Big Brother 8 : The Ewww Edition!
Clap For The Wolf Man
Where in... we are introduced to a soccer team size gang of total freaking unrealistic stereotypes. Dramatically absent are the people who have stopped being impressed by the recent arrival of pubic hair. A gang of kids, with a scary ol’freak and multiple business owner from bum-fuck-egypt lady. CBS has a theme... and they’ve got a twist but FIRST... they’ve got Julie The Hairy Pencil Gnome Chen. "Click to read" ... and I’ll treat you to a real SCOOOOOOOP!! I’ve got a photo of Julie’s next three outfits, scammed from her personal designer. Yup Yup!!! You saw it here first.
Julie’s personal designer, Voodoo Mamma Mambo FrizMonkey, let me have a quick look at the next three outfits for the show! Julie, let me be the first to say... "Ewwwwwww!".
Loser say what?
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
K, look... this is the first show of a new season. It’s all about introducing the new kids and, you know, I’m all for being patient. Maybe the little guy will turn out to be fun, but seriously... it’s Flava Flav time ‘cuz bitches aint shit but trix and hoes!.
They introduce this group of hoe-biscuits getting their BB Keys and pretty much all the white girls were "Check out my frigg’en money makers baybeeeeee" I was totally sure three of them were going to arrive with mattresses strapped to their backs and bright pink foam happy-knees strapped to their knee-caps.
So it’s "Hey check these 11 people" weee... "Oh, but wait... there’s three more, hiding in the HoHoHoHo room." This years "Twist"? "live with someone you hate". Oh boy. They have this one rake (skinny to the point of Ewwwww!) of a blonde west coasters' estranged father (freak show guy named "Dick" – see fav quote below), some valley girl wanna-be OC skank with an outdated, high-school rivalry with Little Miss Low Fat Latte voted most likely to get stuck to a bus seat in Tijuana. So far... pretty lame ass "Battle of the house-mats" theme stuff...
And then along comes Thing 1 and Thing 2. Fag Wars like you will never get on the Home & Garden Chanel. Nipple and his why-are-you-wearing-a-plunging-neck-line ex-boyfriend. NeckLine is the ringer, and Nipple is down among the little people... and when he puts CBS, Julie Chen, Ratings Grab, and his ugly nipples together... he realizes NeckLine is upstairs. Seems when they broke up, Nipple had cheated, caught The Clap, given it to NeckLine and here he is... telling everyone. Sigh. Brain the size of a wee tiny acorn. Nipples the size of pinecones.
But two lame rivalries and one napalm factory accident rivalry do not a season make!
Enter: Americas Player.
There’s this little guy – who appears exceptionally "little" because all the other guys are like 6 foot 6 Abercrombie and Bitch Greeter Guys. And yes... I think Gonorrhea Nipple Boy soaked his shorts about sixteen seconds into the show. Americas Player is a dude in the house who will do whatever you say... apparently. Hopefully nobody tells him to go f*k himself. But seriously... cbs.com and text messaging shite to control his votes, noms (if he makes a hoh) and a whole lotta nothing, if he gets his ass kicked out early. He might be fun.
They play for Head Hoe and Mamma Multiples nails it (she’s selling herself as a real-estate agent so he vast success doesn’t keep her from depriving someone more deserving of the winnings... snarf. Now it’s all about nominations on Sunday night, and watching the anorexic daughter try and manipulate Mr Freak Show.
Freak Show to NeckLine, when Nipple starts into the Clap story... "Do you think he’s forgotten that we can hear him?"
Freak Show to everyone: "My names Dick... everybody calls me Evil Dick."
Most Memorable Moment
When... thanks to idiot boy NeckLine saying "he’s got huuuuuge nipples" my brain couldn’t help but force my eyes to zero in on THE GIANT NIPPLES in one of the cut-scene preview moments. EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Remember in Season Whatever... there was that hottie girl who was totally all farmer’s daughter goodie goodie, being all shy and cautiously drop-dead in her bikini ‘n stuff? Yeah, well none of that shit this year. It’s like every one of them could have gone to UVA.
Got high hopes for the little America’s Player guy. !
None... they all will die from Gonorrhea before the season ends.
ps. is there a BB8 community?