Survivor XIV: The Toilet-Seat Edition
Where in... the final six jonez around to see what the final five will look like and like a snowball rolling around in the fiery pits of hell, Mr. Magoo almost – but not quite – renders Dom Jeff completely speechless. Day 34 is as strange a survivor day as there’s ever been, and to top it off, they all pay a visit to this weird pseudo Jeff-Cloning factory.
Survivor 14... in 14 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Boo’s on a mission to show us how daft he is, and Jeff’s gonna give away a Ford F-350. It’s a great game, and Yao walks with the goods... but he trades the goods with Dre for a ''gimmi'' at the final four and he sends himself to exile island. Team Winner goes in the truck and delivers insta-school to a one-room-school-house packed with mini-black-Jeffs. Immunity is all about tossing a ball and holding a string – which puts Cassandra right out of the running. Boo takes it home, Earl finds the turtle, and Yao thwarts Stacie’s last gasp by handing in a turtle of his own at council. This does not bode well for Cassandra – who turn-coated on her vote. Stacie goes... Cassandra’s next.
Day 34 dawns with Boo, aka Mr. Menza, beating a secret path to the water-cooler so he can – at some future time – hide out there and listen to peeps plotting his demise. Meanwhile, back at camp, in Boo’s absence... everyone plots his demise. Gah! Reward is a big ass, mo-fo, pulls-a-train Ford F-350. Two teams of three on something of an obstacle course, with the winning team of that round getting to go in the truck to hook-up-and-haul a mini-hi-tech-office box thing and a TRUCK LOAD of school and sport supplies to this Figian one-room-school house. The team of three, however, also chucks some axes around to pick a winner among themselves and that person owns the truck. Dre was all about wanting that truck and saying so... and to everyone’s immense surprise, Yao GIVES it to Dre in exchange for a ''final four: if you win Immunity, you give it to me.'' Promise. (OMG) Jeff wets his pants, and changes off camera. Yao then sends himself to exile island (wants the third clue) and Jeff wets his pants again. Dre replaces Yao on the winning-three-team for the school trip and it’s cute and all that... but mostly its freakishly weird because every person in that school was dressed exactly like Jeff. No, seriously. It takes Dre half a day to decide to turn on Yao – as he drives his truck – and want him voted off is possible (so Dre wont have to honor his deal). Immunity was this ''toss a ball on a string'' thing. Cassandra forgets to hold her string and gets nowhere. It comes down to Mr. Menza and Yao, but Yao cannot function under any pressure at all, so it’s all Boo, all the time. They had all wanted rid of Boo, but of course... he wins again. Yao, his third clue and his determination to be honest with Earl, sends Earl on a successful mission to recover the re-hidden immunity idol!! So now Stacie – sphincter face Stacie (she’s always making that stupid face!) – works with Dre on the ''lets get Yao'' bus and it goes pretty good. They get Ms. Useless (Cassy) on board and figure they’re golden. Then, in a moment of rank stupidity Stacie says something about expecting a split vote when Jeff puts the screws to them at tribal. This sets Yao’s alarm bells off and he produces his hidden idol. He got like four FOUR votes, but they don’t count... the other two were for Stacie, and she is officially toast.
Yeah, when Dre sits down with the room full of mini-black-Jeff’s, he’s like this is my first time here... and then asks these impoverished jungle dwellers if they’ve ever been to the states. Dude... unless one of them knows Oprah, the answer is a great big NO.
I really want to say: ''the moment Yao gives the truck to Dre and sends himself to exile island'' but I can’t in good conscience ignore the freakish moment out of The Twilight Zone when they arrive at the school and all these kids pouuuuur out in untucked, button-up, dark blue shirts and pale-khaki pants or shorts. It was like a sea of little black Jeffs.
Jeff’s Fun Filled Fiery Adventure
(aka "Tribal Council")
Jeff reviews the big freaky ''Yao gives Dre the truck'' thing for the jury and then he grills everyone about their strategies. In the end, he gets Stacie to blow her cover and comment on her notion that it’ll be a split vote – which is in conflict with what she talked to Earl about.
If Yao makes it to the final two... he will win. Period.
~ before they switch away from camp to head over to the reward game, this long, shimmering, narrow locke of blond hair waves in front of the camera. Cameraman’s a blond. :)
~ Um, Dreamz said he didn’t have a license... so why were they letting him drive around? And ... in the US, don’t prize winners have to pay the tax on the winnings. Does that apply here? In Fiji?
ps. Finale is on, on Sunday night!!!