Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

The Amazing Race 13 Update!!

Amazing Race – The Special Olympics Reality Season

From Buddhist to Hindi

And they're off... invalidating all their previous efforts to once again bunch up completely en route to the land of dirt... and flaming heads... er... India. Lots of turn-abouts in the grand order-of-things, but alas, nobody runs over the divorcees in an unguarded fit of rage.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
All done with the land of the barking Buddha, so it’s time to hit some Hindi. This means an airport and a comprehensive bunch-up erasing any punishment Terrance-the-terrible received (30 minute delay) for his speeding ticket. Their destination is a some kind of auto-mart that appears to be a non-descript hole in a non-descript wall. Of course, this means first getting out of the Airport in Deli, which is likely easy, except the divorcees actually run into a window – expecting a door and stand around looking perplexed. It’s cab ride time... “Do you know Moonlight Auto??? Can you take us? Si.” The Drag Queen continues to think Spanish is the universal foreign language. She’s in her shorts but looks so much like a man that nobody notices... The divorcees, on the other hand, have legs that end in 150$ month gym membership asses, so they kinda draw a little attention on the reserved streets of India. They do a road-block (tape and paint a mini “tuk tuk” cab) and end up totally reversing their leaderboard – except for Donny and Marie, who stay nicely in first. Meanwhile Dallas wants to lick Marie’s feet until she makes little chipmunk noises. It’s a time consuming task (painting) but they all get through it... although at some point I was expecting Sarah to start moaning red-rum red-rum red-rum with Terry berating her every five seconds. I’d include Ken in the “berated” zone but that guy is such a ridiculous pussy I just can get the finger strength. Out from Moonlight Auto and again with the Indian Cab drivers. They’re looking for ceremonially dressed military dude for their detour clue. Iron 20 articles of clothing or get change from strangers and make a money necklace. Only two teams go for the “make change” deal while the rest think they can iron. Next to the Frat Idiots trying desperately to iron anything, the only real fun was watching the divorcees trying to be mean to Dallas and burning her little finger for her effort. From here it’s off to the pit stop to see Flipper and a woman with a bucket of burning oil on her head. D&M win his and here electric cars and, well... get a little bit more creepy – if that’s possible. (Oh and Marie mentions that she’s returning Dallas’s sweet lick-me vibrations, which makes me wonder how down Dallas will be with Donny in there watching them make out???). Ken and the Drag Queen come in last, but it’s the expected Non-Elimination round, so all they have is a speed bump to climb over next week.

The Good
The cutesy relationship that’s growing between Dallas and Star makes me think they should get together and start a newspaper. (come on... the “dallas star”... work with me on this stuff!!) No seriously... in a sea of despicable personalities, this is a reasonably bright moment of normal.

The VERY BEST part of this weeks show, was the preview of next weeks show... with some kind of an Indian Torture test Road Block thing where locals are pelting the racers with buckets of dye powder (think “rip open your laser-printer toner cartridge”) and the gamers look totally rad all coloured up. :D

The Bad
The editors work it with splicing together every single nagging bit of advice Toni (drag queen) gives to Ken while he’s trying to paint the cab. I swear, I was expecting him to turn on her and her head into a paint can.

The Ugly
Holy Karma Batman!!! Divorcee Biatch #2 is in the middle of making fun of “Dandrew” (their pet name for the frat boys) during the Ironing Detour and to do this... she has to look away from what she’s doing... long enough to burn herself. :D hahahaha!!!!

The Exceptionally Pathetic
OH SURE!!!!!!!!!! Have a non-elimination round when it means we’re subjected to more time watching Ken-Doll get abused by the Drag Queen. The only thing that would make this tolerable would be if one of the divorcees convinced Ken to let her ride his tower of power, and then he got caught by the drag queen. :D I mean, they could have used a non-elim to save the Mythbusters!!!! :D

The Losers
So yeah, no big losers tonight because non-elim saves the cheater and his drag queen. They have to do a “speed bump” next week... which is an “extra challenge” that only they must complete... blah blah blah... and if there’s an airport after that... well, they’ll just bunch up again.

The Winners...
Donny and Marie can race around town in their new electric cars (I wish they flashed a photo or some kind of promotional material about what kind of electric cars they were) while they plan on taking any of the romantic get away trips they’ve won so far. :D

Big Winners...
You know... the Nick and Star show is burning bright but there is merit to the notion that they may burn-out and be overtaken by the Dallas and Toni show. :)

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