Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Big Brother 8 Update!!

Big Brother 8 : The Rib Cage Edition!

Nice Hair... Completely Wacko!

Where in...  the house-mats start doing the "I’ll align with you if we align with him" thing, girls freak out because they’re exceptionally vacuous girls, people cry, men lie and oh yeah... everybody gets slathered in butter specifically so that other people can squeegee it off them. You’d think Jeff Probst was in on the game plan here or something...

The picture Jen was freaking about...
Can’t imagine what her problem was...

Loser say what?
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
So things are just getting "underway", what with little alliances being formed, the gay guys hating each other, various house-mats having breakdowns and, of course, Big Brother getting them in swimwear and slathering them with liquid butter.  Dustin and nipple boy are just going at it constantly, and Ana-Promo girl Danielle gets the big sympathy gig as she tears up over the Big Evil Dick. Jameka feels all sorry for her... "jameka"... because all the Moesha’s were booked... and Evil Dad lying to himself and the camera with a vow not to backstab her... (of course, money is not on the line yet). Kail... the homophobe, not to be mistaken for a leafy green cabbage, as new HoH decides it’s time for all those fantasies in college to come streaming out... and she forms a "top secret alliance" with three big bags of testosterone and beefcake. She has to do Noms tonight, and she decides to go with the people who came in "last" in the HoH competition – that being Single Mom Amber (with the number one stripper name in America) and Carol the non-rival rival of Miss OC (Jessica) – who, by the way, managed to say and do more stunningly stupid things than any other house-mat in history. She doesn’t even have a command of her native language, but her wardrobe goes from Gigit to harlot in a heartbeat. Anyways, Amber cries like a kid with his hand slammed in a car door, going on about entitlement due to having squeezed out a baby. A bunch of tiny violins appear in mid-air and start playing a dirge. Dick and his scary tattoos gets on everyone’s "would you just shut up" side by going on and on and on and on and on and on about all his celeb contacts... Oh, and he had dinner with Cher... then flaming monkeys shot out of his butt. But before all that.. there was the picture thing.  It’s hard to do justice to this but I’ll try... Jen, the one that brought twelve bathing suits and knee pads... the one that will forever be in the BB cut-scene-commercial squeezing her own tits, comes in with everyone else to see the picture wall with all the color images that get black-and-white’ed when you are evicted. She doesn’t like her picture. Says she has black lines under her eyes that aren’t even really there!!! Then? She goes bat-shit-insane about the whole thing. Tears streaming in rivers down her face, makeup she put on in the 90’s is smearing, her hand is over the picture and she is just freaking the hell out, bawling "I’m not moving till they change this." Yeah... no issues there at all. None. Then they have the food competition. It works like this... Put on your bathing suit, divide into two teams, get soaked in oil and get rung out over a bucket. Most oil in the bucket before the time runs out... wins actual food. Losers are on slop. They call the oil butter and they make these big fake popcorn boxes, but the song remains the same. Slather up the girls in oil and rub ‘em down over there. Cool. Jens big quote? "I dont want some old man wiping my body." Nice. Dick joins the bawling parade in a closing diary room moment about – who else – his anorexic little faker of a daughter. 

Fav Quote
"I’m not gonna backstab my daughter!!" er... Name: Evil Dick... need more?
"That’s the picture... sniff, sniff... that ... that everyone sees!!!! Wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
K, no, nope and nuh-uh. Everybody is gonna see you right now all weepy and stupid looking. Why don’t you just stick a panty liner to the picture? (brain ... acorn...)

Most Memorable Moment
Yeah, they want me to say the Butter thing... but Joe ruined it for me with his big butter soaked teats. I keep expecting a little calf to rush in from off camera and start feeding from this guy...
No... most memorable moment was Jen going pah-thet-ICK! over her picture thing. And a close second was had by Danielle. The camera guys and edits worked hard to get that shot but they got it and she looked almost photoshop magazine perfect in a close up of her face... sadly, they continue to let the camera people zoom back and we have to see her malnourished body screaming out for a 1-800 number to scroll past when we look at her.

Dude comes in to see HoH Cabbage Lady and says "I want to have only one secret one-on-one alliance and I want it to be with you."  She comes back with "Great!! Cool!!! I’m hip man... and then says but lets bring these other two guys into it." D’uh...

The winner...
Still no one... I tell you they’re all getting the clap and dying on air!

Two things...
~ Zack and Mike look the same.
~ seriously... Jessica is mind bogglingly stupid. Wow.

ps. also cross posted to the ontd_bb8 :)

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