Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor XIV Updates!!

Survivor XIV: The Toilet-Seat Edition



Boo! Your Other Left!!!



Where in... Lisi gets stinky with the boys, Yao gets another go at digging, and even spends time doing a little bury’ing tto. Sneaky little devil. Oh... there’s much barfing, moaning and groaning, and Dip Smack Mookie confusing slam dancing and pole dancing... all in all, loads of fun.



Survivor 14... in 14 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
"Hi, I’m Lisi, I smell bad." "See guys, I told ya she’d fit right in." Yao digs a hole, finds a turtle, kisses it... rather a lot actually, and then later buries a fake idol for someone else to find – the sneaky little bastard. They play flaming Hi-Li for a chance to puke up hot-dogs and Team Testosterone wins. They play Blind Mans Bluff – with clubs, and Club Med wins. With marginal deliberation, it’s all about chucking Rocky to the curb. Sadly for them... he’s the first Juror.

Details
Lisi is back from her quiet-time-to-think-about-how-stupid-she-is visit to Exile island and is ready to convince folks that she didn’t really mean she wanted to go home. She’s at Ravu... all boys, frothing with testosterone and she... totally fits right in. In fact, she woke up the next day ... with a full mustache. (ok ok) She’s all about being stinky and one of the boys. Saves on Deodorant I s’pose. Back at Moto... land of milk, honey and a frigging PICK AXE... we have Yao and Earl plott’en on the hidden-idol again. This time Earl takes ‘em all on a trip to recover their boat from some high water mark. Yao grabs the pick and finds the idol... it’s a little turtle. It was probably decorated too, except Yao starts licking and kissing it and generally making an embarrassing scene. After a smoke and a few Camilla Parker Bowles jokes, he shoves it in his pocket and covers his "digging tracks". In-fact, he goes on to decorate a coconut shell, wrap it up, and bury it like it was an immunity idol! (The possible fun that involves is outstanding!) Reward is all about throwing fire balls with a quazi hi-li thing... Yao gets Moto’s only point and Team Testosterone gets to go play games at some Instant-Arcade. The sword cuts both ways as team idiot pounds hotdogs and beer back at an alarming rate. The expected comes to pass (and why they bothered with the buns I’ll never know) and we get to see the raised asses of Ravu’vians Talking to Huey. It’s all about Lisi with the sound bites and the one-of-the-boys crap... she even hugs Dre as they win the Reward game... it’s all kinda sick. Immunity, on the other hand, is more fun. Blind folds, a club and some fake skulls to smash hanging from strings, a "screamer" telling the blind people where to go, and yer set. Despite Michelle actually falling off her platform in mid-scream and despite Boo actually not knowing which way is left, with the added bonus of watching Mookie RUN directly into a fence post... twice, Club Med wins and saves Yao from having to show off his little friend. Then later, back at camp idiot, the unthinking Mr. Crass (Rockie), continues to be grating on everyone’s nerves and has the testicles to be surprised when ... a few hours later they chuck him off the island at Tribal Council. Oh, and he’s the first Jury Member. Hahaha..

Fav Quotes
"I never thought a big, strong, black man would be my biggest ally!"
Pay close attention as the little asian dude begins to spontaneously combust. No really... the turtle, his-main-man-Earl, the fake idol and all that smoke coming out of Yao’s ears...!

"I’m BLIND"
Oh sweet mother of the big guy... fortunately coffee did not, in fact, squirt out my nose. Michelle – see "Most Memorable Moment" below, was "calling" in the blind-man game for reward, but at the last moment, Boo switches her out so he can call it. It’s a tight tight race and it’s totally crunch time. So Boo pulls Michelle down because her voice is going, hops up on the "caller platform" and then blinks a few times and says "wait a sec... I’m blind". Dunno what was up... dust in the eyes, brain shut down because he was remembering how to chew gum at that very moment... not sure but man!!!

MMM
THE MOST PERFECT MOMENT OF VIDEO IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR!! Team Testosterone is blasting towards the end of the immunity game, trying to catch up to Club Med who are doing just fine, thankyouverymuch. Michelle is standing on the raised platform yelling out the "left, left, down, right, back back back" stuff in the blind man game... The camera is close up on her as she’s yelling "Left Left" moving around on top of the platform and just at the exact moment she ... steps left into thin air... the camera switches out to blind guy with a full background shot of Micha TOTALLY CARTWHEELING off the side of the platform. A stop-rewind-play-stop-rewind-play moment if ever there was one.

Jeff’s Fun Filled Fiery Adventure
(aka "Tribal Council")
Jeff... or should I say Padre (he’s a Church of Universal Life Priest!!!), does his best to get ‘em going on who’s worth keeping but it’s pointless. Nobody is paying any attention till it’s time to vote and toss Rocky into the pit. His welcome-to-theloser-lounge speech? A guttural scream... hahahaha...

Z’Crystal Ball!!
Well... Little Mr. Yao is looking pretty but I think he’s going to blow it somehow. Alex is pretty level and will survive to the merge... so he’s still getting my crystal ball nod. :)

Two Things...
~ Dude is a priest hahahaha... in a fake church... remarried his parents... holy Tax Shelter batman!!
~ I almost wet my pants when Michelle went of the side of that platform.
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