This Week In Big Brother 10: Back to Basics
Asta La Vista Baby
Where in... the true mania of Jessy’s mom bursts onto our television screens... along with his pulsing muscles. Libra, on the other hand, only has a pulsing vein in her forehead. We get a magic mustache, a giant yellow creamsicle and ... is that pickle?
You can eat condiments when you’re on Slop. Pickles are considered condiments... that’s why you saw Libra eating a pickle. This does not, however, explain Memphis’s mustache.
Loser say what?
(aka "The week in as few words as possible")
It’s all about Jessy and his freak-show of a body this week... what with the pose’en and rolling his shorts up into things that looked like adult diapers and then drawing his finger across a ridge between two muscles on his flexed thigh. BARF!!!!!!!!! Er... ok, where was I? Oh yeah... Shrinks immediately goes into wtf mode setting his sights on Steve because Steve didn’t prance up to Jessy’s Ho! room and offer to suck his dick for a pass in nomination land. Jerry makes the girls cry (sob story about sticking by his wife) and Dan – the Catholic School Teacher (clue) – has his first Gay Encounter asking Steve all the cliché questions when you know he wanted to ask all about the mechanics. Keesha gets it in her head that it’s a good idea to talk about her dogs ability to come before her boyfriends (LOL), and ALL THIS before they even get to the food game. Slop goes to the team that spills the least wine... in a game that looked a like trying to catch red pee streams in a martini glass. Amos – with exceptional stupidity – is on record wondering if tasting the wine will cause him to become an alcoholic (dumb-ass). Contrary to my expectations, Renny didn’t win hands down. In fact, the "olds", along with Stripper, Libra and someone else are on slop. This is not going over well with Libra. Despite Dan’s visit to Shrink’s Ho!-Castle on his knees, making his Ohhhhh face... Shrinks still puts him on the block... along with Rodeo Steve. Meanwhile, Memphis is setting up his new alliance with Jessy, and Angie... then brings in Michelle (psst. 1987 called... it wants it’s hair back). Memphis also magically morphs between a guy with a big ass mustache and guy without... then back again... all over the course of two days. Libra goes batshit crazy when Jerry morphs into a pmsing duchebag and starts giving her shit for making like his being SEVENTY AND OLD AND SLOW AND WEAK AND DID I MENTION SEVENTY might affect his game play. LOLOLOL... Renny joins in the yelling for fun and excitement. Michelle wins the Veto and – despite a good last ditch effort to redirect to crazy-lady-libra... she does nothing with it and we head into eviction night. Julie, resplendent in her creamsicle orange pant suit, holding her morphine pump in one hand a camel-toe hiding papers in the other, begins by putting Libra on the spot again, this time about her calling Jerry Old and Slow. (last time it was "crappy mother abandons five month old twins"), and then it’s off to meet Jessy and Renny’s families. Reasonably, Renny’s family is supportive of their ex-tramp mom and critical of Jessy’s insanity. The only surprise was that Jessy’s mom seemed to think his muscles were going to make him become a governor. Julie wipes a little drool off her chin as she pumps away staring at Jessy... then remembers that were here for a vote. The house-mats had clearly made a plan and Steve gets fried 9-0... so we get to see him crying away in the loser lounge as the "goodbye messages" roll. The new Ho! game is a memory game about stuff removed from the house and they sell it by scaring the crap out of people with little Rosewellian Aliens lighting up in the one-way-mirrors. In the end? It’s Keesha for the head-Ho! Hopefully she’ll keep having Tara-Reid-moments with her low cut tops.
"My dog comes before my significant others."
Oh Keesha Keesha Keesha...
"You couldn’t even get all eighteen inches of that in your camera!!"
Seriously Jessy... You don’t really think you’re going to be governor do you?
"I like to conversate with Ollie."
Yes April... because you and Amos have so much to conversate about.
"I wondered... if I tasted the wine... would I become an alcoholic?"
As a ringing testament to the complete absence of reality in Ollie’s homelife...
Most Memorable Moment
Libra having a shit attack when Jerry tries to call her out on insults. Holy cow... DUDE! No wonder her husband was supportive of her going away for a few months.
The only thing worse than a young punk going on a rage fueled aggression bender... is a 70 year old man acting like a bitchy little girl. Er... way to rise above the ridiculous there Jerry. I guess we now know why your voice is always sounding so raw.
Now what we need is for Shrinks (jessy) to fall madly in love with Little Miss Truck Stop (Michelle). Perhaps if she sucked on those toes of his next time she debases herself by giving him a pedicure... Anyways... that will lay the foundation for a complete Jessy melt-down. :) (and no amount of suffering will be too much for this guy.)
Dark horse time... Agnie. I think Memphis will get taken out by a bunch of weak players as soon as they have some control...