Amazing Race – The Special Olympics Reality Season
Read The Clue!!
And they're off... on the next leg of the “Darwin Awards meets Reality TV” with an exceptional degree of stupid showing up in the most likely of places. While the Frat Tools demonstrate the consummate result of all that beer, and the Divorcees live up to every stereotype imaginable, we also get to see The Shopping Blonds close to tears and that Terrance guy closing in the pinnacle of what it truly means to be a high-maintenance douchebag. No seriously folks... this was stunning.
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
So we kick things off in Salvador, Brazil and end up at some beach resort with Slappy (Capt’n Giant Mittens). Step one is to bolt from the “Fortress” and fly to “Fortalaze”. The game is all about luck-of-the-cab-draw with cabs that wont start, cabs that get lost and others that just wont drive faster than a bicycle. The cabs get the gangs to the beach resort so they can sit in the back of a big yellow dune buggy that someone else is driving and play “watch my hair flutter in the wind” as they zoom zoom to the next clue. It’s a Detour to muck about on the beach using two logs to roll and 400 lb sail boat over a sand bar or find a cargo container in a ship yard... OR to sorta do both if you’re a dumb-like-post divorcee. This leads to more crummy cabs and a trip to some remote location with a big ass six hundred foot long wall covered in Spanish slogans to find another clue as part of a road block. After much frustration and straining IQs they head to Slappy to find out who gets to say g’bye and who gets the free stuff.
Do I have to say more? Hahahaha... these guys (the “middle age geeks”) are great and they almost get their game on to the point of winning this leg. One of them (no idea which one) actually pulls off a Yoda moment. (lol) They neglected to account for the power of the Drag Queen and her Cheater Hubby....
Instinct tells me to put this in the “bad” section, but my better judgement is telling me to leave it in “Good”... Donny and Marie are working the Detour and to get the local helpers to work faster (did I mention that the “move the boat” game included two local dudes helping?) Donny tells Marie to give the guys kisses to “get them to work faster”. And this is on Leg Two of the game. I’m guessing it’s going to get interesting when they get to the final segments of the game and I have visions of him pimping her out to some local school boys to get them to ride shotgun on their pending adventures.
I would pay someone to go all Nancy Kerrigan on Terrance. No really.
Dude is loading his crap into the trunk of the first cab and gets clipped on the head by the trunk. I thought he was going to go down and start flailing. He gets in the cab and bawling out Sarah for not seeing his invisible blood and then he tells her to “blow on it” (yhgtbfkm!!!!!). This is the guy who bawled out Sarah for engaging the other racers in idle conversation because she should have been spending her time stroking his insane-o ego. He actually said “It started raining and it was like God showering us with love and joy.” I had to clean the barf off the ottoman.
The blondes... the “shopper blondes” OMG. Er... ohmygawwwd. At the Detour they decide they are not strong enough to do the “move the boat” thing, so they decide to do the cerebral game... and never miss a stitch directing their cab to the beach to the “move the boat” thing. I mean... wtf? “Well, we’re here... we should just do it.” Gah!!!
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Nothing... not one thing... compares to how totally daft the Divorcees were during this leg of the game. They totally deserved to lose and get kicked off... but, alas (earwax) they didn’t. First... they don’t read their clue at the detour and somehow reach the conclusion that they need to dig in the beach sand to find an empty container (the container on the other side of the detour that is actually a ocean-shipping-container and NOT a part of this side of the detour). So they sit there... digging in the sand, freaking out, while their lead vanishes. Next time we see them they’re in the cab heading to the roadblock and saying how they are resolved to “read the clue”. What do they do next? They freaking DON’T READ THE CLUE, hop out of the cab and watch it drive away, when the clue clearly said to keep the cab. Now this is a road block and once one of them gets focussed on figuring out the clue, does the other one go to find a cab for the next leg? No, of course not. She waits for her twit friend to finish the roadblock so they can both stand around without a cab. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The sarcastic guy and his “I just wish we were rich... that’s why we’re here... we want MORE MONEY” wife (Anthony and Stephanie) can’t catch a break and blow the roadblock totally. The editors try to make it seem like they have a last-moment-of-hope but it’s totally editing (watch the length of shadows people... you quickly see how seriously distant the players are from one another when they reach Slappy on the mat.) So they lose, and she’s holding back big tears as Slappy delivers the bad news.
At step-one, they all converge on the Salvador Airport Authority to get booked on flights to Fortalaze and when the ticket agents see a line up forming... they decide to switch in their bigger jet. Strangely, the Drag Queen decides that she is responsible for this and proceeds to tell everyone they “owe her” for getting the bigger plane. Her loser of a husband – can you spell whipped – was almost at blows with Terrance-the-Tit over the concept of just how much influence an ugly blonde has in an airline decision to switch JETS!!! Never-the-less... these two... Cheater Boy and his Drag Queen get a cab that is willing to blow past the Mythbusters in the final kilometres of this leg and they find their way to Slappy first. He gives them “his and her off road vehicles” for their trouble... and we all know that he’s going to be so sick of her shit by the time this is over that they’ll be glad they have easily divided winnings. :D
~ three cheers for the Mythbusters!! :D :D