Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
There is no "i" in team!
And they're off... on the final leg of the game. It’s money time so Phil has ‘em in airports, heliports, Jeeps, underwater, in Kayaks and sprinting for the goal line.
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Fort Soledad and its drag queen greeter girl are history!!
~ Make your way to the big island in Hawaii... via Tokyo connector.
~ Chopper time in the land of the lei and off to Lenai,
~ And its Detour time... snorkel under some water "blow back" weirdness at a cave, or try your luck at this "stand on a surf board and paddle" thing.
~ Shipwreck Beach: grab a kayak, and battle the surf out to a buoy beside the beached iron behemoth and get a clue to fly to San Fran.
~ Oakland Airport ... and cab it to "The Old mint" to play a cool game of "Guess what your team mate said" to unlock a box in under 10 mins – for the final clue – or wait out the 10 mins ... and basically lose.
Okay? That’s what they did.
Lets talk about how they did it!
Holy crap man... Evil Myrna and her pet dog Stitch are a lot of things, but "stupid" isn’t one of them. The first bunch-up was to be the connector out of Tokyo but Lilo and Stitch go mental trying to land a better flight and PRESTO they get one. Like a 40 (or was it 20?) minute lead on the ground in Hawaii. Way to go. Of course, Stitch’s little Umpa-loompa legs don’t do so well on the volcanic gravel beach ... and stunningly everybody else actually catches up and passes them (bwaahahaha). They knew they were toast right then and there.
THE GAME. It was all basically for NOTHING... given that they nail down a complete bunch-up on the flight to San Fran. A FLIGHT FOR THE SECOND TO LAST CLUE? Gimmi a break man... That was way too much of a "leveller" in the game. In the end, the whole deal was just that last "guess what I said" thing with the mini-safe-combination-lock dealio.
Oh, and Kandi and Dusti* had a "dust up" in the car after the almost impossible kayak competition. The gist was that K felt like D was in "control freak" mode during the challenge and wasn’t being a team-baby. She cries, Kandi relents... they make up, and then they pull over, strip to their panties and chase each other through the periwinkle having a big tickle fight...
* d’ya see that? How I used the fun and energetic "i" at the end of their names. Doing that to a woman’s name makes her chest a teeny bit firmer, magically "perky’er". Really. You try it... it really works.
The Best Part
The Pageants... They were in through the whole game. Thank the stars.
It could have been a great radio show if the Pageants weren’t there.
The Big Winners
So the deal was to answer these four questions... like "Which team did you trust the least?" or "Which team are you likely to see after the race?" blah blah blah... You’re possible answers are keyed to digits which you set as a combination to a lock-box. Then your partner comes in and tries to figure out what your answers were, there-by getting in the lock-box and recovering the clue that says "boogie to the finish line and get stink’en rich".
Eric and Dustin set the codes (forget M&C... no seriously, just forget them. I need to put all Charla images out of my memory!!) and Danielle and Kandice have to do the guessing. Kandice shows her true colours when she basically HAS NO CLUE. I mean, she understands the concept but she cannot perform a basic regression to sort out possible answers. She appears to get it wrong and then fall apart. Meanwhile, Dani-Jiggles (again with the "i" thing... you see’en how this works now?) is on the mini-black-board and deducing her partners answers. She nails it, getting a full two minute lead on the next best (KD – oh!! I never thought of calling them KD... do people grok Kraft Dinner all over the world? Or is it a Canada thing?).
The editors do a half ass job of trying to build up the possibility that traffic issues bring KD up close, but it’s Danielle and Eric all the way to the finish line.
Sad but true.
~ thanks for reading.