streets of Russia with a camera crew chasing her around.

The Losers
Lucky ducks... but at least it wasn’t the black chicks that got the "non-elimination". Save total elimination for those two. Total whiners man...

The Winners...
Wohoo... deaf boy and his mom (I wondered briefly if his sign-language was totally fake and mom just makes up all the shit she says ‘for him’. :D). They get a "travelocity trip with the gnome" for being first... and get to watch Phil try to talk in sign language again.

Big Winners...
Yeah... it’s Deaf Boy for the second place disappointment with the Reds taking the glory. I’d have said "Mel and Mike" but you just know they’re going to blow something soon...

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