Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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how too...

How to blog ... lj style.

step one: keep your sentences short, and if possible,
insert carriage returns to keep lines "column wide",
instead of page-wide.

step two: say nice things about other people, and
say self-deprecating things about yourself, at least
until you do something cool, then put that in.

step three: if you can put a webcam pic of yourself in, cool.
but overexpose it to hide your crummy skin and imperfect
teeth. Everybody has great teeth and great breath in
blog-land.!! Oh, and show some skin, even if it's just your

step four: try to sound like you have some idea what your
talking about when you wade in with an opinion on
current events... even if you have no clue.

step five: when nobody comments on your post, post
another message that says something like, "fine" or "I guess
I'm invisible"

step six: find a way to include the letter "z" in things,
almost randomly.

step seven: mention something about a bodily function at
least once a week and if you score, make sure you mention
that too.

step eight: it's ok to say "fuck" 'n stuff... really!


How not to blog... lj style;

step one: write great giant run on sentences that fill, left to right, half or more of the computer screen.

step two: post lllllong videos of yourself being unbelievably shallow or ... basically brain dead.

step three: drag your partner or parents down to the pits of hell and roll them around in your narrative of their latest horrible act.

step three: post 1024x768 pixel images of yourself... and then twelve more of your dog and cat.

step three: constantly use internet-chat-for-dummies-speak, LOL U2RthePron Man, omg!!! (only cool people use "z" as in "omgz" or if you're reeeeealy cool, "zomg")

step three: forget how to count past three...
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