Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
The Killa in Manila...er... Malaysia
And they're off... or trying to be... but there’s a wee problem in the Airport en route to Hong Kong. Godzilla and her wee midget turn on their very special charms and make me want to keeeeeeeel them. It’s one stereotype after the next tonight and apparently there’s nothing Godzilla wont make the midget do to get out of actually exerting any physical effort... besides turning the midget into luggage and pulling her through the airport.
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Malaysia in the back ground... propagating stereotypes, in the foreground!
~ Get a flight out of Malaysia to Honk Kong, and ... find a laundry. (no, seriously). And most of the show was in the Malaysian Airport watching the gang brawl away over stand-by positions... leaving Eric and D, the idiot money changers, in dead last...
~ Fast Forward via a pretend movie set car stunt (noting that every "honk kong crew wore the same promo-company black t-shirt). All of which made the Cubans pee their panties...
~ Detour to ... impossibly find a Chinese symbol sign among billions, or climb a bamboo ladder up eleven stories while that black-t crew jumped around like Ninja Turtles.
~ Ride the ferry... and no that doesn’t mean the Cubans score some ass...
~ Road Block ... run around an abandoned building kicking in doors with no hinges.
~ zoom to the jockey club... a little persons club in Honk Kong... who’d have thunk it.
~ find Capt’n BH and show him your gnome. (good thing we didn’t have Charla carrying the Gnome in... Phil might not have been able to hold back...). The fast forward Cubans land first and get a trip to Hong Kong (d’uh) for their trouble... and E&D get a pass via the Non-elimination round.
The Good
That the pageants came in second! I’ve settled on wishing for them to win, if they can just keep their "stupid" in their packs for a while. Mostly I love how much the other teams turn on the pageants and deride their looks as a function of that. I mean, they asked for it with the handle "The Beauty Queens" but you gotta admit that it has resoundingly intimidated everyone except the gay guys...
Oh, and I did get out-loud-laughing for the sound effects they tossed in for Myrna doing the kicks at the Kung-Fu fighters... hahaha... Oh oh oh, and when Myrna starts pulling Charla through the airport on "heelies"... hahahah I was dying. Look Luggage with giant hips!!!
The Bad
The editors and the default make-believe "They’re catching up" vibe they toss in at the end of every show. Tonight, with Eric and Danielle theoretically gaining on idiot Myrna and The Midget. Dudes... it was NIGHT while E&D were working the challenges... and all the M&C edits were in daylight.
The Ugly
OMG... !!. K, so the scene is based on the teams taking the benefit of their experiences and trying to out-smarty-pants one another gaining the upper hand in finding a stand-by position in the HK airport. E&D hook up with Godzilla and the Midget to work the counter and Myrna says "There are very bad people coming behind us...". I mean she’s seconds away from calling the other teams terrorists just to get them shipped to Git-Mo. (Which, would be a good stop on a future race, don’t ya think?). The Cubans show a little savvy and head downstairs to the airline employee office and corner some dude... gaining a definite advantage. E&D go and kill time exchanging money while Gozilla harasses a ticket agent. The pageants let smiles and blond hair, win the day in that argument.
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Myrna, tells the ticket guy to "close the door" and he wants to leave it open – seeing as their open for business – but she closes it saying "It’s cold..." bwahahaha... Oh, and having the midget do the door-kicking-in during the Road Block was pathetic.
The Losers
Eric, the git, and the girl that jiggles along beside him, get hosed in the airport hyjinx and land dead last... but Phil has a non-elimination to hand out...
The Winners...
Well... the Fast Forward was a breeze man. They’ve had some hard FF’s before but this one was silly – cool, but silly. The FF was to get to this parking lot and sit in a stunt car while a stunt driver crashes it. If you LIVE, you get the fast-forward to the Pit Stop. Gee... wonder if it will work out?
Big Winners...
Yeah, still liking the Pageants. Careful use of your pause button will reveal how much Kandice looks like "Stan" (as in Stan and Olli) when she smiles. But she’s still a real live hard ten on the dice roll of a body while Dustin remains a wonderful smile. (and, yes, I’m fawning a bit) Despite their major flaw of being ... unrealistically stupid, they are a billion times more pleasing to see than anybody else on the show.
Next Week...
Just say’en... suz (my better half) actually broke out laughing in the preview when it was revealed that, once again, Godzilla sends in the midget to do the work, as we see the ugly hobit running around the outer rim of some skyscraping structure.