Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
The Road To Zanzibar
And they're off... ... well, sorta. This epi sets the high water mark for the biggest gap between racers, not counting the odd bone head that can’t get some roadblock. We’ve got Marked For Death, Uchen jump’en with the Massai, Charla
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Alrighty then... wake up in Mobuto, Mozambique and try to get the hell out of dodge...
~ It’s Airport Mayhem time, trying to get to Tanzania... with "next flight" equalling "tomorrow", as several racers found out.
~ Find a Ferry and Pull... a number.
~ Sail away on a native "doa" (or something), sailboat to Zanzibar... and I can’t say that name without getting all dramatic about it. Zanzibar! It’s like having a mash-up of Bogart and "They May Be Giants" and a stiff drink of pirate rum.
~ Detour is hauling a couple of logs around or putting together a not-easy-but-still... puzzle. Only the Pageants haul logs (and ... I’m of the opinion that this is because, even combined, they had no hope of putting a puzzle together.
~ Now it’s off to Kikungua (??) to Road Block with a native wooden-hammer-throw thing... and the natives are having a righteous time ... doing the "Massai Jumping Native National Geographic" dealio for the racers... much impressing ol’Kunte Kinta Uchen.
~ Done that? Well then... boogie to this fort in the middle of town and look for The Giant Hand. First up? The midget and her pet human, followed by the copa cabanna boys. Last in... Old and Angry... (he’s old, and she’s angry at him).
The Cubans. :) They’re being fun. Not a lot of "fun" competition left in the game, so I guess it’s a catch-as-cats-can kinda thing, but did we need to hear Juan say "I come cheap" after he jokes about seeing the sign that reads "Ferry Area"?
Watching the Old Gay guys and the Old Not Gay couple (focusing on the "old" part here... mmmk?) decide "not" to go where the young guns were going in the airport... because it’s better to stand in a line in front of an unmanned, empty ticket counter, with nobody behind you in your make-believe line. This is the tip of the iceberg-from-hell, that leads to the Olds (all four of ‘em) being left behind as airplanes wing it away to Tanzania. Dude... they ended up on a flight "Tomorrow"... gah!
See "pathetic" below re: Eric and Danielle staying behind!
Uchen saying "Now it’s your turn." Like... words fail me, you dork.
Dude has no class... just say’en.
(on the boat ride to the island – a historic route, talking to the girls... harkening back to the slave trade... because he’s black and he gets to do that. Of course, there were never any white slaves... nooooooo..... )
Oh man... the music, the scenery, the majesty of them sailing off to Zanzibar... then they edit in a sour note and we get to LISTEN and watch Stumpy blabbing to Huey over the edge of the boat. She was having a hhhhhhharsh time. Ever been sea-sick... when you’re on the sea with no hope of relief? It’s awful... and what’s Myrna doing? Why she’s laying back with the Cubans AND LAUGHING away to-beat-the-band. GAh! Add her ridiculous fake accent and she’s officially a cunt! (I still kinda like her, but only in a sick and twisted kind of way).
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Yeah, totally not sure what was up with Boobie girl and her vacuous boyfriend (Eric and Danielle) being pulled off the plane. A bunch of the racers were waiting for hook up via "Standby" passenger lists and they called a bunch of names... Eric and Danielle were two of the names they drew. Then they haul ‘em off the plane and say "You have someone else’s seats". – And I didn’t see anybody else use those seats!
I mean... if that was a US or Canadian carrier, I’d have raised holy-hell till I had free family tickets to anywhere on earth before moving from that plane. She was (Dani girl) rightly upset – game wise, but also, emotionally ... from being pulled OFF the plane, like they’re common criminals. Grrr.
Not Uchen... Mr. Marked For Death and his Squeeze, hit the mat with Phil in third, were told to wait the 30 mins... and then walked back on. It was like... HOURS later before the pageants show up and a day before the olds crawl in.
The old couple... try as they might... couldn’t hold it together and were just not "reckless" enough for a win in this game! See ya.
Now there’s a shocker.
Midget and her pet totally score the only flight out of Mozambique on the first morning and they ride that advantage all the way to the end of this leg of the race. Idiot boys – Cubans – took the lead from them by being good at the puzzle thing... BUT THEN THEY STOP FOR FRUIT... and they fall back to second. D’oh.
Oh oh oh !!! and when M/C wins... Big Hands gives them their extra special prize... "You’ve each won a twelve foot catamaran!" bwaahahahaha... they both looked totally stunned saying "wha????" You could feel Phil's pain at their inability to appreciate the awesome prize they were receiving. Hahaha...
Cuba... unless there's some brawn involved in the last hurdles and they’re up against Eric and D-Girl. They seem physically superior ... pretty much to everyone left in the game... ‘cept for Uchen.