Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race XIV Update!!!

Amazing Race – Finally! Hobbits

Fat Stupid Hobbits’es

And they're off... to Russia... where they can fall on their faces, make prank phone calls, learn to spell Chekhov, and get laughed at by obviously drunk and almost disorderly Russians. Um... seriously? That one woman at the wood stacks? She seemed like a real prize. Gah!

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
"aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Kick’en it off in a shabby cottage below the awesome splendor of Drac’s Castle, Flipper-Hands sends ‘em off to Siberia, or "sib-era" if you’re a hobbit. It’s all about sorting out airports as the gang ends up on four airlines flying all over Europe and ending up in two groups "early and later) in Russia. Finding the dam on the back of a 10 rupple "?) note turns out to be a no brainer "hold money up to cab driver and point!!), except the visitors centre only opens at 8:30 in the morning. Mad dash from the entrance sends them all "The Church of SomeGuy" to snag a Detour: Stack wood while drunk Russians watch and laugh or assemble a window shutter while a scary, frozen freaky, kinda dead looking Russian dude looks on. The shutters was the way to go, except the Hobbits use up all the brains getting half the wood stack made – before it falls over – so when they decide to do shutters... they can’t find the house WITH THE SIGN OUT FRONT to put them on. ??? Half the other "builders" loose their wood-stacks too... but a few manage to avoid being idiots "like Amanda, who keeps smacking her stack while bossing Kris around... needless to say, her "his) stack falls over). Deaf boy and his mom Blind-U-Turn Amanda and Kris in an unnecessary but kind gesture designed to help the Reds get ahead "and you know Deaf boy is moaning "Red" in his sleep) – this means they have to go back and stack the wood they gave up on as well as building the shutters. "LOL) From there it’s off to a Russian amusement park... to ride a "summer bob" "rail based bob sled thing) and all I could think was "ah yes... Insurance is not really a problem here is it...". It’s a road block... ride the rails, read some signs and when you get to the bottom... tell the Russian chick what letters you saw on the signs. If you got ‘em all, you can go and try and assemble those random letters into the name Chekhov. !!!!! See "Pathetic" below!. Stunningly the Flight Barbie’s make it onto the Mat first and get a motorcycle "I think he said "A" motorcycle, so I guess they share it). The little idiots "seriously? What happened to their brains?) have trouble at every stage of this episode and while they ... "wait for it) come up short... they still get to see Flipper before Amanda and Kris, the U-turn kids – who get tossed.

The Good
Liking the Reds now. The hobbits borrowed their cabby’s cell phone and only managed to call the next cab and ended up talking to the reds, thinking they were an airline. LOL. The girls only yanked ‘em around for a little while – and they could have done much worse. Never the less... they are starting to look good because everyone else is looking soooooooooooooo bad!

The Bad
What is with the Hobbits? Besides not being able to pronounce "Siberia" One of them does this outstanding face plant at the Detour... "ouch!!) and then, they practically walk to Kazakhstan looking for the house that their supposed to install the shutters on ... ??

The Ugly
Sadly, the U-Turn thing is going to haunt the deaf guy.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Ok... how many words can you possibly spell with C.H.E.K.H.O. and V.??? "Didn’t any of them watch Star Trek????) With a million bucks on the table, I would think you’d just start trying various combinations... LIKE MAD... versus standing their and moaning about how you don’t know any Russian... let alone Russian Playwrights? Dude... don’t be pathetic.

The Losers
So another cute girl gets chucked. Survivor, Amazing Race and Big Brother... it’s like a frigg’en conspiracy to toss out all the cute girls before we actually get to enjoy their company... blarg!!!

The Winners...
And out of nowhere... the Flight Barbies manage to find their way to first place. Having actually ever heard of Chekhov apparently helped. LOL.

Big Winners...
Still thinking the money will go to the deaf kid and his mom. :D

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