Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Another Survivor Update!!!!

Survivor 2: Colby's Adventures in the Australian Outback.
(or "How I got to sleep with my mom in an Aztek")

In Brief:
Colby wins the ultimate reward challenge, then the immunity challenge then they all get together and fry the cute chick. done and dumb.

Most memorable phrase:
(Coconuts: In reference to their combined weight loss)
"We've lost a third grader!"

Most unfortunate phrase:
(Cheese Boi: about talking about chatting with his mom every night)
"She doesn't respond to me orally."

Most disturbing information:
Colby has only had 3 poops in 38 days!!!!!!!! (and you thought that was just olive skin tone.)

Surprise Visitor: Tammy Faye Baker!!

Ok, details:

Day 37

As the clock ticks down toward the final moments, we see three total and complete losers watch Cheese Boi continue to dominate them like an episode of American Gladiator with "Diamond" versus a grade 3 class.

The ultimate Reward Challenge: Jeff Probst "We've run out of original ideas so we combined a bunch of the earlier challenges and made this big honking physical deal for you malnourished, broken, emaciated losers to watch Colby dominate you in." yeah... fun. The prize. More good food, of course, a hot shower, and - with a Bob Barker sweep of his arm, "A new car"... an Aztek, the ugliest car in the universe, but they paid all those Survivor bills…

Day 38

There are so many little treats in this, the second last show, I hardly know where to start. Jeff, the host with all those 6's tattooed on his head, gives them a mirror and a scale just to crush any remaining self-esteem they may have been holding on to. We get to see Coconuts pulling clumps of her hair out and witness Mrs. Brady, the sorta-nurse, add up each losers weight loss: 16, 12, 27 and 25 and get to 85. This woman distributes medication in real life. Oh and somehow the idea that Coconuts just drops the fact that 85 lbs is essentially a 3rd grader - Ok, she designs footwear and these factoids are just part of her frontal lobes but dam if it didn't just strike me as weird that she draws forth the image of their weight loss personified as having shed a child from their bodies...
ps. Tina is so fricking skinny it's totally gross... Her saline inserts seem to be fine though.

The girls bring Cheese Boi a sweet little bouquet of wild flowers to celebrate his reward (wtf?) while Chef Pierre goes for a massive energy-tapping walk. The Colbinator then waves goodbye to go get his car, food and other treats…

And what is the "Other treat"????? why it's his mommy, with enough eye liner to give ol' Tammy Faye a run for her money. So we get to watch this woman, that unfortunately does not "respond to him orally" feed, hug and ultimately climb into the sleeper of the Aztek with the Cheese Boi - her son. The number of "big head" jokes that the "respond orally" comment has spawned simply boggles the mind. Then… we get to watch her snapping pictures of him in the shower… bet they'll be on E-Bay next week.

Day 39

Once again, it's the "Colby Show"… Immunity is a brain teaser game of "find the two-zies". The lucky crumb wins again and we can just see the rest of the gang shaking their heads wondering exactly what they all come to play for?

There's this great scene with Coconuts sitting with Chef Pierre and they see two Roo's running through the field… you know they look and just basically see two big barbequed drumsticks running through the brush….

Tammy Faye comes back to camp Bare-Undies and I was totally expecting her to clean up a bit, and maybe do some of Colby's laundry.

She brings a little care package action with … yup, she was toting that giant burlap bag in her hip pocket.

To cap off the uncomfortable elements of Cheese Boi's mommy visit… he refers to it as "like a conjugal visit for a prisoner…" ewwwwww yuck.

At the "Council of Dump" strategy wins in that there is no way the jury would not pick cute lil'coconuts over any of the other three losers… especially if Cheese Boi ends up in the final two. So, Elizabeth is off to feast on hot food and nice soapy showers… buy a wig and maybe put on something besides that orange halter top.

Next week? The big one! Fried Cheese Sticks please. Please … that way we could count on Mrs. Brady being in the money.

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