Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
Holy Karma Batman!!
And they're off... rushing about in the land of the little people, and I don't just mean the nasty little midget. We've got extortion, bribery, outstanding stupidity, Godzilla having a breakdown in traffic... oh, and Kandice ride'en the pony baby... ride'en the pony.
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
A quick Travelocity Plug and then down to business...
~ 3:41 AM kick off on a trip to Macau to (surprise) find a rickshaw driver...
~ this begins with Danny and Oswald riding the turbo ferry... which, apparently – I'm not making this up – goes all night. Lucky for them huh.
~ then wait for the tower of power to open up, then they all shoot up the shaft, tickle around the top of tower – all around the outer edge, carefully - ... then they all shoot off the tower... and splat, well, sorta.
~ but there's no gay porn imagery here at all... none!!!
~ there's a yield at the tower, so Broke'n'Gay decide to sell their yield to the pageants for ... a fast forty five. The girls agonize over it, then decide to add a little salt to their tangy relationship with Eric and Jiggles with another yield. Bwaahaha...
~ The roadblock is to jump off the Macau tower (650') "controlled fall"... which, of course, means "send in the midget..." in Armenian.
~ From there, it's a dash to this garden for another clue...
~ and Detour to roll out and cut some noodles or carry dragon boat artefacts (eh, small potatoes) across town to the docks. The boat thing was simple, except Danny is fricking brain dead (gets lost), and the noodle thing? Dude... well, wait... read "good" below for details.
~ clue it to a strange little car and drive that to the pit stop and cap'n big hands. Not so bad... except Myrna still can't drive a stick and she goes bat shit whack job getting wedged against a curb, in traffic and then bails. Bwahaha... omg... what a twit.
~ It's pageant time at the finish line... and they win some prize that Phil mumbled so I have no idea what it was... but they're first and that's all that matters.
~ Danny and Ossi, getting wicked karma kick-back over the extortion-yield, come in last (again, because Danny is brain dead) and Hand-Man hands out the last non-elim. So Broke'n'Gay will continue to be their pity party theme song.
Yeah, not sure if I can do this justice, but apparently they make noodles by rolling up this pasta sheet and "pressing" it with a long stick that you wedge on the table over the pasta, then sit your ass on the other end and bounce. Old Mr. Moto was boring to watch, but lemmi tell ya, there was likely a growing audience of apprentice noodle-bakers for the Pageants go at this. They made 'em too fat and had to go again (ahhhh... I would have been disappointed if they hadn't made Kandice do this twice.).
Godzilla did it too... and bitched out the midget for like... ever, after the Chinese guys pulled the "your noodles are too fat... ride that pony again" thing on her too.
Myrna's break down on the road with the stick shift mini-car. You tool... second time through amazing race and you haven't learned how to drive a stick? Hello?
Exactly where was the great sound effects for Danielle wiping out totally on that garden patio thing... SPLAT BOING ... would have been appropriate. (Did Danielle bring any other clothes besides her skimpy work-out-wear? I mean, I'm not complaining, it's just a little monotonous, don't ya think?)
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Eric seems to put great effort into wailing at the moon about everybody else trying to win instead of letting him win. I don't understand people like this... "You bastards... why are you making it so hard for me to win?". Um... idiot boy... "race". You know it's a race right? Another twit.
Man it was fun watching Eric and Danielle sweat it out at the Mat with Big Hands... waiting for the 30 minute "marked for death" penalty to wear off. I was thinking Broke'n'Gay were gonna show at the last second... hahaha... that would have been great. However, they didn't and E&D got through. That left Danny Boy and Ossi in last place but they got a pass from Phil's last non-elimination round for the season.
Go go pageant girls, go!!
Yeah... the girls with all the matching outfits... they have to win now. Because I want them to... mmmk?