Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XVII Update!!

Survivor XVI:

Eat’en Franklin

Where in... the ongoing torture of Team Thong continues unabated. Snake-Chase’en for yummi snacks, and a great obstacle course do nothing to relieve the pressure on Thong... giving us a whole new take on the idea of a Thong Crack. Crystal, for example, is pretty darn close to losing it altogether. Sugar stays well fed and seems like a rich girl slumming with the losers on the wrong side of the tracks.

The Sizzle
(aka "The Flashy Quick Review)
Like a beacon of hope, Matty appears almost normal among the flip charts in Team Thong... he’s carving his main squeeze a ring and gunning for the alliance Buddha big time. He nails down a plan with Power Drunk Ace to make a foursome with Sugar and Kenny... finally opening the door to someone finally yelling “Hey... they killed Kenny!” Mat and Ace do that ridiculous “I promise on my _______”(fill in the blank with Mom, Girlfriend, Obi-Wan Action Figure, whatever) thing to not fuck the other guy. Don’t hold yer breath on that one. A short visit with Kota and as they dive back into their cornucopia we get let in on the only really big issue in their land-of-plenty... Dan is a freaking pig with the food. “I don’t want to be hungry again at midnight.” LOL... Meanwhile, Thong is out of rice, on their collective last nerve, and generally desperate... although Sugar has a leopard skin bathing suit that appears no worse for their experience. Jeff goes for the full-on torture thing in the Reward game by sending them around an oval, chasing each other while carrying a big-ass-sand-stuffed snake. As people drop off in exhaustion, the other team gets a little closer to catching up. Crystal has to – of course – drop out and be bested by Orville Redenbacker again. Kota wins handily and gets this big spread of coffee, croissants, choco éclairs, etc. Jeff even makes them eat their first yummi’s in-front of Thong. This sends Crystal over the top and she starts cry’en. Of course, now she has to spend the rest of the show making herself obnoxious, telling everyone that she’s not weak – except of course, that she is weak, wimpy, useless and whiny... all the time. Kota sends Sugar back to Exile Island so she can stuff her face with fresh fruit and recline on the hammock. She actually feels pretty guilty about her good fortune while the other campers are slowly bloating up for their “Feed Darfur” endorsement gigs. Kota gorges on the pastries and then catches a big Turtle in their fishing net. So Franklin gets hacked to pieces and cooked-up for dinner. They all love it, btw... ick. Immunity is the “tie two team mates together and have then run an obstacle course” deal. It actually looked pretty good for Thong for a while there but Ace-hole is sooooo not a team player and he screws the pooch at the last stage of the game: assembling this flag pole thing. They lose big. Corrine (Sp?) (Team Kota) does manage to navigate part of the course with her top off... so I guess there are still a few pleasures in the African wild. Ace blames Kelly for the immunity loss, despite it all being his fault and this sets the pace for the Fire Pit. In the now classic “editors distraction” zone, we get to see Kenny agog over Sugar’s admission that she gave her secret Idol to Ace and he tells her to get it back (she does) and they set us up with the hope that they’re going to blind side Ace. Of course, this doesn’t happen and they all come together to fry Kelly out of the game... for no discernable reason what-so-ever.

The Spit
Again, it’s all about Sugar and her appearance as a third tribe... well fed and well rested from her regular visits to Exile Island. She seems to be quite easily manipulated - or should I say dickhead-ipulated, by Ace... she even gives him her immunity idol... but fortunately gets it back when South Park boy tells her she’s whack for giving it away.

The Fire
Jeff is like this Jedi Master at inspiring unrest among the assembled losers at the fire pit. He asks a few questions and next thing you know, you have Crystal freaking out and Kelly calling Ace on being a lying dick-smack. I was really hoping for the Ace blind-side, but ... alas... (earwax) this was not to be the case. They toss Kelly into the loser lounge back at production central.

The Shit
Mat and Kenny are totally rocking ... did you see them in the Immunity game? And for some dumb ass reason Mat seems to be letting Ace-hole set the pace for their plots and plans. Somebody please kill Ace. Oh, and Crystal is wearing her angry-bunny all the time now. That’s going to punish her soon.

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