Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XVII Update!!

Survivor XVII:

Human Paloma Virus

Where in... the unlikely happen s... and I don’t mean Jeff grows a sense of humour. Team Thong manages to rise from the ashes of their own decrepitude to do a little winn’en. This opens the door for a Kota catastrophe ... proving definitively that there really is no trophy in catastrophe.

The Sizzle
(aka "The Flashy Quick Review")
Six nights in and Team Loser is going native ... that is, they’re letting their genetic proximity to baboons and gorillas show. Little Pouty, the kinda black little guy (GC) on Team Thong is trying to be assertive and only getting to the “I’m annoying” stage ... while TDH (total dick head) Randy gets to be on the receiving end of “I’ll say anything I like man...” from Mr. G. Everybody just lets ‘em go at it and I expect (or is that “hope”) it will get lots worse before it gets better. Meanwhile, back at the Double D Ranch, the camera men jostle for position to get in front of little Miss Doesn’t Bend Her Legs leaning over to give us a show while she whispers her sweet nothings (and dude ... I really mean “nothing”) to Moby er... Ace. Seems Team Kota is a little bit divided between those that can put up with Moby and those that ... are bitchy little girls (BLG). Out and out warfare is avoided by the arrival of the Reward Game Tree Mail. Jeff, in fine form, has them assign a loser to wrap themselves around a pole while two others are selected to kick the shit out them. Actually, it’s more like “pull Loser off the pole and drag ‘em back to the finish line. They go through three rounds of this and Team Thong pulls off a surprising win thanks, in part, to BLG #1 (Paloma) being a total pussy when it comes to keeping her hands wrapped around a pole... and despite GC being stunningly weenie about actually putting any effort into his game. They take new bedding back to camp for their effort and they send Sugar to exile island. Of course, she finds the idol and cries about her dad dying and we get to marvel at how much tummy she has (no issues man, she looks great, but...) as she struts around in a bra, what appear to be a pair of Fruit of The Loom form-fit boxers and her team buff as a tummy-hider. By day nine they’re on to an immunity game. It’s a giant slip’n’slide with a “put the collected puzzle pieces together” thing at the end. The catch is that the puzzle is a math-logic problem, so of course, the gamer geek beats the school teacher, letting Team Thong enjoy yet another win and sending Kota to their first “I hate you” session with Jeff. We are distracted by the editors with lots of worry about Ace and Sugar ... but they fry little miss sullen ... BLG #1... the human Paloma virus that has been dogging their camp since the first day.

The Spit
Two things... did you see Mrs. Olympian slam her head the slip’n’slide? Ouch! And Randy may have a good plan to fly low ... but he’s a snake in the grass and his day is going to come.

The Fire
Jeff was getting tired of ragging on Team Thong... so he was all smiles when he got to stick it to the Kota’ites. They seemed to think Ace and Sugar were a force to be reckoned with ... but clearly not enough to spur them towards action. Little Miss Paloma gets herself sent to the Loser Trailer to enjoy some snack action with the other two...

The Shit
Seriously ... that kid ... GC? What a douchebag. Shut up already.

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