Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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A final Survivor Update!

Well this is it.
Essentially there were three Survivor shows on the TV last night, each one an hour long...
There was the one hour "Outback Cinematography Special", followed by the "Let's Pick a Winner Already Show" and finally, the "Giant Bumble Makes Deb Cry Special".
Lets have a quick review of each one!

And I get to use the new Lj Cut feature... so click to read the rest...

Outback Cinematography Special

The point of this entire sixty minute show was to kill time en route to the immunity challenge that would effectively position one of the players to hand pick who would go before the jury with him or her. So the pagan master, Jeff Probst, has 'em go on a monster long forced march past little name tags belonging to their fallen comrades carrying idols that looked heavy enough to be a pain in the ass. Then sit for a bit and reflect on your experiences and then present you idol as an offering to the river gods.

Ok, the concept is cute. Walk-about, (an Aussi tradition!) then set'a'bit, then sit through a quiz about your ex-buds.
The entire show, apparently, has been filmed on this guys ranch. It's a big ranch. It's a really really big ranch. The "time wasting" part of this sixty minutes seems to have been a license for the camera peeps to go for the gusto and load up the film cans with some remarkably beautiful footage of the land around the losers. The final straw... Tina sitting on a cliff overlooking this awesome water-fall was just fantastic. All kidding aside, I was taken during this show with the real beauty of the surroundings... Something Cheese boi goes on to say later that he regretted not doing earlier in the game.

At the moment that Probst was explaining to the kids "Ok, you've walked all frigging day in big-ass giant circles so we could get loads of footage of the various sticks we placed around here with the losers name tags on 'em... and seeing as you haven't eaten anything substantial in weeks - well except for you Colby - I want you to go and sit in a private spot and think about your experiences here in Australia, reflect on this game and how you played it. And when you're through (and when we have good footage of you "thinking") chuck that idol into the water as an offering to some pagan god I know nothing about. Ok?" At this moment, I was totally sure Colby - looking to me like he was sick of the whole thing, was about to just toss his idol over his shoulder and say ..."OK, I'm done. Where's the food?"

"Let's Pick a Winner Already"
wowowowowowow... I am so happy. You cannot imagine what an utter lunch-bag-let-down seeing Richard "the rat bastard" win the first survivor challenge.

Ok, there was some good stuff here, so let's review.

The immunity challenge was a great final take off on the Monty Python's Holy Grail "Cliffs Of Despair" gig. The gang ... well the three of them, had to answer questions about the other players and the one with the most correct answers gets the immunity necklace. OF COURSE COLBY WINS the challenge because he has won every fargging challenge in the last 4 or 5 weeks... why stop now.

Now at this point I am just freaking out, because I'm certain he'll pick Chef Pierre to sit with 'em because nobody like Keith, but I was hella wrong and dammed glad of it. For all my teasing of that big-headed Cheese boi, I am telling you right now that when he picked Tina, and when it was obvious that he did so to fulfill on a commitment the two of them had made ages past… well he just climbed way up the respect ladder - or was he just hoping for "last night in the outback skanky sex?" Mrs. Brady and those implants are a far cry from Chef Pierre's Mountain Man beard.

So, Keith is dumped and the other two trudge back (a lot of walking today!) and basically burn everything in sight…

Most Memorable Moment:

Cheese Boi saying "No matter what happens, Keith Famie did not win a million bucks." Hahahaha hohoho… oh wow, and Keith gets to watch that! Hahaha… rotflmao

The following day is spent continuing to burn everything in site, like a couple of classic high school campers after a weekend at the lake with a 2-4. And then it's off the final council … the "lightening round" as it were.

Second Most Memorable Moment:

Scari Jeri (who by the way, was referred to as - get this! - a "Skanky Bitch" in the snooty Ottawa Newspaper yesterday… hahaha) gets up to ask her question to Colby and Tina… essentially she asks them to take a second and clear their consciences of anything that may be bugging them… Could you just see her casting a lure out to them and hoping to reel in some suck-face from them? And WHAT did she get???? Nada! Nut-ten huney… hahaha… well nothing to do with Scari. And the camera pans to Tina's face when Scari takes her skanky self back to the bench… and Tina is LAUGHING!!!! Oh that was soooo good. Praise the gods… there is justice. She was laughing and Scari WATCHED that on TV with millions and million. Hahaha.

Ok. There were some good questions… "Who shouldn't get the money?" "what are you feeling guilty about?" "When did you lie?" "How the hell d'ya manage this?" but the bottom line is the votes were cast and Jeff tells the whole collective gang that the vote-box is sealed until the show back in California… and a helicopter lands, and picks him up! Leaving the kids to find their own way out of this remote, desolate outback location. Haha A 16 day walk out of the outback. That would have been priceless.

Any ways… the camera flashes forward to the contemporary setting in the CBS Studio with the Council Of Dump mock up and focuses on Colby and Tina. Zebra thought they were actors… like, some random peeps that won the "looks most like Tina and Colby" contest. But no. It's them, just fattened up a bit.

Watching Jeff trying not to laugh while he counts the 3 / 3 tie in votes was kinda funny. But Tina is the big big winner and I felt just great about that. A very satisfying end to the show!

"The Giant Bumble Makes Deb Cry Special"

Well, I'm not gonna say a lot about this, except that Nick… Mr. Totally Useless, is a Harvard Law Student and he said - and I quote - "I have conversated with them…" WTF is conversated?

Ok, watching Deb demonstrate that there it totally sucks ass to be the first fillet fried on this show was a bit painful… She obviously did not figure out how to make lemonade from her lemons.

I could rag on all the goofs these guys made of themselves in the "Reunion Show" but basically the only quality time was watching Jerri squirm as she continued to be totally reviled.

Beyond that I'm just saying that this was a much better outcome than the finish of Survivor 1. I'm looking forward to watching a new group of loveable losers goofing in the darkest depths of Africa. "Reward Challenge #1: Carry this giant pie of Elephant dung from here to there… oh, and we brought Kimmi from Survivor II to eat it…"

Yo! Homies… Word'em up guys! This was a blast… thanks from the bottom of my heart for your kind replies to the various "Survivor Updates" that I've posted… it was a real blast doing this. :D


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