Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XVII Update!!

Survivor XVI:

Mars, Venus, and All That Stuff

Where in... the Thongites go further into their abyss, while Team Awesome continues to make me wanna puke. It really does - oddly - all revolve around Sugar and the little glass horseshoe she apparently has wedged in her bum. Oh and Orville bawls his buttery-flavored eyes out.

The Sizzle
(aka "The Flashy Quick Review)
Day nineteen and the pitiful losers at Camp Thong are starving and slipping into the whole lord-of-the-flies thing. Crystal spills some rice and is graphically murdered for this in both Mat and Aces over active imaginations. She cleans up her mess and actually asks them to eat her share of dinner as an act of contrition. (DING DING DING – Venus rising). Camp Perfect still has it’s Dan. He wanders around feeling like the kid with a vestigial tail in grade seven gym class. He gets weird with Corinne and Marcus – wanting to come play with them. Corinne figures he’s a social retarded “former fatty”. (bwahahahaha). They play monkey in the middle of a three-way with this volleyball size breakable thing (break it, get a point) for a chance to pig out after a helicopter ride to freaky crater place. Dude... Thong totally blew. Sugar had nothing to offer and Kota was driven. Kota sends Sugar back to her private cottage on Exile (!!!) and they bask in their luxury – Jeff even secretly tosses in “letters from home” which had Orville unable to do much more than make squeaky noises. Meanwhile, back at Camp Loser, Matty is whining “They have everything, and we have nothing.”, then has his diaper changed and finds his little sue-sue to suck on. He’s all mad, and points his mad-engine at Sugar. Ace isn’t buying and sells the idea to toast Crystal while they can (as if Sugar's secret idol is his to manipulate). Crystal knows what’s up and works with Kenny as he sorts out an “Ace Blindside” that goes from bitter to sweet when they add a little Sugar. Jeff line’s em up for Immunity and explains how both tribes have to fry someone tonight and their playing “log rolling” for individual Immunity (with a twist). While we boggle a the bug bites on Kenny’s back, the round-robin competition winds up with Marcus wearing the freaky necklace. He gets a “twist-o-flex” moment and has to hand an extra immunity necklace over to a Thongite. Of course, he hands it over to Sugar (LOL) and she’s suddenly Golden. The Kenny Show lands team Thong at the camp fire with Crystal saying “I know I told you to eat it... If you cared about me, you would saved me some anyways.” And Venus totally eclipses Mars as Kenny, Ace and Mat do one of those 5 second man-coma things. Despite his best effort to get the secret idol from Sugar, Ace is gob-smacked by the blindside and walks the walk of shame – sukkkkah! Camp Powerball has to fry one of their own too and the target is waving back and forth between Desperate Dan and Susie Nut Chips. Nut Chips actually tells Corinne that if the tables were turned she’d write her name down and we get the editors trying to make us think Susie is in jeopardy, but this is not to be... because they all totally dig making Dan cry on his walk of shame. (anutha-sukkkkah!)

The Spit
Holy smokes that Sugar is one lucky little nugget. Reclining at Camp Sugar with fresh fruit and awaiting the boat ride back to camp after the other losers have suffered a little more... This kills me. :D I’m telling you man... three tribes: Thong, Kota and Sugar.

The Fire
Whoa... hahahaha.... Matty is just hosed. He is walking back to camp a totally dejected man and he thought he was feeling low before??? Ace with his “Thanks Sugar” as he gets up to BE THROWN OUT. Hahaha... wtf was he actually thinking with the whole “give me the idol” thing.??? If she did... he would use it and then? She wouldn’t have it. Wtf good is that to her? Ace had bad mechano in that wind-up head of his.
The Shit
Between the psychological warfare waged by Ace and Mat at Crystal, her refusal to engage and supplicate, and Kenny’s bug-buffet-of-a-back, life looks that hard core suckage at Camp Thong. But at least they haven’t had to put up with Randy.


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