Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 13 Update!!

Amazing Race – The Special Olympics Reality Season

Phil’s Dad

And they're off... to screw around in New Zealand… one of the last places on earth that seems to seriously consider having fun a civil-right. Tempers are getting worn, but there-be-gnomes in these parts and freaky freaky Mauri warriors, so who cares if the black guys get a flat tire. The Pinks are beyond clueless and one of the frat boys starts humping Phil’s dad. More fun than a barrel full of Kiwis mate…

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Ok, so lets run it down… Take all your hard won postures in the race and screw ‘em up with an airport bunch-up, then fly to Auckland (NZ). Hop in a “marked car” and drive yerself to a place called “Gulf Harbour” – if you didn’t pick the car with the tire that was about to burst. Find a big ass knot (Gordian Knott) at the harbour, untie it to get the next clue… There’s a fast forward and, of course, Cheater Dude and his “had work done” drag queen of a cheated-on-wife get the FF and win the day - and a little puke came up there. For the rest of the gang, it’s off to meet some Mauri warrior dudes and locate a pictured henna tattoo on freaky dudes face. From there it’s off to the top of some building to play “spot the Travelocity gnome” and then run around in a detour either stomping kiwi’s to make juice or assembling and driving “blow carts” (which are not, btw, mini brothels). Get through the detour and you get to go be Not-First (thank you Fast Forward) with Phil on the matt. The funky “local dude” standing with Phil says some unintelligible thing when the racers hit the mat… after a few teams come through you realize he’s saying “I’m Phil’s Dad”. And … just say’en… ping-pong-mallet-hands run in the family.

The Good
Donny and Marie kinda rock… they consistently nail the competitions… think on their feet (i.e. checking the flow of liquid at the “spigot” on the kiwi squishing station) (pun intended)… and piss off the idiot queen divorcees – which scores extra points in my book. :D

The Bad
Now that the Pinks are gone… the camera men are going to have to find someone else to get their “wtf” footage from… like watching the girls walk past the knot on the dock, muttering to themselves about not being able to find … a knot. Seriously, not the brightest bulbs…

The Ugly
“If you say ‘bit us in the butt’ one more time, I’m going to jump off a cliff.”
So say’s Aja… black chick… to her ebony squeeze. To his credit, he has the foresight to call her Fidel until she capitulates and removes her missiles. Oh, and these guys get a flat on the lost highway… and there’s Aja bellowing “Help Us” to passing motorists… ar ar ar…

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Oh my god… the divorcees are the most annoying people in the known universe… and they’re pretty daft when it comes to this game. Stunningly they’re still here… but I guess we need “fodder” for the next loser episode (and I was thinking this week would be a Non-Elimination round… just to keep the befuddled Pinks in the game a little longer… they make for good laughs.

The Losers
So Phil’s dad is all about wanting to give those little girls in Pink a big ol’hug when their sorry asses are tossed out of the game. Of course, we don’t see where his giant paddles end up during the hugs… old’dog. :) The Pinks are totally OUT – and despite their cuteness… they were totally draggin things down. They sooooo deserved to be kicked off .P

The Winners...
Ew… ick. I gotta go rinse my mouth out… drag queen and sucker-boy win again.

Big Winners...
It’s funny how they edit some people “in” and others “out” … just to keep things interesting (I guess). We didn’t see much of the idiot and his keeper (Terry and Sarah?) this week… and that’s a good thing. It will be nice to see him get pulled over by the cops next week. (preview!!). I’m leaning towards Donny and Marie winning the big money… mostly because they seem to be the only ones that … have a clue.

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