Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 13 Update!!

Amazing Race – The Special Olympics Reality Season

Now Take A Deep Breath...

And they're off... on an adventure that ol’Slappy must have cooked up in his little meth-lab of a game-show-back-office. Take ‘em where they can hardly breath... and make ‘em fight girls.!! We get to see one of divorcees smack her head and we get reacquainted with the Mom & Son, Black and Pink teams... and a big downer with the losers lose’en because they just didn’t read the damn clue.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
So off they go to Bolivia... up as high as Cat’n Mittens can send them without killing them, to Lepaz... thirteen thousand feet and counting. The first big clue even tells them to walk, kicking off the whole “out of breath” thing. The Chick-Zillas (Divorcees) pick a shit-disturber fight with Donny and Marie with some lame accusation about chucking a sports bra out some window. Donny tries to make nice but only to find that under the evil, smarmy exterior, the divorcees are still evil and smarmy. Mr. United Nations gets no where fast. So they all hoof it from the airport in Lepaz to find the Simon Bolivar statue and find a clue in the morning paper want ads. Simple enough... except for the brain dead pinks and the evil-smarmy divorcees. Unfortunately, Team Myth Buster fails to read their clue (it tells them to walk) and they cab it to the next zone. The producers toss in a U-Turn (makes you have to do both sides of a Detour) but it fails to spark evil cruelty. The detour is this deal with either riding a wooden bike or walking through some parks collecting big-band members. Both games get them to a destination park with the next clue... ... and it’s a Road Block. “Dress up silly and fight some girl in a Jehovah’s Witness skirt” is the game and it’s played in a nacho-luca ring with a paid audience that looks like they were all just emptied out of some government office to come and get a free lunch. :) Cheater dude and his drag queen semi-ex-wife come in first and Phil gives ‘em a romantic holiday for their trouble... they’re followed by the Mom & Son team and then in a pathetic over-edited race to the finish, we get to see the chick-zilla’s bawling away expecting to get tossed. Alas, the Myth Busters had to burn off a 30 minute penulty for taking that cab ride and this is their undoing – much to chick-zillas happiness.

The Good
Again... it’s a toss up. The best “Good Moment” is either Donny trying to make nice nice with the Chick-Zillas (and them blowing him off... because... man... it’s a sports bra!) or it’s when Chick-Zilla #1 crashes her bike and does some head-smacking on a rock wall. It looked like she got hurt way bad... but then she wasn’t all busted up... (bummer).

The Bad
The Frat Fucks just piss me off.
Talk about living up to every stereotype imaginable... they’re slow witted ... wait for others so they can copy and are totally incapable of coming up with anything on their own. They deserve to go!!!

The Ugly
“You tossed my sports bra!” “No I didn’t” “Yes you did”... and they all drew out hand guns and shot one another in a hail storm of bullets. And then I woke up and realized it had all been a dream. Seriously though ... Divorcee chick with the hyper-freak out over someone touching her stuff and making the decision to blame Marie was just silly.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Dude... what is up with the Pinks?
I mean, their weekly sound bite moments with the pink outfits and the pink knitted cap are just ahhhhhhhh... and to top it off... they actually are as dumb as they look!!! More folks that deserve to go!!

The Losers
Sadly, my Myth Buster dudes went and got themselves hosed but not reading a clue. Seriously ... I mean, Imagine the degree of self-criticism that must be going on in their lives!! One word dudes... FAIL!

The Winners...
Sickeningly, the Cheater dude and the Drag Queen win the day... get a prize and generally look like they’ll be overly cocky next week. :D

Big Winners...
Well, now that the Myths are out... who to root for? And I’m liking the black couple... with their “fall in love via long-distance” deal. They’re like “Blog Ambassadors”.

Note: when they (the producers) made such a small deal out of the Airport that got them to Bolivia, I figured that meant there was going to be some really juicy, time consuming, moments in the show. They never materialized. Dear Phil: Step it ma-man... I want more action than just “Girl Fighting at 13,000 feet.”. :D

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