Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XVII Update!!!

Survivor XVII:

Randy... The Love God

Where in... the monkeys continue to crawl towards a merge... with a jungle meal, golf, fires and the Kenny Blind-Side machine operating on all cylinders.

The Sizzle
(aka "The Flashy Quick Review)
Day 24 and the idiots at Fong are having trouble starting a fire???? Sigh. Way to “represent”! Reward comes quick and it includes a time-to-practice big sling shot with golf references... They all get together to play sling-shot-golf and we watch while Charlie begins to cry about Marcus leaving. They all really get into it, with their practiced attempts to send off vast (125yd) shots. It’s soooo close, but Fong wins – with Randy being all “randy” (aka dick-head) about anybody exercising self-will (in this case, Matty making a certain easy shot a certain way and not wanting to listen to Randy yelling in his face about how he wanted Matty to do it. If he was Adam Baldwin, he would have punched Randy in the face... but he’s not Adam, so... whatever. The reward is a trip to a Gabonese Village (where they all dress in Red from the Oprah shelf at Gap) for a little dancing, washing (villagers beating on them with wet leaves) and eating. Randy decides one of these isolated tribes-folk is some tree slut from the OC and that she was coming on to him so he starts talking into the camera like some death row rapist. Little did he know that she was making the Gabonese gestures for “there’s puss coming out of your ugly saggy nipple White boy.” Oh, and they sent Orville to Exile island and he actually wanders around looking for it, as if Sugar wouldn’t have found it by now. He does take the time to make this AWESOME fake idol but oddly decides it will be somehow valuable to let people think he found it. The Immunity game is an individual game... with all that this implies – Merge (finally). They’re given flint, steel and all the burnenator gear they need to build a little fire and burn-through-a-string-to-win. In an interesting twist of fate... only Sugar and Susie can get a fire going... and Susie wins. Just... wow. Corinne and her short-bus friends (Randy and Charlie) figure they want Crystal gone, so of course Kenny arranges a blind-side and sends Charlie to Camp Loser where he can drool over Marcus without cameras on him.

The Spit
Kenny was on a role at the reward game, calling the other idiots on their lament to Marcus... leading to Corinne’s reply “he earned his right to be here longer...” at which point I scream WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Season after season... they go bonkers and forget what they are actually doing. Except, of course, for the person that actually wins. Play the game... Win the game... Be a crazy mutha? Find your place in the buffet line up at Camp Loser.

The Fire
Charlie has to clean himself up after seeing Marcus-The-Jury arrive at Jeff’s fire-pit. Once this is done, Jeff scolds them for talking to Marcus and then sits back to watch them self destruct again. Crystal calls Randy on his hate-on for her and he lets her know that he’s a crazy freak holding a grudge for some crap on the first couple of days in the game. Kenny is just dr. evil with his lies and deception... and he’s totally winning the strategic game. Hopefully, his many burns to the Sugar-packet wont come back to haunt him.

The Shit
“She was coming on to me!”... the oft heard lament of the psycho rapist when we see his prison interview on CNN. I really do not like Randy!
Corinne with her “Not only do I have pay attention to Sugar, I have to make like I like her... she’s such a moron!” Bwwahahahaha... Sugar is – bar none – so freaking lucky, it’s amazatron. And that much luck is a good thing in a game like this. Being a spiteful bitch (Corinne)... not a helpful thing in this game.

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