Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
Oh Look! A Horseshoe!
And they're off... to Kuala Lumpur. One team with a pair of solid brass horseshoes rammed up their collective ass and the rest? Pissing each other off and slave'en away for their piece of mad riches. It's anybodies game here, and if it's possible to dislike Myrna and Schmerna any more than I already do, I'd be mightily surprised!
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Warsaw? Forget Warsaw... lets go to Malaysia.
~ Fly to Kuala Lumpur, unless you're Uchen and his hyperthyroid date... then you fly to Frankfurt and fall off the edge of the world.
~ Cab it to a clue box at the Batu Caves... up a gazillion steps... oh look, Charla's all drippy.
~ Ok... enough with the stairs... down again and find the next clue – and a Yield - at this big ass Mosk (Kampung?). The Pageants are the only ones to bite the yield, putting up Eric and D... which turns out to be useless.
~ Detour with a cool Batik project (wax pattern on linen then play tie-dye) or find one licorice cookie somewhere in six hundred boxes of cookies (hello? Are you insane?... three teams start the cookies... one finishes ‘em.)
~ Roadblock time, riding a cart-bike and collecting old newspaper from people only to happy to help out the blond jiggly American girls... er, oh poor little Cubans.
~ Collected "eight hand-spans" of papers? Cool... go find Ol'Giant Mitts at snazzy-land B&B to the Stahhhhhs. (NO seriously... pause yer playback and check – out – the – size – of – his – hands!!)
~ It's party time for the barfing Miss California.
~ Uchen got so frigg'en hosed on a blown-connector in Germany that they were just written out of the script the moment the boarded the first flight. Their first Malaysian clue reads: "Suckka, go find the Phyliminator!" (or something like that... :D)
The Good
Hey... how come the little circus act (Myrna and Charla) can do so well with the scamming plot (a million is a million is a million) and still be such idiots? They "occupy" both avail. Internet hook-ups at the hotel at clue-number-one and land the only seat on the first flight outta town. I'm talking hours ahead... and they're toast after the detour. The horseshoes popped out when they went for the cookies.
The Bad
The Roadblock was this gig playing at being a local paper recycler collecting (but you're s'posed to be "buying" old papers from random peeps and selling to Bob's Recycle Emporium. So yeah... Slip Dustin (?) on a bicycle seat and the first guy she asks is like "Oh yeah, you're going to get lots of papers" and sure nuf... so-called-random people are practically running into the street to give her... or Miss Jiggles (Daniel) papers (she wrecks her bike but ... dude... white girl... no worries. Local pushing her laden bike up hill in moments. The Armenian has a bit of trouble but again, she's so obnoxious, how could she fail? Now... Why BAD? Because Danny Cuba is at a total loss. He ends up buying!!! his quoto at a store. Hahahaha...
The Fugly
Ah yes... the Pageants pull ahead and Eric's response to this? "Dirty Pirate Hookers". You kiss yo mama with that mouth?
The Exceptionally Pathetic
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Danny and Oswald... arguing in the street as they waffle back and forth between the cookies and the batik-art-project. And when they finally get to the batik... (must replicate a cloth pattern on display) idiot boy actually gets it wrong - making a 16 image pattern instead of 15... It's a long process. You know these guys can't possibly win, right?
The Losers
Uchen risks a short connection time in Frankfurt in the first ten seconds of this episode and ... bu-bye. They miss the connector and it's "Next flight is tomorrow" time for them. They won last time they played... so whatever. :D
The Winners...
Did you hear one of the pageants as they ran down the steps to the mat? "I smell Phill!". Kay, ewwww!
Big Winners...
I'm smell'en a cool million all over the Pageants.
Two Things
~ How the hell did Danielle find that cookie... ?
~ Myrna and Schmerna and NOT ALLOWED to win... d'ya understand? !!! :D