Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XVII Update!!

Survivor XVI:

Too Stupid For Words!

Where in... the hapless banana’s masquerading as humans - lost, dirty and hungry in darkest Africa, give up all claims to intelligence and throw … wait, that’s a spoiler. Er… Jeff messes with their heads again, making it appear that the real theme this season is “Jeff – The Alliance Killer”. There’s a weird reward and there’s definitely immunity… and there’s still two colours of buff!

The Sizzle
(aka "The Flashy Quick Review)
Twenty days… that’s about all the smart-reserves this group seems to have had. It’s what takes over when intelligence abandons them that entertains us this week. Randy is all about being a mean spirited prick, Matt is bathed in the fear that comes from realizing you have no clue, and Corinne seems to be embracing her non-stop-pms like a real trooper. Tree mail teases them with hints of a merge and while we know better, they totally don’t (because they’re all officially idiots – see below), so they head off posturing for one big angry tribe. They make “till the end” alliances and then Jeff feeds them huge and tries to give ‘em another secret idol. Charlie, the can’t-see-a-plot-if-it-bit-him gay guy that worships Marcus blows it out into the open, despite Kenny’s feeeeeeeb attempt to yank it (the clue) back and keep it secret. So they decide to dig up the hidden not-so-secret-idol and THROW IT IN THE OCEAN… (afore mentioned idiots) like the completely retarded monkeys they are. They expect to merge after a “rewarding” lunch, but alas, (earwax) Jeff has other plans and sorts them randomly into two new tribes that amount to 3 from Kota with 2 from Thong in each. So, of course, Kota-ites all figure they have the power – again, idiots. Marcus discovers his buddy in San Fran is Crystal’s cuz… which truly does him no good what-so-ever. Randy calls Susie every name he can think of… and after Sugar gets played (yet again, this time by Matt) they head into an immunity game that smells like an “individual immunity” game but the winner essentially saves his tribe from the pit. Line-up, lift your arms up, and hold these poles on the back of your hands till you cave and the pole falls. It ends up a battle between Orville and Matt with Matt having just a smidgen more go-go-juice than mr. popcorn (despite Jeff’s unashamed effort to psych Matt out and make him lose – WTF?). So off they go to the Pit with the plan to fry Susie… who, meanwhile, is having none of that and effectively conspires to bring the blindside hammer down on Marcus-the-snarkus. What a sucker.

The Spit
Corinne is all pretty and stuff… but man that girl must be a vicious bitch to live with. “I’m an extremely vindictive person…” Yeah… we know. She totally did not get what Susie was trying to explain and now she wont let it frigging go?

The Fire
Don’t you just love it when they stop all the bs and just let their true feelings out? Hahaha… Susie lets Marcus have it, calling him on his total line of bullshit and she smiles big while he stomps off down Loser-Lane showing his best angry-pants shoulder slump.
The Shit
Matt and Sugar need to have a kid together so that kid can grow up and win the freaking lottery. Those two are sofa-king lucky it’s crazy. She (sugar pants) gets played again and now she regrets trusting little Kenny – who was lying through his teeth to her but for very good reasons that only worked to protect her from the scary evil Ace. Now she’s going to turn on Kenny and get played yet again… Meanwhile, Matt keeps dodging the bullet. Not sure how but I guess winning immunity kinda helps. :)

WTFAYTA: WTF “are you talking about”

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