Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 13 Update!!

Amazing Race – The Special Olympics Reality Season

Redefining Stupid

And they're off... to Cambodia with all their patient posture when faced with stressed out white folks acting like Spanish is the universal "foreign language". Oh and if AR had an award for being the biggest dumb-asses to ever walk the earth... we know who’d be getting that trophy. Gah... no wonder you’re divorced.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Okidoki... start out at Summerhill, NZ and make your way to the airport in Auckland so you can jockey for position on various aircrafts that will bunch you up in Singapore and then deposit you in Cambodia. Convince a cabby to take you to some remote gas-depot and load up a truck with gas so it can take you to Siem Reap harbor where you will board a little canal boat, beat the boatman like he was a misbehaving gray-hound and get yourself to some floating town. Detour there to either scam some fish from the "in" the brown river (ug) or zoom around "on" the river doing an an unlikely treasure hunt thing. From there, it’s off to Tomb Raider land (Angor Wat Temple) to find some groove-station echo-room and a clue leading you down the road to another temple... and Cap’t Flipper with his little Cambodian Crypt Keeper.

The Good
Well I got a real kick out of the various transportation methods employed this round all being of varying performance capabilities... (translation: everybody kept passing one another in cabs, on trucks, in boats and running around lost in a temple.
Oh, and when Terry and Sarah’s boat blew a gasket... black smoke and all... I was clapping. She was practically smacking her driver to get him to go faster... and then BOOM... engine failure. Hahahaha... This on the heels of Terry getting a speeding ticket – which earned them a 30 minute penalty – but most importantly it garnered a facial expression on Sarah, turned to Terry that was to die for. The editors tossed it in, in slow motion at the very end of the show. After he gets his ticket... she starts to talk to him about what a drag that was and he’s all "Is that any way to comfort someone who just got a ticket?" – seriously, can you imagine this guy in bed with her? She must totally get off on being bawled out ever 10 seconds... either that or she will eventually cave in his skull with a fire poker.

The Bad
How freaking dumb are these frat boys going to get? I thought they were done for when they couldn’t make their little gasoline pump work. Hahahahaha... they must feel so amazingly inadequate. Any hope of becoming empowered by participating in a global and televised race... is totally evaporating on them.

The Ugly
Drag queen lady – who will likely torture cheater-husband for the rest of his natural life – gets lost on the last clue... and does the "walk through the answer, over and over and over" while we laugh it up at home. :) Flipper tells us that Cheater Hubby finally "cracks" next week... and then shows us him cracking, which amounts to him saying "Please Get In" in an angry voice. And here I was thinking that "cracking" would have more to do with bitch slapping her to the ground... silly me.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Oh My Freaking God... the divorcees are always giving us this speech about "we’re going use our brains now" and then ... well, then they go on to reach new heights of stupid that have never been experienced by mere mortals. "Oh look... that’s a team way ahead of us stopped at a basketball court. Lets go there..." dum di dum "Oh... we didn’t get our clue yet... never mind." They sit in the travel agents office posing for the camera dudes and LAUGHING at the Mom and Son team because they thought up a new insult for the son. This is behavior that tells me that no orgasm has been anything besides self-inflicted for at least a decade. During the Treasure Hunt they had to collect these toy teeth from a floating dentist office ... and I swear they were about to reach into some woman’s mouth and rip her teeth out – again, because they just NEVER ACTUALLY READ THEIR CLUES.

The Losers
Aja and Ty... the token black couple (seriously, lets have a season with six black couples...?????) get tossed today. They didn’t make the key flight in Auckland, so they edit their efforts into the show as they zoom around Cambodia... but dude... they were prol’y an entire day behind. Haha... totally out. (and I was expecting a "Non Elimination" round but alas (earwax), this was not to be the case.

The Winners...
Donny and Marie win again. Another romantic holiday for their troubles... ah yes... CBS and their enduring support for inbreeding. :) Mom & Son came in second and power to them. :)

Big Winners...
I’m very much leaning towards Donny and Marie being in-the-money this season. They consistently "play a better game" than the other players. And I will have to stab my eyes out if the frat boys, the divorcees or the cheater-drag-queen team win. Stabidy stab stab stab!!!!

Ps. You just KNOW that next week will be a non-elimination week... right?

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