Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Amazing Race XIV Update!!!

Amazing Race XIV – Finally! Hobbits



Groin Man



And they're off... doing the airport shuffle, driving on the autobahn, climbing up mountains... climbing down mountains, flying down mountains, and chucking pies all over the place. Add to that the stunningly stupid flight attendants... and it was a great laugh. :) Oh and Brad and his wife, Victoria? They "do fisting”.



Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
So the kids are in Steckelburg (way fun to say) and need to get to some Bavarian countryside and ride a cable car up a mountain... so it’s airport time. This works as expected with half on one flight and the others on a later one. Team Asia pulls out-front early on and never looks back... but the rest of them bunch up and screw around like old pros. It’s up the mountain to a road-block with a tandem-parachute thing to get down... ‘cept the wind is blowing so they have to either wait for the wind to change or ... run down the mountain. Mel, - older dad guy with actor son in tow - he of the pulled groin from last week on Cheese Hill... he was in no condition to run down the mountain. So he waits and watches as every other team suits up for the parachute... then takes it all off to run down the hill. Even Linda (hick lady with no cardio vascular capacity to speak of) decides to "run down the mountain”... which only leads to her standing at the side of a highway ... bawling about how her man is going to hate her now. WTF? Gah... Any ways... the wind changes and Groin Man gets to fly. Flying Groin Man and his actor kid (Mike) get sorted and head off to what turns out to be the Detour. Well... everybody does... but I wanted to say "Flying Groin Man”. The detour is to either chuck pies around till you find the cherry filling... (turns out they have to use one another’s faces as targets) or ride a segway. The Hobits, Groin Man and his kid and (I think??? Can’t remember) the two black chicks... all ride the gyro wheels... while everyone else goes mental with the pies. Deaf boy is none too pleased about taking time to throw pies... but they did alright in the end... so he was just being a whiner... a quiet whiner. :) Meanwhile the flight attendants are wandering around being idiots, the "older couple” are making me think of the fox news woman that described fist punches as "doing fisting”, and team asia is coming in first. First place prize-swag? His and Her Hybrid Go-Carts. Seriously?

The Good
Somebody said – and I quote - "This is the first task I’ve gotten to done."
Now someone else tell me who?

The Bad
Note to Amazing Race: It’s no fun to tell us all about the cool deal with the parasailing thing... and then have nobody do it because of the wind... Yes yes... I appreciate that there was a strategic twist with Groin Man lucking out on his big ride-in-the-sky but still.

The Ugly
Ok... I said as much last week... but it’s not a good thing for the audience to cringe with discomfort over the suffering of the contestants. I want to laugh at their folly and cheer at their pain... not squirm in my chair as I watch a marginally educated back-country woman who hasn’t walked a full city block in the last fifteen years... get lost on some random mountain in Bavaria.... Or cry on the highway beside the mountain. That was just kinda icky.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
READ THE CLUE... my my ... the flight attendants are just doing really bad. Add to their dumb-ass-ish-ness their inability to read-the-freaking-clue... and presto... our losers for next week. You just watch. The last task "after the detour) was to find a wood cutting machine and get a clue "stamped” on the wood chip. The flightless birds managed to interpret that as "break into some guys farm, and steal a length of cut framing wood... then carry it around like a jesus-cross.” "twits)

The Losers
Gah... the discomfort-couple ... "the hicks, Steve and Linda) came in a healthy last, covered in pie and tears. When Mittens tells them they "have been eliminated from the race.”... Steve made with the big sobbing cry... Making uncomfortable moments right up to the very last second.
Good riddance.

The Winners...
Team Asia wins today... and they totally deserved to. But according to the previews... this season is all about siblings and relatives screwing each other over.

Big Winners...
Yeah... the hobbits have to win. They’re fun... short... and did I mention fun? Seriously... I bet they have hairy feet...
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