Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 13 Update!! :)

Amazing Race

Rapido! Rapido!

And they're off... Mittens waves his fleshy paddle and they zoom away… and despite our assurance that this is a grand race-around-the-world-for-one-million-dollars, we know the real action is going to be watching some of these couples self destruct and say "rapido" in eleven countries. “Divorced because he cheated – but racing” WTF? Who are you trying to kid there Cap’t Big Hands? Oh, and Donny and Marie are here… tragically they’re only clones that haven’t been told their true identities. LOL.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Flipper Hands say’s go and they leave the LA Stadium to drive for LAX and one of two flights to Santiago, Brazil. Despite being on Amazing Race and all that this implies… half of them still manage to screw up the very first instruction and get bumped to the loser-flight because they stand in the wrong line-up. Flights start out 3 hours apart but delays lower that down to 1 ½ and then it’s all about getting sound bites and video moments to introduce us to all the players.
Salvador is all about goofing around with a giant dinky toy truck stacked up with cheep snacks (push it from here to there) and then (because you’re soooo tuckered out) check into this barracks to catch some shut eye with a “shotgun” exit in the morning. The next day they do a detour thing with a choice between crawling on your hands and knees up a stone staircase to get punked by some joker with a big ass drum and then do it all again… or climb down a giant net. D’uh? Everyone climbs down the net except the frat-twits. Despite holding their lead through the whole show, Terry (Giant Complainer) and Sarah lose their lead to Donny and Marie who pull ahead for the win. Phil sends the brother and sister on a romantic get away for their first place win. I’m thinking this is normal for them. :)

The Good
Who’s here?
~ Nick & Star (Donny and Marie) appear to have a long history of playing together,
~ Some loser-cheater-dude and his drag queen wife who is here to torture his ass all over the world,
~ Long-Distance Lovers (and SCORE, they’re also black, so… you know… two token-birds with one stone),
~ Little dolty-hotty blondes (“we like to shop” – oh puke!!!!),
~ Idiot frat boys who will likely die from exhaustion at some point,
~ Bee keepers from an Arlo Guthrie song,
~ Two angy dochette divorcees,
~ Middle age gamer-geeks.
~ and three more forgettable couples... I mean… I forgot who they are… so,… you know. :)
So, yeah, no obvious winners… except us, of course. :D

The Bad
Yeah… Terrance is going to be murdered during the game… and nobody is going to turn in Sarah. Nobody.

The Ugly
The divorcee’s… hahahahaha um… Angry Much? Holy stereotypical man-haters. One of them is complaining about being “hacked off” because they are coming into the rest stop in 8th place. Hahaha…

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Dude? You cheated on your drag-queen, got divorced and decided to do Amazing Race together to what? Entertain us? Seriously… you guys better not win.

The Losers
The lovely old hippy couple “Married Bee Keepers” couldn’t pull it together and paid the price… but they seemed nice enough. Oh and no question they were all about the purple-microdots and blotter paper squares … wwwway back in the sixties. :D

The Winners…
Eww… I’m sorry but Nick and Starr… seem like a couple of incestuous stepford robots. They win today.

Big Winners...
It’s too early to tell… but I’m guessing long-distance-lovers and the old-gamer-geeks all likely have good communication skills which has to be a key to this game. :)

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